Do Men/Women Put to Test the Honesty of their Mate?

[crisipicada]

I always heard this: The true test for someone who knows that he or she loves you is through time. Time to wait and to be faithful, can anyone comment on this? How long will be the waiting time? Can you give specific? So hard to wait for nothing, really. It is so much unhealthy.

[Smiley]

I have heard of bf/gf having the other one followed and checked up on by a detective. Sometimes the faithfulness is confirmed, and at other times unfaithfulness is confirmed. It is nice to know early on before becoming attached emotionally. If you were putting energy into a relationship, and you were investing your emotions you would not want the other person to be pretending you were the only one, only to find out much later that the other person is unfaithful to you and has a bunch of others on the side.

I knew a guy in Cebu that made his living doing just that.For a reasonable fee he and his wife would visit your girlfriend. He would act like a visiting boyfriend that was a friend of the womans suitor and she would play the part of a scammer. They confirmed quite a few pure hearts but they also exposed quite a few scammers.

[red]

Had experienced it. Hurt so bad when your mate is cheating on you. Did not even try test but God is watching always and He cares for the righteous one. Well, cheaters better hide your ass carefully because you never know what your mate be capable of. Where's my baseball bat?

[Edwin]

Yes, look out for Red and her baseball bat! I am a gullable type person, and I want to believe everyone is honest, but I know that is not true. Wouldn't it be nice if this were a perfect world, and whatever anyone says to you, it would be the truth! I think paying attention to the red flags would help, although I am the type person who would probably not see any red flags. I hate to think that it is necessary to test the honesty of a mate, but sometimes it turns out that it is. Take it slow and be cautious, I think. Trust in the Lord and lean not to your own understanding, I think helps. If someone loves God, they should be able to be trusted, I hope!

[crisipicada]

i personally do not think about it. Maybe the best thing to do is to put yourselves to be tested in the case you wanted to get married. Like, going to married couple and helping them in doing house hold chores, asking some opinion about how to raise kids. How to deal with different problems. It will help you and make you and prepare you to be a better couple in the future that is how you will be tested in times of courting and when you are engage.

[Edwin]

That is a great idea, Crisi, for them to visit a married couple and learn how things really are! They might get an eye opening. Maybe stage a fight or two, no I am just kidding! But they might see some of the conflicts that happen also, and the resolving of those conflicts. That is a good idea for a couple/family education that way, so they can have an idea about what they are in for!

[red]

Back when i was single i was being nosy when couple fighting. Actually i learned alot about marriage issues. So yes i agree visiting couple would be good idea. Crisi is going to be great wife. Apply the ideas that would work for you and your future husband. Important is you two will be happy and comfy to each other.

[Edwin]

Yes, Crisi and Red, a little marriage education would not hurt at all. I had a young teacher, my high school math and science teacher told us that he was living with a young couple when he was a kid, and the lady baked a loaf of bread. The guy didn't like the looks of the loaf of bread, so he picked it up, and he thought it was too heavy, so he through it on the floor, and told her to use it as a door stop!!!! I hope that guy learned a few things before it was too late. I have never seen a loaf of bread that I could not eat!!!!

[BigBlastGuy]

Oh very sad. I can't imagine what kind of person he is. Based on my experience, i don't test my bf before. I just know that he has many other women, too. Of course, he defended himself but sad to say that i can't trust him anymore and so we did parting goodbyes. . But of course i learn to love him.

Well, men always tend to deny when they got caught..and you are very luck knowing that the person you've learned to love can't be trusted..there are lots of men out there whom you deserve, right?..so, why stick on a junk?...lol[/quote]

Ha! Ha! I like that. "Why stick on junk?" Very true. Yes everyone should honor their commitments.

But did you really ever have an exclusive committed boyfriend? Men and women have different views of the relationship. Many times women want him to be a boyfriend, they have been dreaming about their Prince Charming, sometimes assume or project what you feel onto the guy. But have you ever met him, spent time with him, sat down, took his hand, looked him in the eye and asked what is this relationship we have? Asked him to explain and clarify what he believes the level of commitment is? Does he tell you he is totally committed to you? That he will not be seeing or dating anyone else? For your own emotional safety you must not assume you must insure you know, insist he tell you. Then he will meet his obligations or not. But how can he be held to an obligation he never directly agreed to? Do not assume you have an exclusive relationship, ask directly, gently insist he explain his view on what your relationship is. May save you from a broken heart

[Edwin]

Yes, BBG, it is a good idea to have a heart to heart discussion about "what this relationship means." Also it is a good idea to question your person about, "am I the only one, or are there several others?" Then the other thing is the question of honesty. Can I trust this other person to be telling me the truth, and that is important. Some are deceived and find out the hard way that they have been lied to about those situations and that is very sad!