Divorced

[inlinecowboy]

OK! So I’m an American man 28 years old and I am divorced. It’s hard for me to say that I never thought in a million years I would say that! Not this guy!!! I’m the guy that always did the right stuff. I was that guy in high school that spent he’s summers helping at the homeless shelter one day and the next building homes for habitat for humanity. When I was 15 I spent all summer roofing houses to have enough money to buy my first car. And buy the time I was 17 I was running my own business. And it’s been like that my whole life. And now at 28 I’m Divorced WOW were did I go wrong? For once in my life I have had to face something that I could not control. You see when something on my car brakes I buy a book and learn how to fix it! But there was no book to help with this one. I put on my good face but inside I was dieing. I admit I’m a guy’s guy but I spent a lot of time crying! Going to the gym and working out tell I could not lift my arms. I remember one time going for a run and running for 25 miles with out even knowing it I had to take a bus home. But as the mouths went bye it’s gotten a little better and little better.

So here I am thanks to God back on my feet and I find my self looking to find that new special someone again. But this is harder then I thought it would be. I know that gone are the days of father knowing best and we never run into Ozzy and Harriet at the store! So how do I bring my self to trust again when it seems like every one is out for them selves these days. So I’m here looking for a lady because I feel like a Filipino women may hold the same beliefs and values as me. But is a 28 year old divorced guy what a Filipino women would be looking for? So that’s it!!! All stop it here because I think I’ve gone on for to long I just felt like all of you may be able to throw some advice my way. So thank you all so much for taking the time to read this.

God bless you all,_Dustin

[longhorn1]

Some of us have been through similar experiences, and you should realize that all the pain you feel will pass in time. You are young, and you will have another chance at finding happiness. I think that most of the men who are members here agree that filipinas are some of the most desirable women in the world, and that's why we are here.
Give it some time, and you will meet some wonderful ladies in the Philippines. And to answer your question, yes you are going to find many, many filipina girls who would love to meet you. Just be patient. God bless.....

[Komputer]

Well a divorce is 50 percent your fault. You just can not fault the other person.
Note that in the USA, the divorce rate is a bit over 52%, not too good odds of staying married if you ask me.
If you do not "fix" what you did wrong you will divorce again, no matter if you marry a pinay. Remember it takes two to tange, divorce, etc.
Do not count that just because you marry a pinay, your marriage will succeed.

Find out what you did wrong and try to improve that.
One thing I find that most Americans do is to work too much and not be home for the wife. One has to take care of what is home to make the marriage work.
Life is not all about JUST MONEY.
I see that over and over and over, time after time, the male is always working trying
to make monies but forgets to take care of what he has at home.

DID YOU MAKE that mistake?
What have you done or are you doing to change so that the next relationship works?

PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS AS A NEGATIVE BUT CONSTRUCTIVE
As I see it you worked on making monies and not on relationships, You just thought if you make money then everything would be alright..WRONG!

You say>>>>I’m the guy that always did the right stuff. I was that guy in high school that spent he’s summers helping at the homeless shelter one day and the next building homes for habitat for humanity.
I ask>>>What does all this have to do with making a relationship work?
As I see it, all you were doing was making yourself feel good but not working on any one to one relationship.

You say>>>When I was 15 I spent all summer roofing houses to have enough money to buy my first car.
I say>>> Again working on making monies to make you happy and not working on making some one else happy

You say>>>And buy ( SP, by not buy) the time I was 17 I was running my own business. And it’s been like that my whole life.
I say>>>> Again I see you were not working on relationships but on making monies.

Remember money is fine and needed but relationships need working on/taking care of what one has at home.
So please ask yourself ..what did I do wrong. what can I do to improve the odds of not failing
Do not just rush into marriage cause it will fail if you do not fix what you did wrong

GL

[cutegen]

i think couple will end up in divorce because of a lacking of comunication, and time for each other...

its best that you two will be open with each other...share what is your thoughts and never hesitate to tell anything that was in your mind in a good way...

[crisipicada]

I heard many stories that she or he got divorced many times. Some got married five times, some got divorced trice.

Now, why is this going on especially in the western countries. Okay, no divorce here but some or many of filipinos are looking for another partner?

These are my questions:

1. My point is what are the valid reasons why both got divorce?
2. Why two people do not understand each other and always end up separated or divorce?
3. IF you are foreigner man, what are you looking for a relationship in marriage?
4. How will you keep your marriage stand still?
5. What others do or been doing why their marriage is happy and some are not?

Hope that somebody here will share their thoughts.

[Edwin]

Crisi, you wrote in one of the other postings that a man or woman gets divorced because they are unhappy about 10 percent about their mate. Then they find someone else who has that 10 percent, but they lose the 90 percent. So they are actually much worse off after they divorce and remarry than if they would have just stayed with their first wife/husband!

I think people get divorced because they are not commited to stay married. Of course it takes two, so if one insists on divorce there isn't much the other person can do. But I think both people should be commited to make the marriage work.

Communication is important, so that two people will understand each other. Communicate even if it is loud! Well, hopefully not too loud! Misunderstandings can be cleared up by two people communicating in a good manner.

I think as I have heard before give all and more then leave it up to the other person and God to make things right for you!

Be kind, be gentle, be what God would want you to be to your other person.

In my older brother's case, his wife was running around, burning gasoline, spending his money, and not helping him with anything, including leaving house chores to him. He got burned up about that. He at the time was drinking, running around, and chasing women, which didn't help. Our mother told him he should have gotten tough, taken her in hand, and made her do what she should have done, but he told her that it would not have done any good. Well, by now she is old, just a few months older than my brother, but she is not in good health. He actually had good words to say for her the last time I heard him talk about her, so maybe his heart has softened towards her in all these years. It is a little late now though!

[red]

Family court in phils wont grant annulment if it is due to misunderstanding that grown to make couple being mortal enemies. Of course there should be valid legal grounds. Lots of reasons why
marriage ends. It could be because husband has vices, physically incapacitated/cannot arise on the occasion. As always stated communication is very important. Lacking of it can end up disastrous marriage. Very important to reciprocate each other. Be submissive to each other. Be willing to make it work out well. Each couple has uniqe way to make marriage stay solid and make each other happy. I believe in submission. Also i find it unplan sex is exciting. Surprise surprise your partner but see to it that she/he will like it otherwise you get hurt and disappointed. Secret to that is know your partner very well so again communication. Spell it over and over again.
Check each others feelings. I believe that love conquers all. Love moves in mysterious ways. Love can begets respect and trust hope etc

[wolfetone100]

Hi inlinecowboy I'm going through a seperation myself at the moment and have to wait a few years to be granted a divorce. But thanks to a good friend on this website i have a relationship with a wonderful girl now and we are happy. These things happen and as we both know sometimes marraige does not work out and it's better to go your seperate ways rather than prolong the hurt and anger. So i hope you will find someone good and decent on this site and find a happy relationship. Ignore the idiot who has nothing to do but post on every single topic on the boards with his own religious nonsense and follow up story ' this happened to me , my wife, her daughter, our cousin his pet kangaroo ect he has turned a lot of people off writing on the boards and would be better served with a good belt in the jaw you'll soon see who i'm talking about. Any way the Fillipino people i have met are kind decent and funny and have good values and if you are honest with them about your situation i'm sure they will respect you and you will get the same in return. If you do fancy a chat i'd concider myself a newbee here and while i have my fate i dont shove it in others faces message me. best of luck.

[BigBlastGuy]

OK! So I’m an American man 28 years old and I am divorced. It’s hard for me to say that I never thought in a million years I would say that! Not this guy!!! I’m the guy that always did the right stuff. I was that guy in high school that spent he’s summers helping at the homeless shelter one day and the next building homes for habitat for humanity. When I was 15 I spent all summer roofing houses to have enough money to buy my first car. And buy the time I was 17 I was running my own business. And it’s been like that my whole life. And now at 28 I’m Divorced WOW were did I go wrong? For once in my life I have had to face something that I could not control. You see when something on my car brakes I buy a book and learn how to fix it! But there was no book to help with this one. I put on my good face but inside I was dieing. I admit I’m a guy’s guy but I spent a lot of time crying! Going to the gym and working out tell I could not lift my arms. I remember one time going for a run and running for 25 miles with out even knowing it I had to take a bus home. But as the mouths went bye it’s gotten a little better and little better.

So here I am thanks to God back on my feet and I find my self looking to find that new special someone again. But this is harder then I thought it would be. I know that gone are the days of father knowing best and we never run into Ozzy and Harriet at the store! So how do I bring my self to trust again when it seems like every one is out for them selves these days. So I’m here looking for a lady because I feel like a Filipino women may hold the same beliefs and values as me. But is a 28 year old
divorced guy what a Filipino women would be looking for? So that’s it!!! All stop it here because I think I’ve gone on for to long I just felt like all of you may be able to throw some advice my way. So thank you all so much for taking the time to read this.

God bless you all,_Dustin

Hey Dustin. I will tell you something that many people on this forum may not like because there is a tendency here to set filipinas up as a model of virtue and caring and commitment. My opinion--WOMEM ARE WOMEN! Two major issues with women (1) they are about feelings and feelings change--they feel good about you initially but over time their feelings change so they act on their feelings (2) they are about security / resources (money)--they have a basic biological drive to reproduce (have babies) and they need resources to do that. And when their feelings change and they dump a guy, the woman also has that high need for resources so she will take as much as she can when she is leaving.

Biggest difference in western women and 3rd world (poor country) women is western women have access to jobs, government programs etc so they have less need for a man. Women from poor countries do not have access to jobs and government programs so they need a man more.

You may have better luck holding on to a filipina because she needs you more than an american woman. But many many western men find when they bring a filipina to the USA and she gets established and has access to jobs and government programs she is no more or less faithful than an american woman.

So bottom line--I think women are women anywhere in the world. Some good, some bad. Just that in the Philippines the woman has more need to hold on to the man. Plus I bet if Philippine law was changed to allow divorce, you would see as much divorce in the Philippines as in the USA and most of it initiated by women.

Proceed with great caution.

[crisipicada]

I always emphasize this: The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, as Proverbs says.
This is a warning for us. That is why it is important to know your level of commitment. What you believe is what will stand in any relationship. Let me explain.

If you are grounded with Christian belief that marriage is a life time, then no matter what rules or laws you have, what you believe will stand. Because you believe it.
Many of us enter into relationship that if things go wrong, then it is easy for them to separate. That is why marriage is for mature people, not for the kids. It takes guts and maturity.

Okay, whether you are in third world country or first world country, the point here is having a good marriage in the future. Who wants to have pains and heartaches? Of course no one wants that, right? That is why, human wisdom is not enough. It needs godly wisdom. Believe me, just trust God and seek His guidance, you will never regret it but always see the positive things no matter what happens in you. Because you have trusted God and if you do, you placed yourself to receive greater happiness and joy. Just trust Him.