What if Your In-Laws to be Doesn't Like You?

[lumbacesar]

Best to get in-law issue solved before marriage. I would treat in-laws with respect just like I would anyone else but I would not tolerate any interference in my life from in-laws. And if a Filipina could not commit to that then I could not commit to marry her.

[crisipicada]

You are right there. But listen to your in-laws why they feel that way. As I have experience, I should help my partner that he will have good relationship with my sisters and brothers and to all members of the family by telling good traits he possess and what he is like to as a person.

[lumbacesar]

Hi, I am here to try to understand this better. A lot of it doesn't make sense to me.

Big cultural differences. In Filipino culture children are raised to be extensions of the parents, may live with or very close to parents even when married. Children are expected to care for their parents and extended family. In western culture children are raised to be much more independent, encouraged to move out on their own, parents expect support from government social programs not very much from their children.

So Filipina brings her cultural conditioning to be involved with parents and in-laws, western man brings his cultural conditioning to be independent. So Filipina expects western man to be differential to her parents and family to the extend that she probably expects her "wealthy" western husband to help provide support for her family in many ways--hospital bills, funerals, college tutition for brothers, sisters, many family birthdays etc etc. Can add up to lots of money which will be a shock to the western man who is expected to pay.

Filipinas generally tend to deny or downplay this issue, maybe because they do not want to frighten the potential husband or possibly they just do not realize the issue is there, but it is the major source of conflict in these marriages and best dealt with up-front.

[jadegil6]

manilaman resurfaces with yet another username to bash all filipinas....what's new?

[crisipicada]

I want to share this about my sister who got married at age 18. My late father was very strict but responsible one. He wants to have good future that is why he always have telling us to study because he has nothing to give us but to send us to school.

My sister ask permission from papa that she will get married, and her bf ( who become his husband) also asked permission. Because papa did not want my sister to get married at very young age, he sent sister haze to davao to stay away from her bf. My sisters and other brother did not like the guy. Whatever reason they have, one was because my sister was too young.

Because her bf(who become her husband) love my sister, he made a way to see her and ask from my other brother who pity him and told him where my sister was. My sister enrolled in davao to continue her studies but when they (her bf) see each other, her mind was change and eventually get married.

So, the wedding was push through and now they have 3 kids, but now my sister is a single parent because her husband pass away 5 years ago of diabetic.

[Edwin]

Crisi, that is easy to understand a father wanting the best for his daughters, and not wanting them to get married at a really early age. My mother's family, including my mother, got married really young, like what would now still be considered children. They were anywhere from 14, maybe one aunt was even 13, I would have to look it up to be sure. My Mom was 15 or 16. They were farmers/ranchers, and they at that time didn't have any concept of going to college. My grandmother just wanted to find good men for her daughters. Most of them married guys who were also farmers/ranchers, and that is our family history of my grandparents, great grandparents, and my Mom and Dad's peers. Most of the marriages were good of that generation, so the age didn't hurt them, and I think it was typical of most people in the USA at that time, that they got married at those young ages. In my generation the push was to get married later, go to college, get a degree, get a job, get settled make some money, etc.

That is very said that your sister's husband died of diabetes. Some have the type one almost from birth, and others like my wife, Carol, get diabetes, or at least it shows up sometime in early to mid adult life. Carol has had diabetes, I think since she was in her late twenties, or early thirties. She has worked hard to take care of herself and control it, and she has done very well with that. Her body has some symptoms of its damage, but not too severe. For years she was able to keep her blood sugar where it belonged with medication. Then for a quite a few years later her blood sugar stayed higher even with medication, but in the lower 100s. Just lately her blood sugar had gone into the 300s and even lower 400s on occasion, then right back down. It seems to be mostly in the 200s, most of the time, and the medication doesn't seem to help bring it lower. Her blood sugar does drop periodically to 80 or 90, and for most people those are good numbers, but when her's drops to that point she gets weak and shakes, so we are not sure what is happening to her lately. The doctor increased her medication that is supposed to control her blood sugar, but it is not working well. She has an appointment with the doctor in August to try again to figure out what is happening.

Some try hard, like Carol, to take care of themselves, and live a long time without bad physical results, while others don't care, or they are not able to control their diabetes, and they end up going blind, or losing limbs to diabetes, and many of them die prematerly, which is very sad. Carol does everything she should do except she will not walk for her exercise like she should. We have all tried to talk her into getting out and walking, but she says she does not like to walk, she does not want to walk, and she is not going to walk, and there is not much any of us can do to talk her into walking. She will walk 600 feet to our kids house sometimes a few times each day, and she will walk a quarter of a mile round trip to get the mail, and she thinks that is enough walking for her.

[Edwin]

My Mom's youngest sister, the one who married so young is the only one still alive, and she is 90 years old and mostly blind. Her daughter, my cousin, takes care of her. She was getting ready to sit down in her chair in her house, and there was a rattlesnake in that chair, so my cousin decide it was time for her to move in with her so that she wouldn't sit on a rattlesnake!