Filipina family ties

[BigBlastGuy]

Here's my dilemma: I really like filipinas but I am very hesitant to support or be deeply involved with a filipina's family.

I am willing to respect her family, treat her family with dignity. I am not a social or economic elitist--personally I came from a dirt poor background worked hard for an education and professional success, so I have been on both the bottom and top of the pile so-to-speak (well not the very top but you get what I mean) and I can respect and get along with anyone. I have lived in several poor countries and I know how families in poor countries interact. I have never been married to a filipina but I have been around quite a few. Plus I have friends who married filipinas and it seems that our opinions agree--filipinas can be lovely, intelligent, caring and committed women but...they seem to not be able to separate from their family. I have seen lots of friction in marriages and several marriages between filipinas and americans break apart because of this issue. And the classic response that you just draw a line and say I will provide xx dollars in support to her family every month and that is all is not realistic because everyone believes the american has more money so when the emergency arises (and it does often in these large filipino families) the phone call comes and how can you say no? It"s a slippery slope and if the american man does say no then it tends to create a strain on his relationship. Most filipinas have difficulty understanding this issue because most have lived in a large filipino family with lots of drama and lots of economic needs, so they see that as the norm.

I really like filipinas and could see my settling down with a filipina but the issue of her family always seems to be in the background, a disaster waiting to happen. How do I find a filipina who I know without question is not going to allow her strong cultural ties to her family to slowly creep into our life together, or who will not resent me if I say no to her family?

Is there any way out of or around this issue? Comments from filipinas will be appreciated.

[crisipicada]

I believe it is a matter of talking to your filipina wife. I have known lots of relatives who marry white guy-mostly living in California and have kids now. Filipina parents do not bother about helping them because they believe that having a family of their own, means they are out of life's responsibility as much as monetary is concerned. For me, I do believe that having a family of my own in the future will be a great challenge and extending family's help is not a big deal. My sisters and brothers and mother already know and believe that being having family in the future means being independent and make your own life. So, I can't say directly to my future husband about extending family's concerned in terms of monetary because I do believe we have our own lives now and we are big enough. If in case there will be emergencies, I will show concern also because giving is loving. YOu cannot love without giving as to Christ gave His only begotten son to saved us from the wrath of God.

[Edwin]

I believe it is a matter of talking to your filipina wife. I have known lots of relatives who marry white guy-mostly living in California and have kids now. Filipina parents do not bother about helping them because they believe that having a family of their own, means they are out of life's responsibility as much as monetary is concerned. For me, I do believe that having a family of my own in the future will be a great challenge and extending family's help is not a big deal. My sisters and brothers and mother already know and believe that being having family in the future means being independent and make your own life. So, I can't say directly to my future husband about extending family's concerned in terms of monetary because I do believe we have our own lives now and we are big enough. If in case there will be emergencies, I will show concern also because giving is loving. YOu cannot love without giving as to Christ gave His only begotten son to saved us from the wrath of God.

Yes, Crisi, we are thankful the God so loved the world that He gave His Only Begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

[i am bob]

If I was fortunate enough to have a beautiful wife and her family needed help from me, how could I not help out? Especially if I have an income so much greater than my entire in-law (outlaw?) family income... I really don't know how to put this into words but, if I didn't help out when I could, I would feel like Cruella Deville or some other awful and evil person... How could I not? And, then again, if I loved my wife, how could I not? I guess it all comes down to those simple words... "How could I not?"

[crisipicada]

If I was fortunate enough to have a beautiful wife and her family needed help from me, how could I not help out? Especially if I have an income so much greater than my entire in-law (outlaw?) family income... I really don't know how to put this into words but, if I didn't help out when I could, I would feel like Cruella Deville or some other awful and evil person... How could I not? And, then again, if I loved my wife, how could I not? I guess it all comes down to those simple words... "How could I not?"

Good idea that you are willing to help your future wife. In my case, if I put my foot as a foreigner, I am willing to help my future filipina wife in any means because I love her. I will show my love to her and give her a good life, a life that comforts and joy. Because I am committed to her, I am willing to help her to experience a happy life which most filipina experience.

[Edwin]

My friends returned to the Philippines again this year, and I was invited to go along with them. They said that they were not going to return to the Philippines until next year as they have been going every other year, or once every 2 years. I would have loved to have gone with them, but my circumstances would not allow me to do that. It would be a long story to tell the details of why, but to make a long story short I had to be here to take care of important business, and then things have not gone well for me, so I ended up without enough money to make everything work. I'm not really crying or complaining, because I know God is with me, and He will help turn things around, but for the time I am still wondering how to keep my bills paid and buy food to eat. Things are already improving, and if I would explain, my explanation would get more and more complicated, so I will just leave it at that, and God will see me, and us through, and I am trusting in Him and relying on Him.
Anyway my friends posted a lot of pictures of their house and their trip, and it made me wish I could have been with them. I saw many pictures of people that I met and visited with and enjoyed so much last year. They have done so many things to their house, that it just looks lovely. They have put trim around everything, hung new drapes, painted everything, gotten new furnature, put security bars everywhere, and they did a superb job of decorating and beautifying the place. I know it was not meant to be, or me to have gone with them, and that is okay, and I really enjoyed seeing the pictures of their family and friends and all the things they have done. They are truly blest that they have so much family and that they are so close. My friend is the winner in helping to support their families. He buys a large bag of rice for every family, except one that is probably richer than he is, and he has hired his brother-in-law to build that nice house for them, which has provided an income for them, and my friends have a wonderful house out of the deal. Before he married this filipina, he told me that he was not going to do what he is now doing in helping those families. He has changed his mind about that, and he is very happy for the contibutions he has made as well as the results. I know for a fact that he is not sorry at all for the support that he has given. His wife works full time and both of them give support to their families as well as sending money to build that house. They are very happy with it all. Not everyone can do that, but it works for them.

[chaychay644]

I really like filipinas and could see my settling down with a filipina but the issue of her family always seems to be in the background, a disaster waiting to happen. How do I find a filipina who I know without question is not going to allow her strong cultural ties to her family to slowly creep into our life together, or who will not resent me if I say no to her family?

Is there any way out of or around this issue? Comments from filipinas will be appreciated.

For me it depends on every person..as for me, I am engaged to an american and as much as possible I don't let my family think that my fiance has money or have them thought to depend on me..especially now that I don't have job because I am studying so they understand that I can't give them money..I guess its ok to give once in awhile as long as you have extra on your pocket..and money matters should be discussed by couples because I believe that this is one of a big and a sensitive issue in a family...

[Edwin]

You are correct, ChayChay, in that it is an individual matter to be dealt with between the couples involved. I think if there is a need and help can be given that is wonderful. In the case of my friends they are paying family to build the house for them, and everyone is benefiting. Another thing is that my friend has raised his 2 children, payed the child support, and now that all is finished. His first wife died of cancer, so she is out of the picture, so he has no obligations and has a good job with benefits, and his filipina wife works full time also. They have no kids to support, so they are free to help their families. That is their lives, and they are interested. Their families are valuable to them. Some people who have very little, or some who are retired on a limited income can't help a lot, and that is just something that has to be talked about between the couple, and they have to deal with that. I know in my own personal situation I had enough to keep ahead of all my obligations, and then all of a sudden things went backwards for me, and the last few months I have worried about how I was even going to meet the basic obligations that I have. We have been praying a lot about what has been happening, and it is not a lot better yet, but it looks like things will improve, and that is encouraging.

[i am bob]

If I was fortunate enough to have a beautiful wife and her family needed help from me, how could I not help out? Especially if I have an income so much greater than my entire in-law (outlaw?) family income... I really don't know how to put this into words but, if I didn't help out when I could, I would feel like Cruella Deville or some other awful and evil person... How could I not? And, then again, if I loved my wife, how could I not? I guess it all comes down to those simple words... "How could I not?"

Good idea that you are willing to help your future wife. In my case, if I put my foot as a foreigner, I am willing to help my future filipina wife in any means because I love her. I will show my love to her and give her a good life, a life that comforts and joy. Because I am committed to her, I am willing to help her to experience a happy life which most filipina experience.

It is good to see we think alike!

[chaychay644]

Here's my dilemma: I really like filipinas but I am very hesitant to support or be deeply involved with a filipina's family.

I really like filipinas and could see my settling down with a filipina but the issue of her family always seems to be in the background, a disaster waiting to happen. How do I find a filipina who I know without question is not going to allow her strong cultural ties to her family to slowly creep into our life together, or who will not resent me if I say no to her family?

Is there any way out of or around this issue? Comments from filipinas will be appreciated.

if this is one of the criteria you are looking for in a Filipina then at first before get into a relationship you have to make things clear on what do you likes and dislike..coz in that case both of you would be able to avoid problems related to it..discuss topics on how will she react to family matters involving money and other stuff..