Who Will Tell First?

[crisipicada]

Dating online sometimes need to know each other over a period of time. While exchanging emails or chatting, it helps to build and trust to the person. While having such conversation, it is most likely that you like the person and you become close to him or her.

Since you become attach to the person, you come to realize that you have something feeling inside for the person. Sometimes, you are aloft to tell her/him that you have a feeling for her/him because you are careful with your heart and you do not want to hurt someone and/or you do not want to be hurt, also.

Since, you become known each other and that you have a hard time if she/he likes or loves you in return. You have prayed that the person you are looking is she/he is the one. How long will you wait until you will tell her/him that you love her/him? It is hard to stay being friends since women and men always had an attraction. Like the positive and negative charge, it will always attract while opposite charge, repel.

Now, who will tell first? Who will tell first that the person has a feeling for someone? Who will tell first that she/he loves you? In the case of filipina, it is not our culture to tell the man that we love him. It should be the man who will tell the woman that he is interested to pursue her.

Is it okay that the woman will ask the man that she is interested to him or has a feeling to him? Is it okay for you guys that the woman or let us say, filipina, will tell you first the she likes/loves you? How would you react or respond to this? Could that lower the integrity of a woman if they will tell the man that she likes/loves him?

Okay, filipina, how will you react or respond also if the person tells you that he likes/loves you? What comes to your mind and heart? What will you do with this statement, "I know that you are the one and I like you and I love you and I want to know you more"?

I need comment from foreigner here so with filipina out there. I need your opinion since this is what filipina are being encountered and having problems with. Okay, I am writing this because this is what I have noticed about dating online.

Your opinions are very much appreciated. Thank you.

[BigBlastGuy]

To say you love someone you have never met in person is too much. But it is OK for Filipina to tell the guy that she has warm feelings for him, or is very attracted to him, or she finds him the type of man she would like to get to know better in person. Same rules for the man.

Telling someone you have never met in person you love them is foolish.

[Edwin]

I understand that some people are slow to break the ice and express how they feel, as to how they love the other person. I understand that it is part of the filipino/filipina culture for the man to take the lead, make the first move, to say I love you, I want you. So, being from that culture you have a difficult time being the first to say that. There is also the fear of rejection. What if I say, "I love you," or "I am in love with you," and it is not reciprocated. What if the other person does not feel the same, and then you will feel stunned when you are rejected. So there is the fear of either hurting the other person for being hurt yourself.

I am married, so I am not in this position, but if I were available, and a young lady was in love with me, I would have no objection to her expressing that. She could tell me that she loved me, or that she was in love with me, and I would definately not think any less of her. It is normally supposed to happen that the man tells the woman that he loves her, or that he is in love with her, but why can't it happen the other way also? I think it can. I think if I were the young lady, and I wanted to know, I would just ask. I know it is taking a risk, but we have to risk sometimes to gain something meaningful.

I think after a few months of getting to know each other it is not unreasonable to want to know the intentions of the other person, and how serious they feel. This is my opinion, and I would be brave and tell the other person, "I love you," or "I am in love with you." How do you feel about me? Can I count on you? Will you love me forever? I want to know where I stand with you?

I would be interested to hear the opinions of some other people here also on this subject?

[crisipicada]

To say you love someone you have never met in person is too much. But it is OK for Filipina to tell the guy that she has warm feelings for him, or is very attracted to him, or she finds him the type of man she would like to get to know better in person. Same rules for the man.

Telling someone you have never met in person you love them is foolish.

Is this for real? Huh huh. Okay, I get your point. But quite not convince that you cannot fall for someone over the dating online while he or she is the one you are looking for and been praying for. What if you have prayed and God has really answered your prayer and giving you hints that he or she is the one? And then you really fall for her or him even you do not see each other yet? Could that be possible?

[fenmoor]

Well first of all I see no problem for someone to express themselves in a relationship fully. If that expression and feeling is love, then in a good relationship, you should feel free to tell the person. If you are close to someone and feel you cannot be completely open and honest, then you need to work on the relationship more, so you can feel the freedom to be completely honest.

I also think it is perfectly reasonable to fall in love without meeting face to face. That said there needs to be some quality face time to determine if that love is real and permanent, but it may even be easier to fall in love when you are not together, because you are falling more for an idea than someone you meet in person. Not that this is a goo thing.. it just is what it is. I think face time is required to confirm your feelings and it would be rather unwise to act on the feelings before you meet (agree to marry etc.) But I think it is perfectly human to develop the feeling of love for someone that you have only video chatted etc... with.

But I believe that the first person that feels love should express it and I would think nothing less of a woman that expressed it to me first. in fact, I would be flattered. I would like to add though... it is NOT ok to pressure the other person to return the expression. True love is given away not demanding reciprocation.

Bill

[Edwin]

I am like fenmoor, in that I would be flattered to have some young lady express her love for me, or to tell me that she was in love with me. Of course being married I would have to say well, it won't work for us, but I would not be offended. In my case I would just tell the young lady about my being married, and about our family and so forth. Somes the young ladies miss the information that I am married, and then I just tell them about my wife and family, and continue with a friendly conversation. I am very happy to have friends, but the marriage things has to be understood, and I am not planning anything except staying with her according to our vows.

If I were available, and some young lady expressed love to me, or that she was in love with me, if I did not feel the same I would still be flattered, and I would be very gentle with her so that she would not be hurt in the process. I also agree that it is okay to have feelings of love with someone you have never actually met, and especially if you have lots of reasons for trust, such as their faith in God, and their background. I might say I love you, or I am in love with you in such a case, but I don't think I would ask them to marry me until I spent just a little face to face experience with them.

I still do not believe there is anything wrong with either the lady or the gentleman expressing feeling of love to the other person, and especially if there has been months of communication, and reason for trust. I would hope that the other person would be careful with the feelings of the one making such expression. To do this a person would just have to be brave and realize that there might be a possibility of the other person saying that he/she really doesn't feel the same. I think after a time 2 people might get a feeling for each other, and how the other person feels without it actually having been expressed.

We have our social norms, that in our country says that a girl should not chase a boy, but let the boy do the chasing, or make the first move. I guess that is even more of a rule in the Philippines, but rules are to be broken, and be brave and break that rule if you need to. It is just ideas that people have about what other people should do. It might make a very romantic story that the girl asked the boy, he agreed, and they lived happily ever after! What do you think?

[BigBlastGuy]

Well first of all I see no problem for someone to express themselves in a relationship fully. If that expression and feeling is love, then in a good relationship, you should feel free to tell the person. If you are close to someone and feel you cannot be completely open and honest, then you need to work on the relationship more, so you can feel the freedom to be completely honest.

I also think it is perfectly reasonable to fall in love without meeting face to face. That said there needs to be some quality face time to determine if that love is real and permanent, but it may even be easier to fall in love when you are not together, because you are falling more for an idea than someone you meet in person. Not that this is a goo thing.. it just is what it is. I think face time is required to confirm your feelings and it would be rather unwise to act on the feelings before you meet (agree to marry etc.) But I think it is perfectly human to develop the feeling of love for someone that you have only video chatted etc... with.

But I believe that the first person that feels love should express it and I would think nothing less of a woman that expressed it to me first. in fact, I would be flattered. I would like to add though... it is NOT ok to pressure the other person to return the expression. True love is given away not demanding reciprocation.

Bill

Bill says: "It is perfectly reasonable to fall in love without meeting face to face. That said there needs to be some quality face time to determine if that love is real and permanent"

BBG says: Not good to say until you know it's real and as your own words say, you can not know it is real without quality face to face time. Telling someone you love them without face to face time is playing with another person. Playing with love is dangerous. Know the person face to face and know love is real before making serious statement of love.

[BigBlastGuy]

To say you love someone you have never met in person is too much. But it is OK for Filipina to tell the guy that she has warm feelings for him, or is very attracted to him, or she finds him the type of man she would like to get to know better in person. Same rules for the man.

Telling someone you have never met in person you love them is foolish.

Is this for real? Huh huh. Okay, I get your point. But quite not convince that you cannot fall for someone over the dating online while he or she is the one you are looking for and been praying for. What if you have prayed and God has really answered your prayer and giving you hints that he or she is the one? And then you really fall for her or him even you do not see each other yet? Could that be possible?

Feelings come and go. We may feel excitement, infatuation, but that is not real love. Real love is much more than a feeling. Real love is commitment, dedication and purpose which should be seen and heard in action, face to face, over time.

[fenmoor]

Well first of all I see no problem for someone to express themselves in a relationship fully. If that expression and feeling is love, then in a good relationship, you should feel free to tell the person. If you are close to someone and feel you cannot be completely open and honest, then you need to work on the relationship more, so you can feel the freedom to be completely honest.

Bill

Bill says: "It is perfectly reasonable to fall in love without meeting face to face. That said there needs to be some quality face time to determine if that love is real and permanent"

BBG says: Not good to say until you know it's real and as your own words say, you can not know it is real without quality face to face time. Telling someone you love them without face to face time is playing with another person. Playing with love is dangerous. Know the person face to face and know love is real before making serious statement of love.

Well if we are going to wait to tell anyone how we feel based upon it being completely verified and unalterable, we would never tel anyone that we love them. How many time have people "fell in love" and then "fallen out of love"? While I could make the case that if they fell "OUT" of love they were never in love in the first place, I could not make the case that ANYONE could know that their love is 100% perfect and unalterable. That level of perfection does not exist.

Now I ill tell you I have had pen pals tell me they love me after a note or 2 and I understand that for what it is. But if I have spent hundreds of hours in viseo chat with someone and gone through many trails with them, I do not think love is unattainable simply because I have not touched them with my hand. Can that love be destroyed once we meet by the actions of either one of us? Of course. Does that mean the love never existed? I think not.

Now I agree with BBG about true love not being a "feeling per se, but an action. A commitment to be there regardless etc... I simply think that commitment can be made in many circumstances. All people being different, I would think there are some people who could love without having met the other person in the flesh, just like I believe there are people who could never love regardless of meeting them or not. Different people have different capacities and capabilities.

Bill

[crisipicada]

I find it interesting topic, and I appreciate your comments, guys! Thank you.

I still believe that God guides us in many circumstances. As we ask for guidance, God will show us the way and lead us to the path what we desire as He is pleased. Okay, I understand your opinions. I know that it would be hard to make statement you cannot live with. Saying "I love you" is very meaningful to me and I am very careful about it. I have many regrets in life that I say something wrong out of bitterness and hurt people in the process. But I am very much happy that there are a lot of people who widen their understanding and just leave no commit about the damage that has been done. Just like we make hurting words, and just ask you to pray because your not in the right attitude. I am thankful for people who are very much understanding.

Okay, for me, it is not hard to say "I love you" to the person when the one you are looking for is what God has shown to you. Just like many Bible character. Anyone read about Rachel? When he was digging water for camel? I think it is Laban who prayed exactly for a wife and for direction. He never knew who will be his wife and they never knew each other for a long time, but God show him the way. God will always direct us to whom we may marry.

Okay, for me, it is okay if the guy will tell me that he loves me or been praying for me or found me as I am the one. THis is what I am doing. I talk to God also about the guy and if he is really the one and let me show the way. The path may be so hard and many hindrances but I believe it is just test for me or him. So, what i am always saying, if you are looking for the right person, consider also to be the right one. Maybe you are not right for him/her even he/she is right for you.