Fiancee or Marriage in the Philippines?

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Re: Fiancee or Marriage in the Philippines?

Postby Manilaman » Sat May 28, 2011 9:41 pm

Abufarsi, you think or imply too much for me. Let my words stand as written and do not attempt to assume you know what I mean.

I am guessing that english is not your childhood native language so you may be mis-understanding and mis-informing based on a mis-undersatnding of what I am saying. So please speak for yourself and not for me.

My point was--selection of a partner is very, very important. I believe it is the most important step. You are correct, divorce rate is regrettably high but I say the best way to avoid this is very, very careful selection of your partner. If you believe otherwise that is fine but please speak for yourself. My opinion stands as written and does not require your interpretation.

abufarsi wrote:dude,

Of course "tell me that selecting well is somehow a deterrent to marital failure" is WRONG as anybody who attempts it should be free from divorce or marital hardships. And as I said above, no matter the laws in place, the courtship ritual, or the sophistication of those involved, failure rates among couples, WORLD WIDE, is near 33%.

Basic sociology 101.

Further you imply that those who's marriages failed, failed in the courtship and this failure was ignored. I counter that the percentage of guys who married a woman they knew was a failure in the courtship, is a percentage less than 1% of marriages overall. Or to say statically insignificant. Further, those guys who would marry a woman that they did not accept through courtship, would not take anybodies advise, especially yours (one false move, dump the bitch). Now perhaps you were the guy who said on his wedding day "She and I really did not get along courting, but our marriage will succeed", and if that is so, I can see why you posed such a weak argument.

This leaves those people who thought at the time of the marriage that they did indeed "select well", far and away the vast majority of people at wedding ceremonies. And yet as suggested above... failure of first marriages is a constant 28-44%, or about 33%.

Your advise further suggests that the vast majority of Filipinas would fail (to remain as a marriage possibility)soon after your initial encounter. Would their entry into a successful marriage to a person who was not so stingy as you, not prove your advise ignorant in the extreme? (see failure rate above, apply it to those who you reject outright).

Notice I said "marriage failure" not "end in divorce".

PS

I said above that reasons for getting married in the foreigners country were.. I will ad one, the marriage failure rate among second and third marriages is near 80%, so if your country does not allow divorce then you are taking an unnecessary risk by getting married there if the guy you selected has been already divorced.
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Re: Fiancee or Marriage in the Philippines?

Postby crisipicada » Sun May 29, 2011 12:08 am

Edwin wrote:I thought this might be an interesting topic. Many people have varied ideas about which is best; to marry in the Philippines with the blessing of all the families of the young lady, or to come to another country as a fiancee and marry later. What are the pros, and what are the cons? If you were chosing one of these routes, which one would you chose, and why? :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Actually what is important that if you get married then you are not apart for a long time. I mean, like me, he doesn't want us to be apart for a long time. He said if we get married here in the Philippines it takes 1 and 1/2 years for him to get me to come to USA. Place to live us together after marriage is not given emphasis. For him married couple must be together. Why? Because it is a big temptation for him to maybe tempted or change mind and that is not the will of God to be apart. I told him that we will stay in the Philippines but he said where he is i am there too. So we plan the ceremony here at the Baptist Church so that my parents will witness my wedding, but after I arrive in USA, we will get married then in their church. But still it is in the hands of God.
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Re: Fiancee or Marriage in the Philippines?

Postby Edwin » Sun May 29, 2011 12:31 am

crisipicada wrote:
Edwin wrote:I thought this might be an interesting topic. Many people have varied ideas about which is best; to marry in the Philippines with the blessing of all the families of the young lady, or to come to another country as a fiancee and marry later. What are the pros, and what are the cons? If you were chosing one of these routes, which one would you chose, and why? :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Actually what is important that if you get married then you are not apart for a long time. I mean, like me, he doesn't want us to be apart for a long time. He said if we get married here in the Philippines it takes 1 and 1/2 years for him to get me to come to USA. Place to live us together after marriage is not given emphasis. For him married couple must be together. Why? Because it is a big temptation for him to maybe tempted or change mind and that is not the will of God to be apart. I told him that we will stay in the Philippines but he said where he is i am there too. So we plan the ceremony here at the Baptist Church so that my parents will witness my wedding, but after I arrive in USA, we will get married then in their church. But still it is in the hands of God.


Those sound like some great plans, Crisi! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
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Re: Fiancee or Marriage in the Philippines?

Postby edeline » Sun May 29, 2011 7:58 am

Edwin wrote:
edeline wrote:In my own opinion, I am on the side of marrying a guy in his place and not here. Yes I understand what was mentioned earlier about spending too much on the wedding here. How expensive it is and the trip in coming anytime here.

I know a neighbous who has been married by a western man here. I was confuse at first if she was the wife of the guy whom she is living, I realized later that she is the mum of that guy. I asked my mum why she is not married and she told me that the girl was married and after the wedding the guy left. That was so hanging, she could not marry again because she was married.

It is true that the most important thing is the right person and later a decision of where to live willl just be so simple to be solved as long as the two will agree on it. No forcing and open to suggestions.

My idea with living in his place is that we can fully understand each other and that he will not be pressured to help my family. We wil be living on our own and he will not feel he is sucked.
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Makes sense to me, Edeline, and that works for you. :D :D :D :D


The topic that you opened is indeed a very interesting topic to people.

What I know about that K1 Visa is applicable in USA but I am not sure if that is applicable in UK. Countries have different rules and I want to know about that later. Talk to the people who have undergone processes.

That is what I think, that will work for us but I hope that will come to reality and my partner would understand it also. It needs discussion and respect to make it work.

I guess everything takes time and if the two people are genuine with the feelings. Time will not be an issue because the two will be patient to wait for the time until they wil be together. Needs a lot of patience. That is such a tragedy when someone leaves and just takes advantage of the person who brings her to another country. That is very rude.
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Re: Fiancee or Marriage in the Philippines?

Postby Manilaman » Sun May 29, 2011 4:26 pm

"My idea with living in his place is that we can fully understand each other and that he will not be pressured to help my family. We wil be living on our own and he will not feel he is sucked."

Smart Filipina. She understands and her attitude will help her marriage. I have said it before, a Filipina's strong ties and obligations to her Filipino family can be very hard on her marriage and can ruin her marriage to an American. A wise Filipina will make sure bonds to her husband come first, bonds to her family should not be allowed to damage bonds to her husband. Marriage bonds must be first.
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Re: Fiancee or Marriage in the Philippines?

Postby edeline » Sun May 29, 2011 4:41 pm

Manilaman wrote:"My idea with living in his place is that we can fully understand each other and that he will not be pressured to help my family. We wil be living on our own and he will not feel he is sucked."

Smart Filipina. She understands and her attitude will help her marriage. I have said it before, a Filipina's strong ties and obligations to her Filipino family can be very hard on her marriage and can ruin her marriage to an American. A wise Filipina will make sure bonds to her husband come first, bonds to her family should not be allowed to damage bonds to her husband. Marriage bonds must be first.



Thanks for the compliment. That is what I am setting, I am putting my partner to be the first in on my list. I have my parents and brothers and sisters but they will have their own family. My immediate attention will focus on my partner and new family.
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Re: Fiancee or Marriage in the Philippines?

Postby edeline » Sun May 29, 2011 4:44 pm

I have also observe this that there are people who want you to be a match of someone that they like for you and also there are those people who don't agree with the relationship. What I can say to that to myself, I don't care if people don't approve or agree as long as I am happy and I am making my partner happy. I don't really care what people will think and feel as I know my true feelings. I am not going to live with those people who will influence, I am going to live with my partner.
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Filipinas Family

Postby Manilaman » Sun May 29, 2011 9:30 pm

edeline wrote:I have also observe this that there are people who want you to be a match of someone that they like for you and also there are those people who don't agree with the relationship. What I can say to that to myself, I don't care if people don't approve or agree as long as I am happy and I am making my partner happy. I don't really care what people will think and feel as I know my true feelings. I am not going to live with those people who will influence, I am going to live with my partner.


You are correct!

If a man marries, he can not be spending his time, attention and resources on many other women that he had in the past, he must let the past go and focus his time, attention and resources on his wife.

So it is fair to say if a Filipina marries she can not be spending her time, attention and resources on her many other family members that she had in the past, she must let the past go and focus her time, attention and resources on her husband.
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Re: Fiancee or Marriage in the Philippines?

Postby crisipicada » Mon May 30, 2011 6:27 am

Yes, i can focus to him because seems days and month are getting better. And also God answer our prayers. And now no more problem and i am at peace if i will live with him after marriage.
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Re: Fiancee or Marriage in the Philippines?

Postby Edwin » Mon May 30, 2011 9:09 am

crisipicada wrote:Yes, i can focus to him because seems days and month are getting better. And also God answer our prayers. And now no more problem and i am at peace if i will live with him after marriage.


Yes, God does answer prayers, and it is very good to be a peace for you to live with him after marriage! :D :D :D :D
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