Husband and Wife - What Are Your Roles in the Family?

[Smiley]

For a lot of years I was kinds both Mother and Father. My daughters turned out much much better than anybody thought they would.They make me proud. I think a lot of people were waiting for us to turn into some kind of a Jerry Springer meltdown. Never happened.
I think that the traditional family unit is the best model. I was not able to give that to my kids so I just worked as hard as it took for what we had to work.I`m glad things turned out the way they did.

[Edwin]

You worked hard, did the best you could, and you were rewarded, Smiley, and that is great! We had a fellow message back and forth with Carol last night that we took care of off and on since he came to our house as an infant on an Indian Board. He told us on Facebook how much he loves us, and that we helped him when his mother was not able to take care of him. He thanked us for that, and told us that because of us teaching him that he is on the right track, and that from that he knows right from wrong, and he was really expressing happiness that we helped him when he was younger, and that makes us feel really good. We pray for him every time we eat a meal. He was our little boy for years, and now he still remembers and loves us, and we love him!

[red]

I am more of thinker than my hubby. He doesnt have time to think all things coz he is working hard. So i like to think alot...weigh things out. Then i share it to him then we do brainstorming.

[Edwin]

That is good, Red, that someone who is good at thinking does the thinking! You save him a lot of time and stress by figuring things out for him, and then brain storming with him to make the decision. I used to rely on Carol for decision making more than I do now. It used to be that she was glad to talk about what we should do, but lately she doesn't wnat help figure it out, or to decide. That has been kind of hard on me, because I have always leaned on her a lot for decisions. I think it is her not feeling well and having health problems that cause that. She has changed in a lot of ways because of deterioration of her health. It is sad, but it is part of life and what happens to us. Now I have to stand on my own two feet more and decide what to do, right or wrong, and hopefully right!

[red]

You will be okay sir ed. It maybe tough sometimes but its okay. I like to think alot but there are times i leave it to the discretion of my husband.

[Edwin]

Yes, Red, your husband needs some practice at thinking also, and that is good that you leave some things to his discretion. In our family when I was growing up, my Dad did all the thinking and decision making. Mom was a good follower, and whatever he decided she humbly followed his lead. She was 10 years younger than he, and he died when he was 65, so she had a lot of living left to do, as she lived to be 89! It was hard on my Mom to have my Dad die, because she didn't know how to or have a license to drive a car out on the highway. Then suddenly Dad was not there to tell her what to do next, so she had to learn quickly, and she did. She did well with the rest of her life. She joked about finding a man, but that never happened. I miss my Mom and Dad both yet!

[crisipicada]

For me, it is important to talk about the role of the husband or wife. It is important to figure this out. Getting married takes a lot of energy and good health. It is important, therefore, to have good health, good emotional state of being and most of all, the spiritual aspect in life. If you are not prepared, then it is better to make things to prepare for you and me in the future. It is about planning and working things out.

[Edwin]

I think the husband and wife provide emotional support for each other, and that is important. When one is down the other lifts that person up. The companionship helps! It is also good when they give you some good advice that you may not want, but you probably need that advice. The husband is to be the leader, to provide spiritual leadership in the family. It is good to have a wife/husband to be beside you, so that you will not be alone. It is not good to be alone!

[michealusa]

After reading the posts here I have no doubt that I will spend the rest of my life with a Fi;ipina Lady. Already have the failed american marriage.
crisipicada sounds like the perfect wife, this is what i'm looking for. I have a lot to offer a wife but my ex didnt bother to see it. A Filipina seems to have stronger family values and doesnt give up on marriage just because it can be difficult at times. A Filipina is the way for me.

[mystic]

I don't have much to add to the very good posts above. But maybe, above the roles, which sometimes are interchangeable, there is the concept of being selfless and giving. It depends on where the persons are centered (ego-centered vs other-centered).
More than all, the marriage is where man and woman are (supposed to be) one only thing. So, if love develops in the correct way, there is what in Italy we call "complicity". And this means knowing the thoughts of the other before they tell us, doing things as we are one same mind, etc. So, it is good to know the roles, but at a certain point it might not even come in the discussion any longer.

So, in marriage one should be able to let his/her self completely go, and devote completely to the other person. It's not important to worry to feel loved, to feel jaelous, to need the other part of us do something for us... I think one should concentrate only in giving, serving the other, caring, ensure that the other is happy. If the other person is sincere, will do the same to us, so we don't have to worry about ourselves any longer. For this reason, it requires a lot of maturity, because for many people it is a jump in the void to surrender to his/her other half and forget about him/herself. If only one is a bit ego-centered, the cyrcle of love is broken and can become toxic.

I would call it simply "selfless devotion" to the other.