Negative Tendencies in Dating

[DavidM]

Crisi, have you fall in love? when I buy a car, I need to make it sure it is really in good condition and really try it. In dating, how will you know that the woman is good in bed she might be lousy ? Did you get my point crisi? How can you marry someone if that is what you believe? No doubt you are still single.

wanting, please do not resort to ridicule. i personally think the kicking the tires analogy is a little wrong. sex was created by God just like marriage was. we as humans have the ability to not be good at both, but we can be good at both if we obey God's word and submit to one another giving ourselves fully and lifting each other up with words of encouragement. Crisi wants to honor God and serve him in this, and I believe that God will fully reward her.

[Edwin]

I have thought about what Crisi has been writing about a quite a bit. I am a 1950s and 60s child. The beatnick era was when I was approaching and in high school. The hippy era was at the end of my high school and into my Bible College years. I was from a rural area, and I didn't know what a hippy was when I went to Bible College. I had my black western hat, jeans, western shirt, western boots, and one of the instructors told me jokingly that I looked like a hippy! Well, at that time I didn't know what a hippy was. The beatle music was coming into full popularity at that time, and when Carol and I went on our honeymoon to California a few years later we saw hippies everywhere. I guess what I am saying is that when I was young people were just starting to sleep together on a regular basis without the sanctity of marriage. They were living together, which didn't happen much in preceding years. I grew up in the church, and had convictions from my experience and teaching from the Asssemblies of God perspective. Dancing was even a sin for us, and when the other kids did their square dancing we from our church sat out with permission notes sent from home. I have never tried to hide the fact that I loved the girls. I had lots of girl friends and thought I loved each one of them. I wanted to be married from the time I was graduated from high school, but it took a number of years after that before it actually took place. I will also admit that I had a strong sex drive. I wanted to have sex, but I knew it was wrong before marriage. All I can say is that I think God protected me, because if the situation had been right, I may have done that, but God protected me, even in my weakness, if you can call it that and Carol or I neither one had sex before marriage. She and I are the only ones who have ever had sex with each other. I think that is the right way, and the way God wants it, and people who violate that principle have a price to pay, even though I know God forgives them when they ask Him to. Since that is God's way, I don't think anyone should be trying anyone else out in bed before marriage to see what they might be like in bed after marriage, because it is not God's way. I think Crisi, and others like her are to be commended for keeping themselves pure before God, and pure for their marriage partner. I know not everyone will agree with me, but that is the way that I see it.

[fenmoor]

Crisi, have you fall in love? when I buy a car, I need to make it sure it is really in good condition and really try it. In dating, how will you know that the woman is good in bed?

I actually like this analogy. It is like a car. If you have a pristine brand new shiny car, straight off the assembly line. You get it and show it to all your friends and pamper it. Lavishing you attention and care upon it.

Of course you could get a 15 year old wreck that has been "Driven" by many other drivers. It will get you where you want to go, but you will simply use the car for transportation. There is no magic, no joy and no pleasure in this. Just keeping it running will be "work" instead of desire.

So it is like the difference between a new car and a used car. There is a reason that a new car commands so much more money than a used car. You know EVERYTHING that has been in that new car. The used car you have to take to the mechanic before you even buy it, because you have no idea what the previous "owner" did to it. There is a reason that "used" cars command a lesser price. At least with people, they can determine themselves if they are a new or a used car.

As for me... I am a beat up old cavalier from MANY days gone past... But I can tell you this... I respect someone, like Cris, who hold herself to a higher standard. When Cris is taken home from the car lot, someone will be a very lucky man.

What better wedding gift could you ask for from a woman? Trust me Wanting. When you get to be my age, there are more important things in this world than if your wife is an excellent lover. I have had excellent lovers and when you are sick in your bed and need care... You could care LESS how good she is in bed. What you need is the love in her heart... THAT should be the focus.

Our society has placed something that was designed to be sacred. Something special and made it trash. Well some people still believe it to be special... and the worse society becomes the more "special" those people are.

So Crissi, you keep on keeping on and I assure you, your future husband will appreciate the gift you bring.

One last thing. The gestation period of HIV is approximately 5 years... 10 until it becomes AIDS and then usually within a year death, without treatment. OF course this varies... So those of you who like diving between the sheets with anyone who strikes your fancy... I hope you sleep well for the next 5 years.

Bill

PS Thank you Cris for your eloquent defense of the truth.

[Edwin]

Bill, I like your analogy of the car to the woman. It makes good sense. I hear you also about us being old guys, some of us, and yes, if we are sick in bed, there is a lot of value placed on the loving care that the right kind of person can give. It is not only the care, but the love and concern that goes with it. People like Crisi hold themselves valuable and they hold their value or appreciate instead of depreciating. Then you are so right about the diseases! I have heard many times that when you have sex with someone, you are not only having sex with that person, but you are having sex with every other person that they had sex with, meaning that you can pick up any kind of disease that someone else is carrying, even though they may not have that disease, they may be a carrier, and you might die because of something they carry to you. So live according to God's word and protect your value, because God appreciates that, and your future mate appreciates that also. The people who are living fast and loose, when they get ready to get married, most of the time they want someone who is pure and chaste! God's way is the best way!

[pichuck]

I would not buy a car without trying it out either. But a lady is not a car and I certainly would not want to marry a lady that had been for a "test drive" with every man in town!! If you really love each other, that will make the "love making" really good.

[red]

There is positive side on dating. It is just a matter of self control. You can go out dating just chatting over dinner.
Women are not like cars. When old and worn out trade in with new ones and latest model. Guys are not the only ones who know how to drive, women can be best drivers too.
keep it up crisi...let me know when you are marrying someone...will tell you bed techniques.

[Edwin]

Yes, Red, self control helps a lot and then looking to the Lord for help. I invited one of my girlfriends up to my parents ranch, so that we could got riding horses. Before we left her Dad prayed, as he was a Pentecostal Church of God minister. He prayed that she and I would not do anything that we should not be doing! It embarrassed me, but it was a good prayer, and it worked. We didn't do anything that we should not have been doing. The mother told me once that she respected me, and was proud of me because she knew that I was not trying to get her daughter pregnant. That was embarrassing also. They were wonderful people as well. My wife Carol's brother-in-law said when his wife was 40 that he wanted to trade her in for two 20s!

There was one young lady on here who was listing qualities that she wanted in her man. She wanted him to be well groomed, shaved, bathed, smelling nicely, a certain age, and she wanted him to have good teeth. It kind of tickled me, because one of our male friends responded to her post, and asked her if she was looking for a horse! In a way the comparisons hold up, but then we can say that a young lady is not a car, or a horse. We do not take her for a test drive. That is true, that we do not trade her in when she gets old and battered!

[Smiley]

We all have our ideas and ideals of what we are looking for.I knew a couple people who actually had a checklist and anybody that did not pass this checklist crap was ignored.Age,income,education,social standing,etc.
I asked one of these ladies how she would rank on her own list.
Being too hung up on a shopping list can possibly eliminate the best choices.Loyalty,honesty,empathy and dedication should be a lot more important than more transient qualities.
Respect is important. Both respect for others and for the self.
A physical attraction is also important,some people will say that it isn`t but I totally disagree.
Both parties in a relationship must want to make the other very happy.It is not enough to expect the other to serve you but you must make it your ambition to make the other happy in every way you can.Not because you are required to ,but because you WANT to.
I think that the only negative aspects are when one or both parties are being dishonest either with the other or with themselves.Or when one uses the other or controls the other.

[wantingmore]

There is positive side on dating. It is just a matter of self control. You can go out dating just chatting over dinner.
Women are not like cars. When old and worn out trade in with new ones and latest model. Guys are not the only ones who know how to drive, women can be best drivers too.
keep it up crisi...let me know when you are marrying someone...will tell you bed techniques.

Tell us crisi if you get married. I wonder when

[crisipicada]

There is positive side on dating. It is just a matter of self control. You can go out dating just chatting over dinner.
Women are not like cars. When old and worn out trade in with new ones and latest model. Guys are not the only ones who know how to drive, women can be best drivers too.
keep it up crisi...let me know when you are marrying someone...will tell you bed techniques.

Tell us crisi if you get married. I wonder when

To Red: I will get married in God's time, in His perfect time. No need to hurry. God's timing never late nor behind. Well, I do not need techniques, I just want to express love with my future husband and be submitted to him

To wantingmore: I will let you know when to get marry and I will send you photo if I am married.