How to make your relationship last

[crisipicada]

I am fond of planting flowers and trees. When I was staying with my late father, I learn from him how to take care plant trees and vegetables. He loved to plant banana and sweet potato. He always teach us how to cultivate a piece of land in preparation for planting vegetables and fruits. In order to grow the plant well, it needs to pull out the weeds that hinders the growth of plants. Also, it need to put organic fertilizer like the rotten leaves and animal waste. It needs to water the plants when it is already dried up.

Like any relationship, at the very first thing, relationship needs to have foundation. The foundation of friendship wherein you can fully know the person well, and make the relationship grow into much deeper. At this point, it needs honesty and faithfulness. It needs to be true and no fake attitude. In other words, show your real person. Of course, you will know the person in the stage of friendship. Because you do not care about what people would say what you wear, what you say or what you are. You are at yourself in the stage of friendship. Now, there are lots of people get attracted to someone else after they have been friends. I do believe that it is important to take care of someone's heart by not stirring emotions or false expectation unless you are ready for commitment.

How many of us would say "I am very much attracted to you" and later on not willing to commit themselves to someone they have said that words? I would prefer to say to someone "I am praying for you" than to tell him "I am attracted to you". Why? Because when you are praying for him that means you are considering him. While saying "attracted to him" means you are expecting from someone to return your attraction and that is selfishness.

Any comment from someone out there about this matter? What can you say?

[Edwin]

The bad thing about the weeds comes in at least two problems. First of all the weeds draw moisture out of the ground that the important plants need. Then the other thing is that the weeds rob the soil of nutrients as well. So besides the weeds taking the water, they also take what the plants need to allow them to grow and do well.

You are right, Crisi, about friendship first being important. In friendship you are usually not trying to impress anyone, but you are being yourself. Friendship takes the pressure off, and people are less apt to put on a false front. It is important not to give anyone false hopes. If you lead someone to believe that person has hopes for you, you need to be ready to make good on that, rather than allowing them to hope for you, then letting them down. Praying for each other is always good! Telling someone you are attracted to that person might not always be good, and might give false hopes, or may even not be recipricated which would not be fun either! As well pray for each other, we are always doing good for the other person!

[red]

We just celerated our anniversary. My husband said he love me more and more. I said " i learned more from you." I believe that marriage founded with genuine love and friendship works best. We somehow worked onincompatibilities. In fact it was not big deal coz days go by we adapt each others then incompatibility is gone there is still a one or two but it isnt a prob. So what if i like little bit salty and he isnt. We dont eat in one plate.

[Edwin]

Red, that is very funny, because after Carol and I were married a couple of weeks she cooked gravy that was so salty that I didn't want to eat it, but I did, but I also complained about it. She never used salt in the gravy again! Congratulations, Red, on your anniversary for you and your husband, and may you have many, many more years! Today Carol and I have been married 44 years; today is our anniversary also!

[red]

Thank you sir Ed...and congratulations to you both!
My prayers you reach 50 and more. We still have long ways to go. Make everyday momentous life is so short. May God bless us more bountiful years ahead.

[Edwin]

Yes, for sure, Red, and God Bless Us All! I can't remember now, I think Carol and I had been married two or three years, and her uncle told us that many people didn't make their marriages last even two or three years! Now it seems strange that we have made it to 44 years! We have been together for so long that we have a lot of history together. I think of her relatives as my relatives, and she the same with mine. She has done a lot of genealogy work on all our families a few years ago. She has lost the desire for it mostly, but she has lots of information from when she was enthusiatic about it. Carol now has other interests, concerns, and her health is not as good anymore, so she doesn't have the energy to do what she did a few years ago. I think people do get closer together as the years go by, and I think we disagree less than we used to, although we still do not always see things the same, and have disagreements. I do feel for Carol as she did not have a happy childhood, and her mother abandoned her at a very early age. She and her brother were very close through the years, and it was very hard on Carol when he died of Cancer last April. Carol has a hard time looking at his pictures, or pictures of his place in the Philippines yet, but I think she will get so it will not hurt her so much eventually.

Yes, Carol reminded me not long about about life being short, and she told me that I need to be happy and enjoy my life! The Bible says, "Let no man take your joy from you!" Yes, we pray for more bountiful years ahead for you guys and for us. Whatever God's will is, that is what we want!

[m&m]

Date your wife as you treat her during courting.

[mystic]

As I read in the forum, I get scared by some posts of Crisi, because they look too identical to my way of thinking and behaving
My compliments for your gift of communication!!

In order to grow the plant well, it needs to pull out the weeds that hinders the growth of plants. Also, it need to put organic fertilizer like the rotten leaves and animal waste. It needs to water the plants when it is already dried up.

I use to think that God made everything in His image, not just man. Only, man is the most complete representation/image of Him. So, in everything we see in nature, there is His "blueprint". Please, allow me to expand your wonderful thought to full ripeness.

1. you need to pull out the weeds: every seeking person comes from with a not ready heart. The land of his/her heart might be a desert (lonliness), contain stones (sores, sufferings) or weeds (craving, desperation, or any other thought that builds on the ground), etc. So, the first thing we need to do is preparing the proper ground (also: get the paper white, so that it can be written again; or empty the glass, so that it can be filled again). The weeds are perhaps the most important thing to pull out, because they are all those false thoughts that ruin a relation. They are always trying to grow and destroy the harvest (we call them "crazy weed" here).

2. you put fertilizer: you prepare/open your heart for the big run that will lead you to your goal. You have to be "willing" to accept somebody in your life; simply having a white board where to write does not mean you have the pencil to actually do the writing. The search requires an extraordinary (non-ordinary) sensibility, attention, care, etc., to do things well. So, that's why we fertilize, so that things will grow better, in a rich soil. Maybe we could call this stage "friendship"... and curiously it is the "waste" that fertilizes. Knowing each other needs a sharing of experiences, whether in the good or in the bad.

3. the plants need wated: here love (the plant) already blossomed. It needs water to continue its growth. Indeed, it also needs the warmth of the sun. Love can quench the thirst (water) when it is a God given gift, but can also burn and consume a person (fire) when the heat (passion, just physical desires, etc.) is too much. I believe that love is a balance between these two elements. So, this is about the commitment and the love stage.

How many of us would say "I am very much attracted to you" and later on not willing to commit themselves to someone they have said that words? I would prefer to say to someone "I am praying for you" than to tell him "I am attracted to you". Why? Because when you are praying for him that means you are considering him. While saying "attracted to him" means you are expecting from someone to return your attraction and that is selfishness.

I totally agree. The Bible teaches us not to promise, but your word should be as a promise. I tend to always measure my words, and better to keep them humble than to make them boastful, and then not respect them. I found that people can hardly understand this, even if you explain this to them. They will usually move on instead of waiting to hear from you the word that they are expecting. Maybe it can be a shield to distinguish if a person can read you inside and is really committed; if they can wait for the proper time and be serious enough. Well, you risk to see your hair turn grey too...

[Edwin]

You are so right, M&M, about treating your wife as you did when you were courting! We have a saying here about the honeymoon being over, but I don't think it ever needs to be over. Too many of them are sweet as pie until the I do's are said, and then the devil comes out, so to speak, or maybe even in reality. I know our youngest daughter's first husband started being mean to her on their honeymoon, and it got a lot worse including abusing and mistreating their childen until the 18 year old now wil have nothing to do with him, because of so many unhappy memories. Everyone deserves to treated with love, kindness, and respect!

[crisipicada]

I do believe that hearts matters most in terms of relationship. As we get closer and closer our relationship to the Father, we become always have the heart to love someone else. That is real. Therefore, having a good relationship with Him will keep the relationship last, too.