Attraction, Obsession, Infatuation, Fantasy

[wayne208]

M&M & Edwin : I agree with You on the fact that Opposites seem to be drawn to each other.. Many of My friends Married Ladies that they had very little in Common .. Or so it seemed to Me . Yet most of them have been married for 30+ years ? i have No Idea what the Secret to a happy Marriage is .. If I did I would share it with everyone .
Crisi this is a Good Thread as it does make a Person think about it .. May God watch over Us All

[Edwin]

Yes, M&M, it is important not to do what would trigger false emotions, and give the person false hope, hope for you when there really isn't any hope. In a way this is somewhat like marriage and divorce. When you give the person hopes, it is like you are marrying them. Then when you don't follow through it is like separation and divorce. That hurts everyone. It hurts the people invovled and also the bystanders, whether they are family or friends.

[lie_ta]

Attraction is normal for human being because we have feelings. We are not robot to dictate with. I learn to love and soon fade. That is normal also.

[Edwin]

Yes, lie_ta, attraction is normal because of the feelings that we have. We can override those feelings, but sometimes it is very difficult if those feelings are strong enough. If we realize the attraction is not good, then with God's help we can not allow that attraction. You are right we are not robots, but we have free wills that allow us to do what we want. No one truly pulls our strings if we don't want them to do that! We learn to love, and then when something happens we lose that love, and it hurts, but eventually it does fade. These are very interesting terms.

Attraction is like a magnet. We almost can't help but be drawn in to the other person with whom we are attracted. Obsession takes attraction one step further, and is usually one sided. We are attracted to someone else, but they are not attracted to us, and we can become obessed with our feelings for them, when they are not reciprocated. In this can we might as well back off, say, "Well, I wish it could be, but it wasn't meant to be, and I am going to forget that I ever had this desire." That is the only healthy thing to do. With obsession, someone for more than one person gets hurt, and even sometimes people die as a result of an obsession. Infatuation is like if someone sits on your lap, and immediately you have all these strong urges and feelings. You want badly to do something about that feeling, or those feelings you have for that other person. The infatuation might result from seeing another beautiful person, not knowing anything about them. If you knew that person, you would either want to continue the relationship, or you would run! Infatuation is somewhat like attraction, and often physical qualities drive infatuation. The person is beautiful, or you come into physical contact, and you want more until you have fulfilled that infatuation, by further persuing the person to what ever end you come to. Attraction and infatuation are not necessarily bad, but it is how you deal with those. Do you control them, or do you allow them to control you. Don't allow yourselve to be drawn in where you shouldn't be. If it is good, and times proves that, then that is great and wonderful, and you can really be in love for real. Don't ever obess though! There is nothing wrong with fantasy. Most little kids have fantasy friends. It is okay to night dream or daydream, but make sure you know the difference between fantasy and reality! It is fun and complety normal to have some fantasies. Just make sure you don't live in a world of all fantasies! A fun fantasy would be dreaming about a lover coming from another country with a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolate candies! That would be fun, huh?

[Edwin]

Crisi, started the posting on this subject back in September, and these qualities are good to think about and understand. Being clear on them will help guide you in your relationships.

I think they had a television show on some time back about people revealing that they had crushes on certain people. I think sometimes it opened up something beautiful and wonderful, and sometimes it was disasterous, depending on the people and the reactions. If you are the one who has the crush it is important to know how to handle that so that you are not embarrassed, or badly insulted. You have to be wise in how you reveal that you have a crush. Also it is important if you are the one who is the object of the crush to know how to handle that as well, so that the other person is not badly hurt when you possibly let that person down. Of course the thing is that if you are the object of the crush, you may have no idea, so it may come as a surprise or even a shock, good or bad!

If it were legal for me to have a crush on someone, which it is not because I am married, but if it were I would want the other person to be kind to me even if they did not have the same feelings that I did. I would want to be let down easy, and not have someone be careless with my feelings. We can all be kind to each other, no matter what the situation is. If I were the object of the crush, I would try to be understanding and kind. I would have to be honest, but I could also protect the other person's feelings, and not hurt them in the process. So a little kindness goes a long ways. And, everyone is different, and so everyone reacts differently in these situations. But I think the important thing is to put myself/yourself in the other person's shoes and realize how that person would feel in that situation.

I think attraction, infatuation, and fantasy can all be positive things in the right situations, but I think obesession is nearly always negative, unless you are talking about being obsessed with loving and serving God, and then that is a very positive thing. Infatuation is something that happens to all of us at times, and can lead to something good. Being attracted is natural, and God has put it within us, and it is what we do with it that makes it what it is. There is nothing wrong with fantasy as long as you can come back to reality shortly, and you do not live your entire life in a fantasy world.

[crisipicada]

It is a good thing to evaluate and reevaluate our feelings to someone. Why? Because we might carried away by feelings and not by what is truth. The truth is our hearts can blind us. The more you use your heart, the more you make mistake. What i mean is that we must use our mind to evaluate our feelings. Is the feelings genuine or just what you see in the person that is so shallow and then make a conclusion that you love her/him. Of course it takes time and prayers to find the right one. We may have different love story but the most important is that we are honest with our intention and have genuine love for someone. What do you think?

[Edwin]

Yes, Crisi, feelings can overwhelm truth. That happens all the time as young couples are going with each other, and they seem to be blind to each other's fault, not always, but usually, and then marriage, and then, boy does the light turn on. Suddenly they see faults they never saw before. Someone said that a couple should think about and be aware of each other's faults before marriage, and then they should be blind to each other's faults after marriage, but it usually works the opposite. The other thing almost related to this, is don't expect the change the other person. People usually don't change, unless God changes them, and that does happen. When a person is born again, born from above, all old things pass away, and behold all becomes new. There is a new attitude, new way of thinking, and a new way of living, with new desires and aspirations.

[mystic]

If a violin is the body, the strings are the soul and the bow that gives the vibration of sound is the spirit, if the spirit does not put the strings into motion the instrument is just a mute useless piece of wood.

So, if one does not show his emotions, he is a mute instrument. The other people should know us on all our 3 levels (body-spirit-mind). So, it is important that they see also how we deal with feelings, how sincere our feelings are, etc.

Now, the violin can be used in many ways. You can make a serenade and play into the ear of your beloved. That's not a really good approach, because you will make her deaf, and she will love you not because of the good sound, but because the sound is so strong and near, that it overwhelms everything else. When the violin goes at some distance, our beloved will find how the quality of the sound really is... and here problems might arise. One might get the wrong impression when overwhelmed.

As with everything, there is always a right place and a right direction. Between friends, beloved, etc., care should be taken for the right "setup", the right conditions. Today they go and play an instrument in a public square, under a gallery, wherever it happens. Once, instead, they cared a lot to find the "sweet spot". They examined the acoustic, the return of the signal. In a room, they moved a little on the right or on the left to adjust the response of the room. Today we do not even know this, being used to stay immersed in noise and loudspeakers.

Friendship is something precious, as love is. I would treat a friend with all care and respect like I would treat any other person. Detached friendship is not an excuse for me to forsake proper behavior, care, attention to circumstances, etc. So, it is not an excuse for me to show more myself as I really am. Instead, I use to place "layers" between me and the other person. I choose what subjects to say and which ones should remain hidden. Supposedly, with a potential mate I should open all the layers.

[Edwin]

mystic, opening all the layers is risky business, but after a time it is necessary, and without it there would never be a closeness. If we are to gain we have to take the risks, and then either it is successful or it is a failure, but we have done our part.

I agree with you 100 percent about the noise. You can't hear the music when the noise is so loud, that is all you hear! I favor the acoustics and being able to hear the music well enough to enjoy it.

Chosing what subjects to talk about makes good sense. With a good, close friend you could perhaps talk about anytlhing, but talking about some things might have it risks. I have learned more later than earlier that a person might want to talk about some interesting subjects, but it is not always safe to talk about everything that enters your mind. I found that a certain person really close to me, well, used to be, but anyway this person did not appreciate my sense of humor. I thought this person would enjoy any story that I would tell, but I learned that it was important to tell fewer stories, more select stories, talk less, not more. It was a shock. Humor is great, but also sometimes the humor is not appreciated, so we must refrain from using it, or telling the stories.

[Edwin]

I think these words all conjure up positve thoughts and actions, except for obsession. It is good and natural to be attracted to someone. You might need to decided if that attraction is beneficial or not. You have to decide if it is something you want to persue. Any time there is an obsession that is all you can think about, and you plan your entire life around an obsession. Obsession leads to stalking and other unsavory actions. Obsession is dangerous for you, the person obsessed and for other people around you as well. Infatuation is merely, I think, a physical attraction where you think you are in love because you had someone sitting near you, or even on you, or something, or someone you have seen. I think infatuation is natural as well, but we need to be careful how we deal with infatuation, because is is based on feeling that may not last. An infatuation may lead to a fling, and that might not be healthy. People who jump from one lover to the next probably are motivated by infatuation, and then when life becomes reality there is no lasting relationship. I think fantasy is fine. It is okay to dream, daydream, or wish, but it is important to realize the difference between fantasy and reality. Little children often live in fantasy where they have make believe friends. If you have a fantasy be sure to come back to reality, or someone or something will bring you back to reality! So persue your fantasy as long as it can become a reality!