JOKER'S CORNER

[edeline]

A blind man in a store
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

[Edwin]

That is very funny, Edeline! I watched a movie years ago that had a guy in it who was carrying a blind man's cane. It was in an eating place, I think in New York City. When he got up to leave he took his cane, and as he walked he used his cane to bump the chairs and other objects so he would know where to walk. He did this going out onto the sidewalk beside the street, and down the street still using his cane as he walked along. Then he walked to his car, opened the door, threw the cane in the back and drove away. Obviously he was not blind, but just pretending for some reason. I also saw a movie once where this elderly lady walked to her car with other friends, and she was the driver, but she got in the back seat. I don't know whether she could not see well, or whether she was playing the part of a senile person.

[Edwin]

I found this little funny story on facebook, posted by a guy that I have known since he was a little boy. I have heard that when someone loses one sense the others become magnified, and help the compensate for a lost sense. I have known more people who could not hear than people who could not see. Often times people who can't hear talk differently than the rest of us do, with tones and inflections. Some of them almost use a sing song manner of talking. Many people who can't hear talk loudly, while others talk so quietly that you can hardly hear them. They often pick up on vibrations that the rest of us miss. Anyway here it is:

Blind Cashier at Cabela's

A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades.
She says to him, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
... He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-pound test line. It's a good all-around combination, and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.
At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."

She paid it and left without saying a word.

[Edwin]

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison! The buffalo is an interesting animal. I don't know a lot about them, but I think they cross them with cattle and call them beafalo, and I think they then get the best of both animals. The people who now raise buffalo have to built stronger taller fences to keep them in. We knew a guy years ago who was a family member of some of the people who lived near us who raised buffalo. When they would get out, they would travel across the country, I mean for miles, and then he would have a quite a job getting them back in. I was working for my brother at the time, driving tractor in the field, and every so often I would see one of his buffalo traveling not far from where I was driving the tractor. They would just walk through or jump over the fences that were made for cows, like they were a line on the ground. Those fences meant nothing to the buffalo!

[Edwin]

Stop, drop, and roll does not apply in hell. I got this from the same guy that I knew from the time he was a little boy. Hell was not created for man, but for the devil and his angels. Man has decided to go to hell also because of his pride and rejecting Jesus sacrifice on the cross. Hell is a place where the fire is not quenched and the worm dieth not. Hell will be forever, and it will be hotter than anything you could imagine. The rich man begged Abraham to send Lazerus to just give him one drop of water for his tongue, but that was not allowed. It was a place of torment. Do what ever you need to, to avoid hell, because it is a real place and people are going there. According to the Bible there are degrees of punishment, but I don't think anyone understands that completely, except that hell will be hotter for Adolf Hitler, Stalin, who was a ministerial student studying for the priesthood in the Russian Orthodox church, much like the Catholic faith, but where did he go wrong, to become a mass murderer. The Bible tells us that some will be beaten with few stripes while others will be beaten with many strips, which suggests degrees of punishment. Some will say how can a God of love send people to hell, well, they chose to go to hell by rejecting Jesus, God's sacrifice for sins.

[Edwin]

This guy that I have known since he was a little boy put this on his facebook: "C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them." He is a drummer, so someone commented that the information seemed a little advanced for a drummer! This takes a twist in the imagination to visualize this. It is almost like some of those cartoons that have musical instruments pictured as people. Of course the bar is not really a bar, but a meaure, and I don't know who the bartender is, but I guess he is responsible for all the notes and rests. Minors is not really underaged people but minor rather than major in the music. Open fifth has nothing to do with alcohol. So it is kind of funny!

[Edwin]

This is a kind of funny story that I borrowed from this same fellow that I have before and posted here. This story talks about a professor who is challenging God in front of his class. This happens a lot in this country in godless colleges, with professors who don't have sense enough to know what to believe. I have heard before of people who challenge God in his existence and power. Because God does not strike them dead immediately that does not mean they got away with their insults towards God. I have heard it said before that with God Friday is not necessarily pay day, but there will come a pay day for all of us. Here is the story:

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in.

He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform... I'll give you exactly 15 min."

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here ...I am GOD, I'm still waiting."

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.

The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there

looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to,

noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked,

"What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The Marine calmly replied,

"GOD was too busy today protecting America 's

soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid

stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me."



The classroom erupted in cheers!

[Smiley]

Im not sure if this is the right place for this but here goes:
Are there any atheists here? If so please let me know if I got this right ok?
On Yahoo Answers There are always a couple trolls who try to make anyone who is not an atheist look like a superstitious fool. This is my reply to them:

In the beginning there was nothing,
And it was nowhere.
(With me so far?)
And then,
For no reason whatsoever,
Nothing happened to it.
Which caused it to explode,
And for no reason to somehow....
Become everything.
(Does this really make sense to atheists?)
And the everything began to spontaniously reproduce
Again for no reason.
Then everything began to mutate.....
Until Charles Darwin discovered everything.

Does that pretty much sum it up for you?

[Smiley]

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her doctor to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.

'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doc.

'Not a chance', she said... 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'No problem,' replied the doc. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'...

'What is Irish Viagra?', she asked.

'It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a Week to let me know how things went' the doc explained.

It was a week later when she called the doc, who directly inquired as to her progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'

'Really? What happened?' asked the doc.

'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in His coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, A twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging Fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me Cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters And took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'

'Why so terrible?' asked the doc, 'Do you Mean the sex your husband provided wasn't Good?'
It was the best sex I've Had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' Here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again.

[Edwin]

This is an old joke, and you may have heard it before. The preacher came to church with cuts on his face. One of his members of his church asked him what happened. He told his church member that he was thinking about his sermon and cut his face. The church member said, next time will you please think about your shaving and cut your sermon!!!!