JOKER'S CORNER

[Edwin]

We worked with a guy who was our supervisor in the jobs we had at this resort for about 10 years. He thought he was more clever than he was! Part of the job description was that we were required to laugh at his jokes, even when they were not funny, which most of the time they were not. I did laugh at his jokes when sometimes I thought, "boy, that was really a stupid thing for you to tell. Anyway he did have some funny things to tell, but often his humor was strange. He called bananas monkey burgers! We all love bananas as well as apples in our family. My wife's sister, who was really her cousin, but they called each other sister, because they grew up in the same family. Anyway her name was Dorothy, and Dorothy had a granddaughter who called her Nanna. Well, our youngest daughter was a little girl at the time, and the granddaughter said, hey, Nanna. Then our daughter said, "I want a banana too!!!!

[Edwin]

Some people never learn, and be sure your sins will find you out!

This situation isn't at all funny, but what was written was really funny, to me anyway. This married couple was working on their immigration CR1, and the husband admitted that he had tried marijuana as a kid, so they drug tested him because of his admission. Well, he tested positive, so now he has to go through a program of testing for one year, and he has to be clean for that year. I don't think they are in big trouble, but they are being held up with this.

On of the responses was really funny I thought:

"He tried marijuana once as a teen and now the urine test is positive? Uhm, I'm no doctor, but it seems like he has a lot of liquid retention... "

Well, it is sad for them, and now they have to get in and survive the program.

[Edwin]

I saw this really funny, at least I thought it was funny, story on facebook that was posted by a causual friend and classmate of Carol's brother. This elderly man was stopped by the police while driving around after 2 a.m. The police officer asked him where he was going. The elderly man told the police officer he was going to a lecture on the evils of drinking alcohol, using tobacco, and staying out too late. The police officer asked him who the speaker was. The elderly man told the police officer that the speaker was his wife!!!!

[crisipicada]

In an amateur singing contest in the barrio:

Host: So, what is your song to sing today?

Andrew: My song is entitled " I have"

Host: That is good! Ladies and gentlemen, here is Andrew to sing "I have"

Andrew: I have ... I have.. I have two hands the left and the right... so clean and bright.. Clap them softly, 1, 2, 3, Clean little hands are good to see!

[Edwin]

A lady who had attended a church for some time, went up to her pastor and handed him a Bible that had 2 covers and very little, very few pages inside. He asked her what the meaning of that was, and she told him every time he told his congregation that something should not be in the Bible, she tore the pages out. When he would tell his people that the best translations did not have that passage in it, she tore it out. After he had delivered a number of sermons over a period of time she had very little left in her Bible that he thought belonged there!

[Edwin]

There was an elderly lady that was placed in a retirement home by her family. The staff had a hard time with her because they thought she would start to fall over, so they would grab her and sit her up straight. This went on for days, and finally her family came to visit her. They ask her if she was being treated well, and she said, "yes, they treat me well except for one thing." Oh, the family asked "what is that one thing?" She told them that the people in the home would not allow her to pass gas!

[mystic]

This is a neapolitan joke:

A priest goes to the psychiatrist. The doctors asks him: "Do you ever talk while sleeping?"
The priest answers: "No. Only when the others are sleeping."

[mystic]

Other neapolitan:

A gentlemen goes to the shop to buy a sheet of paper to write a letter and an envelope.
The attendant asks him whether he wants it for ordinary mail, registered mail, priority mail, express, by air...
The gentleman states: Simple!
The attendant asks him whether he wants it white or colored.
The gentleman states again: Simple!
The attendant asks him whether he wants it for a business, familiar, or intimate matter.
The gentleman, getting angry, almost answers him rudely. But in the meantime, another gentlemen enters carrying a toilet on his back. With effort, he places it on the desk of the attendant and says:
This is the ass and this is the toilet! Will you sell me a roll of toilet paper now?

[mystic]

Ok, last one. No reference/offense intended.

During an ecumenical meeting, a breathless doorkeepr comes and screams: "Fire, fire, the building is burning!"
Francescans gather and sing the lauds to brother fire.
Baptists scream "Hurry up, bring the water!"
Quakers thank for the blessing of fire.
Luterans affix 95 thesis declaring that fire is completely corrupt.
Jews put a sign on the door so that the fire does not touch them.
Lefebvrians scream that God's revenge is right.
Orthodox say that they will not allow the western fire to invade their territory.
Anglicans form a procession and leave the community in order not to pay taxes to Rome.
Scientists demonstrate that there was no fire.
Pentecostals wait for the fire to come on their heads.
Domenicans gather a chapter that has the duty to name an officer, who has to appoint a commission to study the phenomenon scientifically.
Benedictines go to the organ and write a new gregorian song, "Rustici sic utuntur ad focum" (So are burned the peasants in fire).
Charismatics sing the lauds of the spiritual fire.
Opus Dei thinks that it is an attack by Dan Brown.
Neocatecumenals in front of the incumbent fire confess their sins publicily.
Salesians teach not to be afraid of fire.
Paolins send a journalist who describes the fire.
Jesuits let a bin pass, in order to collect money and pay for the damages...

[Edwin]

mystic, your joke taking about the priest talking while other people were sleeping reminds me of a couple of stories. While I was pastoring a church years ago I started a film we were all watching, and we had invited other churches in town. I had been working too hard, and I went sound asleep, and slept until the film was finshed. I was pretty embarrassed, but in the dark, I doubt if anyone knew I was sleeping. I have been having trouble staying awake in church lately as I have been working really hard, but the hardest is finished, so maybe I can stay awake in church for a change.

My brother attended a Catholic funeral for a neighbor of ours. He was working hard also, and he went to sleep. Another neighbor for a joke jabbed him in the ribs, and told him it was over. He got up started down the isle, and the funeral director motioned him back to his seat. It was not over!