JOKER'S CORNER

[Smiley]

That robot is the best portrayal of God since George Burns!!

[Edwin]

If you want to have some laughs watch, "The Disorderly," with Jerry Lewis in it. Not everyone would enjoy it because it is funny over the top! No one would do as many stupid things as Jerry Lewis did in that movie. There are quite a few people who would do some of the stupid things that he did, but they would no doubt get fired from their job in the process, but the management of the hospital loved Jerry Lewis no matter how many terrible things he did. It was fun to watch it!

[Edwin]

The kids have been helping us get our entire house plumbed for water! My son-in-law and I have been building block cellar walls. Neither one of us has ever laid any blocks, so it is kind of a joke, although he is working very hard at it, and learning at my expense! We are doing okay, but really slow. My other son-in-law who lives 3 hours away from here had laid blocks on construction jobs before, and he is coming next weekend, and will help as well as his wife, our daughter, will help also, and I am sure the walls will go up faster! Ice froze on Scooby's water this morning, so we need to get it finished. I built a little room in about 3 hours to protect our water system, pump and pressure tank. I put up quick block walls, threw blankets over the pump, and enclosed the top with some spare lumber, so that part it safe, but the pipe coming to it and going to the house is not safe, only I would not lose as much if that froze like I would if the pump and pressure tank froze. So the kids are coming to the rescue before everything freezes and busts!

The plumbing leaked under my sink, so I took it apart to fix it. It fell apart under the house as they only stuck it in about 1/32nd of an inch. They only had about 1/32 of and inch together under the sink is the reason it was leaking. I crawled under the house, put it together as it should have been, came up into the house and found that it was about 2 inches or more short of coming together. They were tired when they finished last time, and I think they cut the pipe short and they were trying to make it work anyway. Now I have a 2 inch gap with a bucket underneath. Most of the waste water runs down through the trap and out the pipe, and now I can literally watch the water run down the drain. Not everyone has the privilege of watchin water running into the trap below the sink!

I found enough parts to fix it, so all I have to do is cut the pipe, glue in a short pipe and 2 couplers, glue them together below the trap, and it will all fit perfectly!

[mystic]

At home, a married couple, the wife tells his husband:
-Dear, do you hear the door, how it creaks? Couldn't you fix it?
-Hey, I am not a carpenter!!!

Another time of the day:
-Dear, do you hear the tap of the bathroon that drips? Couldn't you fix it?
-Hey, I am not an hydraulic!!!

Still another time:
-Dear, did you see that the light of the refrigerator broke? Could you fix it?
-Hey, I am not an electricist!

A few days later, the husband comes home from work and, while opening the door, he realizes that it opens without creaking. Going near the bathroom, he sees that the tap does not drip any longer. Then, becoming curious, he goes to the refrigerator and finds that the light works. So, he calls her wife and says:
-Dear, I see that now everything works perfectly. How did you do?
-You know, our neighbor below us lost his job and has a lot of free time all day long, and he offered to fix those things.
-You paid him, I hope.
-I offered him money, but he said: Lady, as payment you either make a cake for me or come to bed with me!
-And I imagine you made him a cake.
-Hey, I am not a baker!!!

[Edwin]

Once a tractor truck pulling a van trailer was stuck at an over pass, being just a couple of inches too high to make it under the over pass. They were all stressing about what they could do to make it past the overpass, when a little boy said, "Why don't you let a little air out of the tires!" None of them had thought of that, but it took a child to bring that to their attention!

[mystic]

An old woman with a bleeding leg gets on the bus. A person asks her:
-Lady, what did you do to your leg?
-Oh... a dog bit me.
-Oh my... and did you put something on it?
-No, he liked it the way it was.

[Edwin]

This guy came home from church with 2 black swollen eyes. He was asked what happened. He said that the lady's dress in the pew in front of him was stuck when she stood up, so he pulled it out! That accounts for one black eye, but what happened that caused the other black eye? The guy said that she was so upset that he pulled it out, that he thought he should put it back, but that didn't make her happy either!

[jadegil6]

A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.
"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.
No, they went to town" said the boy.
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" asked the farmer.
"No, he went with Mom and Dad" the boy answered.
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message for you" said the boy.
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".
The boy thought for a moment...
"You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull, and $50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

[jadegil6]

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and
after a while they got to know each other so
well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom,
the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her
white dress. The groom broom was handsome
and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was
lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the
bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom,
' I think I am going to have a little whisk broom! '

' IMPOSSIBLE ! ' said the groom broom.
'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER !'


(hmmmmm...Sounds to me like she's been sweeping around!)

[mystic]

Two people date online.

He asks: So, where do we meet, by you or by me?
She answers: By both. You by you, and I by me.