Relationship Problems

[crisipicada]

90% of misunderstanding in any relationship is because of how we say. So be very careful with what you say. 10% is because not being agreed to that matter.

Being nice and say nothing against the thing is a good thing i have learned. If i do not agree with something what my officemates are doing, I do not say words that hurt. I do not say "That is wrong" or "That is not good" What i am saying is that, "I think sir, this is much better" or "What if this is what we will do"?

[red]

What Problems Have You Had In Your Relationship, And What Are Things That Someone Can Do To Avoid Those Mistakes?

I think being stubborn and pride, usually stubbornness is result of pride. So best swallow the pride. It may be even healthy to swallow it. And also no patience can create short-tempered. Those are hard to change but with self control and I think it will work out good. I'm telling here from experience. Moneywise, hmm being spendthrift. That can create prob in relationship so better we wise and know what is a difference between need and want/desire. So self-control and discipline can help avoid those prob.

[Edwin]

Yes, Crisi, it is difficult to say everything correctly all the time. Sometimes it helps to ask what did you mean by what you said? Sometimes it might help to say this is what I think you said. I think part of this also is a willingness to be understanding. A person shouldn't have to be so careful about what is said when the intentions are good. Each person needs to think now I might have misunderstood, or I don't think he/she meant to say that, that way. So, I think there should be a willingness to overlook things that are not said correctly, and especially when there is a language barrier. You might understand the language very well, and be able to express yourself, but if the language is not your first language, then it is much easier to misunderstand or be misunderstood, and effort needs to be made to be understanding.

We should be able to disagree and not have it cause problems, but from experience I know that with some people you can't disagree even if you know they are wrong. Crisi, the way you suggested responding to someone when you have a differing opinion is great. "That is wrong" or "That is not good" puts the other person on the defense. "I think sir, this is much better" or "What if this is what we will do" makes the other person feel almost as if it were that person's decision. I have learned the hard way that you can't take your words back, and I have said some of them that I wish I could take back. There are some people that will not forgive or forget about words that they think offends them. I think as a general rule there are some people who are not tolerant enough of other people. They take offense much too easily, and that causes lots of problems. I know of a young couple who will not attend church because they are offended at a number of the people who go to that church, and it is not the only place they have trouble. Some people are just waiting to be offended. It is good to be understanding.

[vefillexiahew]

I am not sure if there is anyone else that feels this way. But when Im having problems with my partner I like to vent to family and very close friends. Once the issue has been resolved between my partner and I sometimes I regret telling others. I know that other people begin to lose respect for your relationship and even for you.

How do I overcome this and not tell others my problems? Ive tried stopping myself from doing this because I realized that it does more harm than good. But when I get angry and need an outlet I find myself asking others for advice.

[red]

I am not sure if there is anyone else that feels this way. But when Im having problems with my partner I like to vent to family and very close friends. Once the issue has been resolved between my partner and I sometimes I regret telling others. I know that other people begin to lose respect for your relationship and even for you.

How do I overcome this and not tell others my problems? Ive tried stopping myself from doing this because I realized that it does more harm than good. But when I get angry and need an outlet I find myself asking others for advice.

I have done that before. There was once an intense fight between me and my partner. So out of rage and you feel like you are going to burst inside so you pick up your phone and call someone close to you and confide, seek comfort. Heck, that person is gonna tell somebody so later you heard that your issue with your partner has been a feast for awhile. Since then, I didn't do that anymore. Instead, better take some walk, get calm before you can even utter words or do something that you will regret later on. Then go back face your partner and talk. Resolved the problem between the two of you. Seek advice to your preacher, or pray. Or confide to your parents.

[red]

I am not sure if there is anyone else that feels this way. But when Im having problems with my partner I like to vent to family and very close friends. Once the issue has been resolved between my partner and I sometimes I regret telling others. I know that other people begin to lose respect for your relationship and even for you.

How do I overcome this and not tell others my problems? Ive tried stopping myself from doing this because I realized that it does more harm than good. But when I get angry and need an outlet I find myself asking others for advice.

Welcome to this forum. Hope to see you here often. Keep on posting.

[Edwin]

"Seek advice to your preacher, or pray. Or confide to your parents." Red

vefillexiahew, I am guessing that to a larger or lesser extent we all have that problem. I have an example of this between our youngest daughter and her older twin sisters. She suspected that they were carrying tales to her ex husband with whom she has been having war. They each chewed her out for thinking and saying that. The problems got bitter enough that she deleted her facebook account. Then they accused her of blocking them and using a false identity to stay of facebook, which was absolutely not true. Her cousin called her and asked why she could not access her pictures, so she told her cousin what her sisters had been doing, and that is the reason she deleted her account. Well, her cousin immediately called one of the twins and told them what our youngest daughter had told her, even though she asked her not to tell them anything, but she did anyway. The youngest daughter wanted to vent, ask her cousin not to tell, but she did, and you can't believe all the horrible things that resulted from that. I can't tell all, because I don't have enough time and space here to do that. But, we almost had to move away from here because of it, and our youngest daughter, her daughter, and our twins have not spoken to each other since that happened the first of February!

[crisipicada]

What Problems Have You Had In Your Relationship, And What Are Things That Someone Can Do To Avoid Those Mistakes?

There are always problem to any relationship, I do believe that. Even in married couples, there is always problems and always have disagreements. But what is good to it is that, we can disagree but we can not be into disagreement. Huh, confusing again.

Sometimes, it is important to respect someone's perspective and listen to ideas. It is important to listen to and discuss about concerns. there is no hard for two people who is listening to each other. If just in case the other one wont listen, then the other must give way and talk afterwards when two of you are in good spirit.

How did i know this? I learn this from my sister Cai who is married now with two kids. I am just so happy that when they have disagreement, they talk afterwards and then fix the problem and then later on they become sweeter when problem is resolve.

So you think, life wont be exciting without problems and all are okay? I think it is kind of boring life, too. It is just a matter of commitment and resolving the problem. What do you think, guys?

[Edwin]

I think it is good to respect each others ideas. I think this is even more true for those who are married and have differing religious backgrounds. It is probably better to marry someone who believes mostly like you do, but as long as both people believe in Jesus as Lord and Saviour then some of the other ideas can be overlooked, as long as salvation is not affected. Some has said the greater the disagreement the more fun it is to kiss and make up!!!! If you can't come to an agreement at least agree to disagree, and do it agreeably! Don't be so stubborn about what you believe that it leaves hard feelings. You can say well I believe what I believe and you can believe what you want to believe. If you can work things out by compromising that is great, but you can't afford to compromise on things that affect your faith in God. Problems can be worked out, and eventually two people get so they think pretty much alike after a period of time.

[m&m]

When both do not agree and have different perspective in life, that is one thing to consider.

Religion plays a lot whether the relationship will grow or not. Why? Because if both has different beliefs, then problem comes.

When the wife is not submissive to the husband that is one thing of the problem also. There are things why wife cannot submit to the husband. One is because of lack of respect. Or maybe the husband is not supportive to the family. There are family I can see around me in the barrio that the husband is not responsible. They seems not ready to be having a family. I believe that there are problems in any relationship, but abandoning your wife or husband is not good.