JOKER'S CORNER

[jadegil6]

John and his wife were sleeping when they heard some sounds coming from downstairs. They called 911 and reported that someone had probably broken into their house.

But before the cops could arrive, a nasty serial killer entered their bedroom. The intruder put a knife to the neck of John's wife and growled, "I always ask my victims their names before I murder them - so tell me your name?"

"Rosemary," the woman sobbed. The criminal said, "You remind me of my sister whose name was the same as yours, so I shall spare your life."

The criminal then turned to John and demanded his name.

Sweating profusely, he replied, "John.......but my friends call me Rosemary!"

[cheryz]

Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.

For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.

For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.

For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.

As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.

[Smiley]

A computer nerd was walking beside a pond when a frog jumped out and told him that she was really a beautiful princess and if he were to kiss her, she would make him VERY happy! He picked up the frog and put it into his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog poked her head out and said, "Didn't you hear me?! I'm a beautiful princess and if you kiss me I will stay with you and do ANYTHING you want!"
The guy took the frog out and said, "Look, I understand what you are saying, but I am a computer programmer and right now I don't have time for a girlfriend,........but a talking FROG is REALLY, REALLY COOL!

[cheryz]

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am."
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."

[cheryz]

From the Beyond

Brevity is next to confusion in the insurance business. When a client died, her daughter told our agency that she would cancel the home policy the following week, once her mother’s belongings were removed. Simple, right? Here’s the note that was placed in the client’s file: “Deceased will call next week to cancel moving her things out.”

[Smiley]

Whenever I used to go to a wedding the old people would always nudge me and giggle"you`re next...you`re next" . . . . . . so I started to do the same to them at funerals.

[red]

Whenever I used to go to a wedding the old people would always nudge me and giggle"you`re next...you`re next" . . . . . . so I started to do the same to them at funerals.

Ha ha ha ha I am sorry it is like sarcastic funny to me...we all go there someday but I pray for long long life for all.

[jadegil6]

That was so funny, Smiley. I had to borrow it to post on my facebook page. lol

Our pastor told a joke this morning about a rich cattleman in Texas. He had one child, a daughter, and he decided he wanted to find a manly man who might marry her, so he held a contest. He invited 1000 Texas cowboys to his ranch for a barbeque. When they were all there, he made an announcement that he was going to have a contest. If one of the cowboys could pass the test, then they could have any of the prizes he was offering. The prizes were (1) One thousand acres of land, or (2) 2000 head of cattle, or (3) the hand of his daughter in marriage (she was going to inherit his fortune someday).
He had a large swimming pool which he had filled with alligators. There were so many in the pool that it was hard to count them all. The rancher said the test was that if any if the cowboys was man enough to swim from one end to the other, then that man could have his choice of the prizes. All of a sudden there was a splash, and one of the cowboys was swimming for his life. When he reached the other end, he sprang out of the pool, and he checked all of his stuff to see if anything was missing. The rancher was amazed that the cowboy had done the near impossible, and he asked him if he wanted the thousand acres of land. The cowboy said no. Then the rancher asked if he wanted the 2000 head of cattle. The cowboy said no. Then he asked if he wanted his daughter's hand in marriage. Once again the cowboy said no. The rancher was puzzled, and then asked what he did want. The cowboy said he wanted the name of that jerk who pushed him into the pool.

[jadegil6]

Son: 'Mommy, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'

Mommy: 'Well son, you have done the right thing.'

Son: 'But Mommy, I was sitting on Daddy's lap.'
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Wife: 'Do you want dinner?'

Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife: 'Yes or no.'
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A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you no matter who left you a fortune."
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Husband: 'What are you doing?'

Wife: 'Nothing.'

Husband: 'Nothing . . . ? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Wife: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
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Boy: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'

Girl: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'

Boy: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

[cheryz]

its so funny sir michael