Fiancee or Marriage in the Philippines?

[jane50]

I thought this might be an interesting topic. Many people have varied ideas about which is best; to marry in the Philippines with the blessing of all the families of the young lady, or to come to another country as a fiancee and marry later. What are the pros, and what are the cons? If you were chosing one of these routes, which one would you chose, and why?

My friend, much as I would like to find a partner- for- life and settle in a place away from where I am now ..after that heart-breaking moment/s with my ex-husband but that seems to be very impossible as my status is a separated-in-fact only

[Edwin]

So, Jane, I am guessing, and I might be very wrong, that you are from the Philippines, and you are separated, but not divorced as there is no divorce in the Philippines, neither having an annulment? I guess annulment is a tough proposition in the Philippines, usually requiring a lot of money. It seems like, and tell me if I am wrong, that annulment is really just divorce with a different name. Before learning about annulment in the Philippines I was under the impression that the only way for an annulment is if the marriage has not been consumated. But, I understand that there are lots of reasons for annulment of the marriage in the Philippines other than the fact that the marriage has not been consumated. Two of my siblings have been involved with divorce and remarriage, and one of our daughters has been involved in divorce and remarriage, and had 3 husbands, as well as living with one other person, who was actually a better person than her other 3 husbands. I'm not saying it was right for her to live with the guy, because I don't believe it was, but she didn't ask me, or us, but I will say that he was a better person.

Different people find themselves in different circumstances, so there really isn't one choice that is the best, but each must decide what is best for them. Many want to make the move quickly to be with each other as soon as possible, and the fiance/fiancee K - 1, visa usually works best for them. I like the idea of the CR - 1 or IR - 1, where the couple gets married in the Philippines, then applies for the visa, and a lot of the red tape is taken care of by the time the young lady gets to the USA. If they are married less than 2 years they get the CR - 1 and 2 year green card. If they are married more than 2 years they get the IR - 1 visa, and the 10 year green card. With the fiance/fiancee visa K - 1, there are more hoops to jump through all the way through the process. With the Marriage visas, CR - 1 or IR - 1, by the time the young lady arrives in the USA more of the process is already completed. Many chose the marriage visas because the young lady is already married before leaving the country, but with the finance/finacee visa the gentleman takes the young lady with him unmarried, and to many parents having an unmarried virgin they do not want her to leave with the guy without the sanction of marriage.

It just depends on the circumstances which choice is made.

[red]

I choose Fiancee, if looking forward to live in the US. It will unite the couple easy and fast. I been married for more than 2 years and now enduring the waiting for my visa. Takes forever!

[Edwin]

I think, Red, that most people go for the Fiancee, because as you said it gets the person in the country the fastest. It kind of depends on the person and what they want, and also what the family of the filipina requires. Some may be undecided where they want to live, so they might go for the marriage first, live in the Philippines for a while, then do the visa, and some like with my brother-in-law and his filipina intend to live in the Philippines forever, so they didn't even do any visa. I got a DVD out of the public library, and I thought it was a comedy. No, it was very serious and all about immigration and visas. I watched it since I went to the trouble of bringing it home. I have a quite a few relatives and friends who have gone through that process, so I found it interesting for that reason. Someone on this forum mentioned visajourney, so I got started to reading it mainly to read about people's stories, and I found many of them interesting, some of them sad and even tragic. One thing I have learned is that for all but a small minority, the time involved in the visa process is much longer than anyone wants to endure, and some of the people get really short on patience. It is difficult to be separated from the one you love for any period of time, and then like it is for you, Red, it seems like the process goes on and on and takes forever, huh?

[red]

I checked on USCIS website about my case status and it got approved! And that was after I wrote on this forum yesterday. Thank God! But no sense of being so happy and excited, battle is not yet over.....will see how it goes. I am hoping will be able to go travel this year because my daughters wanted to be with their daddy so bad. And I want to be with my husband too, so bad it hurts. Darn.

[Edwin]

Yes, Red, I guess there are lots of steps. I am not even aware of all of them, just vaguely. You get approved on one step, and then you are on to the next step, huh? That is the hard part of that whole process, I guess, as I have never experienced it, only reading about other people's experiences, is the waiting, and the things you can't do until approval has been gained in those steps.

[red]

Yes there going to be lots of process. We filed the petition last week of July 2011 and took almost 7 months to get approved. Then maybe few more months for processing then go. I am hoping it will be smooth sailing one. Pls help pray.

[Edwin]

Yes, we will pray. This takes a lot of time and money. People have to work hard to make it work and pay attention to details. I think it is kind of scary doing this because things can go wrong along the way. It is nice when everything flows smoothly, and it helps to pray to the Lord for help and guidance. Even after a person does everything they can to take care of things it is pretty easy to forget to do something required, then have to do it again with more care.

[jane50]

So, Jane, I am guessing, and I might be very wrong, that you are from the Philippines, and you are separated, but not divorced as there is no divorce in the Philippines, neither having an annulment? I guess annulment is a tough proposition in the Philippines, usually requiring a lot of money. It seems like, and tell me if I am wrong, that annulment is really just divorce with a different name. Before learning about annulment in the Philippines I was under the impression that the only way for an annulment is if the marriage has not been consumated. But, I understand that there are lots of reasons for annulment of the marriage in the Philippines other than the fact that the marriage has not been consumated. Two of my siblings have been involved with divorce and remarriage, and one of our daughters has been involved in divorce and remarriage, and had 3 husbands, as well as living with one other person, who was actually a better person than her other 3 husbands. I'm not saying it was right for her to live with the guy, because I don't believe it was, but she didn't ask me, or us, but I will say that he was a better person.

Different people find themselves in different circumstances, so there really isn't one choice that is the best, but each must decide what is best for them. Many want to make the move quickly to be with each other as soon as possible, and the fiance/fiancee K - 1, visa usually works best for them. I like the idea of the CR - 1 or IR - 1, where the couple gets married in the Philippines, then applies for the visa, and a lot of the red tape is taken care of by the time the young lady gets to the USA. If they are married less than 2 years they get the CR - 1 and 2 year green card. If they are married more than 2 years they get the IR - 1 visa, and the 10 year green card. With the fiance/fiancee visa K - 1, there are more hoops to jump through all the way through the process. With the Marriage visas, CR - 1 or IR - 1, by the time the young lady arrives in the USA more of the process is already completed. Many chose the marriage visas because the young lady is already married before leaving the country, but with the finance/finacee visa the gentleman takes the young lady with him unmarried, and to many parents having an unmarried virgin they do not want her to leave with the guy without the sanction of marriage

It just depends on the circumstances which choice is made.

So true that I am from the Philippines wherein divorce is not allowed though we have annulment of marriage and I agree with you in saying that annulment is really divorce with a different name .But this annulment is for the moneyed people only. Do you think there will be another chance for me to be happy with a foreigner and live with him outside the Philippines? Oh, I am out of context now hehe

[Edwin]

Divorce is a pretty complicated action. It is more complicated for me because of my belief and standards. From early childhood we were taught that divorce was wrong. Jesus said that Moses granted the writing of divorcement because of the hardness of people' hearts. Any time there is a divorce one of the parties has a hard heart and unfeeling. I don't buy the idea that both people in a divorce are right to have a divorce. One might be right, and the other will be wrong. In our church organization we actually looked down on people who were divorced as a general rule. But some of our relatives were in that situation. My great aunt and great uncle were both divorced and remarried to each other, and they were the most godly people I have ever know. I think they were sorry for their past and God forgave them. They got married to each other each having a previous marriage before they were Christians, then they gave their hearts to the Lord and lived wonderful Christian lives, the rest of their lives. Our church organization took a strong stand against divorce. No one was allowed to hold church office, be a Sunday School teacher, or any other position in the church if they had been divorced. As a credentialed minister I was not allowed, in the early years, this changed later, to perform a wedding ceremony for any couple who had a previous wedding. Though the years I had a lot of people angry with me because the first question I asked them when they wanted me to perform a ceremonly for them, "Have either of you been married before?" If the answer was yes, then I told them, "I am sorry but I can't perform your wedding ceremony." The organization changed their rules after a number of years, and then I could perform for them, and I did. I'm sure there are some credentialed ministers with this organization who still will not perform a ceremony for anyone having a previous marriage. In our organization a minister could still minister after having been divorced, but they were not allowed to remarry ever. There was another Pentecostal organization that allowed divorced and remarried people to minister, and we kind of looked down on them, as if their standards were lower. Well, now that has changed, and if a person was divorced no fault of their own, then they can be remarried and minister. For example if the wife committed adultery, divorce was allowed, and the man was allowed to remarry and still minister. IF the wife would say to her husband, "I am finished with you, good bye," then she would divorce him, he would be allowed to remarry, and continue to be a minister in our organization. Carol said that if any man ever hit her she would be gone, and I don't blame her for that attitude, and I don't think that God would blame her either. No one needs to be hit by someone claiming to love. If someone gets beaten until they might die, they should separate, and get divorced. Often the ones who stay, or the ones who keep returning to an abusive mate end up getting killed, and it happens over and over again. If someone beats you the first time, leave and don't look back.

Jane, I think there is always a chance. Just live according to God's will, seek the Lord, and see what happens.