Filipina/Westerner Cultural Misunderstandings

[Chas]

Hmmmmm. My kids are independent and think for themselves and through that have the drive and determination to make their own way in life having left home and have good jobs. Yet both are still part of a loving caring family relationship where advice is sought and given, all the time knowing the final decision is theirs and will be respected by the rest of us.

Is it that different?

[crisipicada]

The difference is that, here, we consider what people would say. Sometimes, it is important for us the idea and suggestion of family if that guy or woman is suitable for filipino sons and daughters. It is not always the decision of the son or daughter. Need to scrutinize and see if they are meant for each other. However, there are some parents who let their children go on with their decision. However, family suggestions and advice are being considered a lot.

[cheryz]

Hmmmmm. My kids are independent and think for themselves and through that have the drive and determination to make their own way in life having left home and have good jobs. Yet both are still part of a loving caring family relationship where advice is sought and given, all the time knowing the final decision is theirs and will be respected by the rest of us.

Is it that different?

Yes Sir Chas I think so... Very independent but some of Filipino now are adapting that culture teens nowadays are hyper in terms of decisions they decide what they want to do until they suffer and get back to their family in times they have the problems.

[jadegil6]

Most of the examples I have seen in the Philippines are with girls who have gotten pregnant, and had to return to their parents home after being mistreated or rejected by their lover. Then they rely upon their family for support to raise their child. It is wonderful that most Filipino families stick together in times of trouble and hardship.
Here in the US, when people reach their mid teens, they tend to think they are independent. Many teens leave home during or after high school, and fend for themselves. I left home when I was 17, and went back once for a few months, but then left for good. I did listen to my parents, but I did not always follow their advice. Although my parents were poor, they did what they could to help me when I needed help. So I have been independent for the majority of my life.
My daughter is now 24. She is working on her Master's Degree. She married when she was 21, against my advice. Her husband graduated this month with his Master's degree in Theology, and now he is taking a church job in a very small town in the Texas panhandle, close to New Mexico border. I advised them to wait for a better opportunity, buy as usual, my advice fell on deaf ears. They do what they want because they are both strong- willed and bull-headed. Maybe I was the same way when I was young. My daughter says she will finish her degree online since they will not live near any colleges.

[crisipicada]

That is true. There are lots of teenagers who got pregnant even they are not married. Then they have illegitimate sons or daughters. Because of that, they are ashamed of their parents about it. They hide or sometimes they try to abort the baby. The man got irresponsible and leave the woman so with the baby. So they tend to go back to their family. It is good to know that Filipino are close or help each other however the burden and and problem they brought to the family will affect the society. Because it is hard to find a job here in the Philippines, so they go back to parents. That is a sad fact and I have noticed that even in my family.

[jadegil6]

I visited a Home For Unwed Mothers in Davao back in 2010 to gain insight as to how a charity in the Philippines functions, and their day to day challenges. Regrettably, that charity has gone out of business due to lack of funding. One thing I saw when I was there is that one of their main goals was to strengthen the bonds between the girl and her family. Most of the girls felt ashamed and guilt-ridden because of their situation and circumstances. Most of their family members were angry with them. So the charity had a full-time sociologist whose job was to talk to the family about the girl and her pregnancy, and help to get the family to accept the situation, and to allow the girl to return to the family home. The Director told me that in almost every case, the family forgave the girl, and accepted her and her baby back into the family home. Unfortunately, the child's father was usually not involved in his child's life. I have seen evidence of this in so many of the Filipina ladies who I have befriended through my websites. I feel sad for them, but especially for the children who grow up without a father.

[crisipicada]

Even in our place, a lot of unwed mother and sometimes, the mother will look for a job abroad and the child left behind to the grandparents. Yesterday, I was able to talk to our neighbor and had conversation. Sad to say that her sister was impregnated and the child is already 4 years old without a father.