JOKER'S CORNER

[angel]

For a couple of years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I’m tired because I’m overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.

And you’re sitting at your computer reading jokes!

[jadegil6]

A man is recovering from surgery when the nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm O.K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'

***********************

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

**************

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'

[cheryz]

Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

[angel]

What did the bra say to the hat?
You go on ahead. I'll give these two a lift.
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Shall I tell you a secret about butter?
You'd better not. I might spread it.

[angel]

What's out-of-bounds?
An exhausted kangaroo!
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What's a waste of energy?
Telling a hair-raising story to a bald man!
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Why do Americans speak so loudly?
So you can hear them above their clothes.

[angel]

I went up to a girl and asked “Do you swallow?”
She replied shocked “No”.
Me ” Then how the fudge does the food get to your stomach?

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Law of cigarette smoking:
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Smoke always goes
in the direction of non-smokers .

[cheryz]

"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired." = I'm tired.

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?

"I love you." = Let's have sex now.

"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

and FINALLY... (while shopping) "I like that one better." = Just pick ANY dress and let's go home!

[cheryz]

Bank Teller: How do you like the money?
English Student: I like it very much.

"Why do you take baths in milk?"
"I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower." Customer in a restaurant: I would like to have a plate of rice and a piece of fried chicken and a cup of coffee

Waitress : Is it enough Sir?
Customer : What? Do you think I can't buy more?

[angel]

Santa goes to the podiatrist with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor hands him a pill that looks big enough to choke a horse.

"I will be right back with some water," the doctor tells him

The doctor has been gone a while, and Santa is losing his patience. He hobbles outside to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat, and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat.

Santa then hobbles back into the examining room Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water.

"OK, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes."

[angel]

A girl was crying bitterly.

Mom: What happened dear?

Daughter: Mom do I look like a wicked witch?

Mom: No!

Daughter: Are my eyes big as toad?

Mom: No!

Daughter: Is my nose flat?

Mom: No baby!

Daughter: Am I fat like a bulldog?

Mom: You have a fine physique, you are a barbie doll!

Daughter: Then why people tell me that you look like your mom?