JOKER'S CORNER

[cheryz]

People often enjoy joking about love and marriage.

Here is a joke about the first three years of marriage.

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year of marriage, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Here's another joke about marriage.

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Now let's listen to a couple of riddles about marriage.

Here's the first one.

Q: Why are men with pierced ears better suited for marriage?
A: Because they have suffered and bought jewelry.

Here's another riddle.

Q: What are the 3 important rings in life?
A: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

I'll end today's podcast with a humorous proverb-like saying.

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

[cheryz]

There were three restauraunts on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City."

The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the World."

On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said "The Best Restaurant on this Block."

[cheryz]

Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw?

Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard (herd)?

If you don't understand these, use your dictionary and look up the words "blind," "deaf," "saw," "heard" and "herd."

[cheryz]

monk = a religious man who spends much time praying and thinking about religion.
monastery = a place where monks live.
a vow of silence = a promise not to speak

A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk.
The head monk said, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years."
The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"Food cold!" the man replied.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said "What are your two words?"
"Robe dirty!" the man exclaimed.
Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"I quit!" said the man.
"Well," the head monk replied, "I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"

[pinkstone]

3 men died and went up to heaven. The guy at the gate said “The better you were to your wife, the better kind of car you’ll get.”

The first guy was very loyal to his wife and got a Ferrari. The second man fought with his wife so he got a broken down car. The last guy cheated on his wife dozens of times so he got a scooter.

One day the guy on the scooter saw the guy in the Ferrari crying. He asked him, “Why are you crying?”

He answered, “I just saw my wife on roller skates.”

[cheryz]

"Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted."
I've just opened a new restaurant called Karma.
There's no menu, we just give you what you deserve.
I had a dream I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted.
Today I gave my dead batteries away....Free of charge.
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.

[cheryz]

Silence is golden, Duct tape is silver I know some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
I have never seen a fruit PUNCH and a cereal BOX If you think of a better fish pun. Let minnow.
I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin?

[angel]

Career Day It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class. 'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.' The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad. Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he's a coach for the Cooper High School football team.'

[angel]

How hot is it in Abilene? the cows are giving evaporated milk. the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walkin' hot water now comes out of both taps. you actually burn your hand opening the car door. you realize that asphalt has a liquid state. the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground. the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper. farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs. the cows are giving evaporated milk. you start buying stock in Gatorade. the trees are whistling for the dogs. you start putting ice cubes in your water bed. you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water. you can say 113 degrees without fainting. Satan decided to take the day off. you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off. your dream house is any house in Alaska. you can make instant sun tea. you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron. the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly. you've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl. you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.

[angel]

Amazing Race Network TV is reported to be developing a "Texas version" of "Amazing Race," the recent popular reality TV show. Contestants must travel from Amarillo through Fort Worth, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio and back to Amarillo, through San Marcos and Lubbock. Each will be driving a Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads: "I'm for Gore, I'm gay, and I'm here to take your guns." The first contestant to complete the round trip is the winner