JOKER'S CORNER

[angel]

How hot is it in Amarillo? the cows are giving evaporated milk. the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walkin' hot water now comes out of both taps. you actually burn your hand opening the car door. you realize that asphalt has a liquid state. the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground. the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper. farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs. the cows are giving evaporated milk. you start buying stock in Gatorade. the trees are whistling for the dogs. you start putting ice cubes in your water bed. you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water. you can say 113 degrees without fainting. Satan decided to take the day off. you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off. your dream house is any house in Alaska. you can make instant sun tea. you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron. the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly. you've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl. you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.

[angel]

Q. Why do ducks fly over Midland upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: What is the difference between a person from Midland and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile. Q: What's the only thing that grows in Midland?
A: The Crime Rate! Q: What are the only two seasons in Midland?
A: Football and Construction. Q: Why didn't the possum cross the road?
A: Because in Midland he's the other white meat!

[angel]

Career Day It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class. 'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.' The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad. Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he's a coach for the Midland High School football team.'

[angel]

I challenged my friend that if he is able to eat one hundred Gulabjamuns. I were ordered and the friend ate all the hundred, and got a hundred rupee note also. I asked, “Well, it is good, that you have won the bet, but I cannot understand why you asked for an hour’s time. He replied, “I had gone home to do rehearsal whether I can eat that number”

[angel]

The mother of a large family lined up her children.
“Now, the one who obeys me the quickest and does exactly as he’s told without arguing will get a rupee at the end of the week”.
“It ‘s not fair,” said the youngest after some thought.
“Daddy’ I win easily”

[angel]

Was Papa the first man who ever proposed to you, Mama?”

“Yes; but why do you ask?”

“I was just thinking that you might have done better if you had shopped around a little more.”

[angel]

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded. So they each have to answer a question correctly for admission.

The teacher is first, and St. Peter asks, “Name the famous ship that was sunk by an iceberg?”

“Phew, that one’s easy,”

says the teacher, “The Titanic.”

“Alright,” said St.Peter, “you may pass.”

Then the thief got his question: “How many died on the Titanic?”

The thief replied, “That’s a toughy, but fortunately I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500 people.”

And so he passed through. Last, St. Peter gave the lawyer his question: “Name them.”

[angel]

Perfect example of confidence:

A junior in an office dialed his boss's number by mistake & said : Hey, send a coffee in my cabin in two minutes !

boss shouted : do you know whom you're talking to ?!!!!!!

Junior : no!

Boss: i'm the boss of this office.

Junior (in

[cheryz]

Musician Jokes

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Q: What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

Q: What's the latest crime wave in New York City?
A: Drive-by trombone solos.

Q: What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
A: When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

Q: How does a violist's brain cell die?
A: Alone.

Q: What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?
A: You can tune a chainsaw.

Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

Tuba Player: "Did you hear my last recital?"
Friend: "I hope so."

Q: What do you call a hundred conductors at the bottom of the Ocean?
A: A good start.

Q: How do you get a guitarist to play softer?
A: Place a sheet of music in front of him.

Q: What do all great conductors have in common?
A: They're all dead

[cheryz]

A pastor was was saying farewell to his congregation at the Church doors for the last time. He shook the hand of an elderly lady as she walked out.

She said "Your successor won't be as good as you."

"Nonsense", said the pastor, in a flattered tone.

"No, really", said the old lady,

"I've been here under five different ministers, and each new one has been worse than the last."