WHY ARE THERE MANY BROKEN HOMES ? MANY BROKEN MARRIAGES?

[tom]

Love language or Showing love to someone varies among others. For instance, their love language is more on service, being thoughtful or physical language. One of the person introduce to me about love language and i now known that my love language is more on physical touch. This is because i use to hug and kiss my nephews and niece. We express our love how important being attached to each other. Could this means that this is how i portray love language to my future husband? Please help, Tom!!!

ok, crisi, i'll try ...

(oops, sorry... my arms aren't long enough to reach across the ocean... hehehe...)

but, maybe the following words will help...

(most of the following words are copied from the "5lovelanguages" web site.... a lot of words, but maybe it will be helpful to someone)...

"Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive—everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch."

"With more than 30 years of experience as a marriage counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman has heard it all. He has helped couples at every stage of marriage and at pivotal points in their relationships—from those just discovering the joys and trials of marriage to those who are ready to call it quits.

After many years of counseling, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern: everyone he had ever counseled had a “love language,”a PRIMARY WAY OF EXPRESSING AND INTERPRETING LOVE. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own.

Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive—everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Since The 5 Love Languages™ debuted in 1992, over five million copies have been sold, making The 5 Love Languages a perennial New York Times bestseller. But numbers don’t measure the influence the book has had on couples and their marriages.

The 5 Love Languages has helped countless couples identify practical and powerful ways to express love, simply by using the appropriate love language. Many husbands and wives who had spent years struggling through marriages they thought were loveless discovered one or both spouses had long been showing love through messages that weren’t getting through. By recognizing their different love languages, they witnessed the rebirth of the love they thought had been gone for good.

The book has been translated into more than 40 languages and is healing marriages around the world!

The 5 Love Languages™

What if you could say or do just the right thing guaranteed to make that special someone feel loved? The secret is learning the right love language! Millions of couples have learned the simple way to express their feelings and bring joy back into marriage... The 5 Love Languages:

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift could be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be devastating and destructive."

(the website also has 8 pages of interesting testimonials... they can be read by clicking on "love stories"...

here are 2 examples) :

Timothy:

"THIS STUFF REALLY WORKS!!! My wife and I married in 2003. It was great in the beginning. Then the honeymoon phase faded and we did not have the proper tools to love properly. Over the next 7 years we continued to struggle and FIGHT. We did have some good times, however the majority were not so good. Recently I moved out of the house and we are experimenting with a trial seperation. Prior to leaving, my wifes friend told her about Dr. Chapman and the Love Languages. My wife purchased the bok and the mens edition for me. I read it and was SHOCKED. I was able to look back and see exactly what had happened to us. And I NOW HAD THE PROPER TOOLS. I met with my wife shortly after finishing the book and discussed what I had Learned. I had also purchased and read the childrens edition. She and I finally had our eyes opened. We have been slowly filling each others love tanks along with our childrens. I still have not moved back in yet, but know that it is just around the corner."

Medusa:

"I am a Chinese girl actually and I read this book by chance. My love language is Physical Touch while my husband’s is Quality Time. I indulge in the feeling of kissing, hugs and any kinds of touch by his hand, while he totally ignore or refuse to do that. He just like to be with me, just ask me to sit beside and even with nothing to talk with him. Once I feel so upset and even disgusting with this kind of love, but now I realized that’s all because we have different love languages. For a good marriage, I know can’t complain but to adapt it. I must learn how to adapt, bear and understand him and love him as what he is. A happy marriage is not come by your choice but by your tolerance. Anyway, thanks the book, thanks the author, thanks for this website and all the friends who shared their stories here."

(if anyone is interested, you can go to the website (5lovelanguages .com) and answer 30 questions... and it will tell you (for free) which of the "5 love languages" is most important to you... 1.) click on "assessments", 2) click on whichever of "the love languages personal profiles" is most appropriate for you, and answer the 30 questions... my opinion is: your results will be more accurate from the "personal profiles" than the 30-second quiz... but you can do all of the quizzes and see what happens... also, although you will probably agree with BOTH statements, it is important to remember to follow the instructions (copied below) and choose which of the 2 statements you agree with MORE ) :

"The Five Love Languages Profile will give you a thorough analysis of your emotional communication preference. It will single out your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it to connect with your loved one with intimacy and fulfillment.

To Get Started
This profile consists of 30 pairs of statements. Pick the one in each pair that you agree with most strongly (although you may agree with both). Allow 10 to 15 minutes to complete the profile. Take it when you are relaxed, and try not to rush through it."

(i think the answer to your question, crisi, is you will probably want to touch your future husband a lot... and also be held and touched by him... frequently ) ...

[crisipicada]

Thank you for the effort, Tom. Couples must assess themselves about their love language and it will save their relationship. Sometimes we don't understand somebody else because we don't know how to act on the matter and how to show love. Now, this will help them. So, what is your love language, Tom?

[tom]

Thank you for the effort, Tom. Couples must assess themselves about their love language and it will save their relationship. Sometimes we don't understand somebody else because we don't know how to act on the matter and how to show love. Now, this will help them. So, what is your love language, Tom?

walang anuman, crisi...

a few years ago, my result was:

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION - 4

QUALITY TIME - 6

GIFTS - 0

ACTS OF SERVICE - 10

PHYSICAL TOUCH - 10

today, being curious, i did the new "singles profile" and the new ""husbands profile"... these are my results:

"SINGLES PROFILE"

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION - 4

QUALITY TIME- 7

GIFTS - 0

ACTS OF SERVICE - 11

PHYSICAL TOUCH -7

"HUSBANDS PROFILE"

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION - 4

QUALITY TIME - 7

GIFTS - 0

ACTS OF SERVICE - 7

PHYSICAL TOUCH - 12

i interpret the discrepancy in the results as meaning: touching and being touched physically by friends is nice, but it isn't necessary... but, touching and being touched physically by a girlfriend or a wife is absolutely essential for me in expressing thoughts and feelings of love...

[red]

I agree on the last statement of Tom. Physical touch is very essential to me and my husband too. A quick massage on the shoulders or head, kisses whenever possible opportunity, hugs, touch on the face, holding hands are most common that we do as a couple. But mind you, it's easy to catch when something is wrong when a partner rarely do it in a day. It will lead to asking of whats wrong? you dont love me no more? I do believe in physical touch, it can liven up the love between couples.

[frosty]

People who are not Christian can have perfectly normal, lifetime marriages. In fact, a home is only "broken" when blame goes around.

[crisipicada]

People who are not Christian can have perfectly normal, lifetime marriages. In fact, a home is only "broken" when blame goes around.

Actually, if you are not committed then it can happen to have broken homes. Be faithful and pray for protection and happy home. As the song says, "Si Jesus sa Panimalay masadyang balay", (means Jesus Christ is in the home you will have a happy family.), but "Ang yawa sa panimalay sigi ra ug away" means that "Satan in the house always fight each other".

[leolibby18]

I don't agree with anyone in this thread. Divorse is not wrong at all, and It needs to be legal in the Philippines. In fact, legalizing divorse will reduce the number of broken homes because people will be allowed to remarry.

[Edwin]

I think even most of the people who get divorced realize it is wrong, but they get caught in bad situations. Sometimes it is not even their fault. If someone is being abused you can't blame them for not wanting to stay in a relationship. If the other party insists on a divorce the innocent party has no choice. Jesus said that the law allowed a bill of divorce because of the hardness of people's hearts. When a divorce happens someone has a hard heart, and someone will have to pay dearly. This is a very sad occurrence, but it is true. The marriage is a picture of the heavenly and when people tarnish this image God is not pleased.

[crisipicada]

You are right. I am a victim of a broken family and it is hard how to cope up with those difficult times. I know my late father really hate my mother and the same true with my mother. For 14 years they separate, but God is good, they reconciled. I know it has been a tough times for us children but the commitment for each other still remain and did not look for another partner in life.

Maybe the most important thing is that those times are part of life. What happens in the world is nothing compare what happens within us. There might be troubles outside but still we can have peace within us. It is the power of focus. I am guilty that sometimes i can hardly resist troubles and it consume my life.

[Edwin]

You are right Crisy, and I'm glad your parents reconciled. Our daughter and I were discussing this sometime back, and she said that she thought that even if people are not completely happy in their relationship it is important to do what is right and know that there are reward in eternity, and that is a good way of looking at it.

I tend to be more unsympathetic than I should I know in this area because it hasn't happened to Carol and I or my parents. It has happened to two of my siblings, and one sibling stayed with her mate until he died at 76 years old or something like that. From all appearances they had a happy long marriage, and everything was wonderful. They were quite successful in life, owned businesses, and appeared to be fairly well off, drove Cadillacks, and the like, but for many years they did not serve the Lord, and then just a few years before he died they came back to church and serving the Lord for which we were all very happy. One of their daughter-in-laws was instrumental in encouraging them to return to church and the Lord. I am really sad for all the years they did not serve the Lord, but I am thankful they came back.

I know people can hate each other while living together, and that is sad. Often bitterness and resentment develop and grow, and it doesn't get taken care of, so trouble developes. I have to battle resentment and bitterness sometimes because I have a difficult time forgetting and forgiving. My natural tendency is to hold things against people that I feel have done me wrong, and Carol reminds me that if I could get rid of that I would be a much happier person, which is true. I do better at time, and then I do worse at other times, feeling almost hateful, and I hate to admit that, but it is true, and the Lord needs to help more overcome. I remember everything anyone has done to me that is not good, and situations spark those feelings and they come back in a flash. I need to be more like God and forgive and forget!