JOKER'S CORNER

[jadegil6]

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, at the pulpit, he said,
"If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". This seemed to work and things went well, until the priest passed away one day.
About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.
The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."
The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.
Before the Mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and said,
"I don't know what you're laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week."

[cheryz]

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

[jadegil6]

A SPAGHETTI LOVE STORY

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.

[cheryz]

A SPAGHETTI LOVE STORY

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.

hahaha spaghetti

[cheryz]

Locked Car - Frozen Brain
When my husband and I arrived at our local Ford dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the Mechanic, 'It's open.'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in St Albans, Hertfordshire UK.

[jadegil6]

Once there was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They all had to go to
the desert and take one thing.
The brunette took a water bottle, the redhead took an umbrella and the
blonde took a car-door.
They were walking in the desert with their objects and 3 men came up to
them and said to the Brunette,
“why have you got a water bottle?”
The Brunette replied,” To drink water!”
They asked the redhead,
”why do you have an umbrella?”
She said,”Because if it gets hot I can have some shade.”
Then they asked the blonde,
”Why do you have a car-door?”
She replied,” If it gets hot all I have to do is roll down the window!”

[cheryz]

Two vampire bats woke up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One said, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood." "We're new here," said the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us." The first bat replied, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." So, he flew out of the cave.

When he returned, he was covered with blood. The second bat said excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?" The first bat took his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asked, "See that black building over there?" "Yes," the other bat answered. "Well," explained the first bat, "I didn't."

[jadegil6]

I was in Walmart the other day, pushing a cart around, when I collided with a young guy also pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to
where I was going.."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's just a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm
getting a little desperate.

So, I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, green eyes, long legs, big boobs and she's
wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

I said, "Doesn't matter. Let's look for yours."

Most of us old guys are helpful like that.

[jadegil6]

A couple of married retirees live in “The Villages” in Lady Lake FL. They both go to the same “Village Doctor” and were in for their yearly physical. After an examination, the doctor said to his elderly patient: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'

'In fact, I do.' said the old man. "After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly ; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I'm usually hot and sweaty."

When the doctor examined his elderly wife a short time later he said, 'Everything appears to be fine. Are there any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?'

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband mentioned an unusual problem. He claimed that he was usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time ; and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you have any idea about why?'

"Oh, that crazy old man'' she replied. 'That's because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is in August.

[cheryz]

A couple of married retirees live in “The Villages” in Lady Lake FL. They both go to the same “Village Doctor” and were in for their yearly physical. After an examination, the doctor said to his elderly patient: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'

'In fact, I do.' said the old man. "After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly ; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I'm usually hot and sweaty."

When the doctor examined his elderly wife a short time later he said, 'Everything appears to be fine. Are there any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?'

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband mentioned an unusual problem. He claimed that he was usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time ; and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you have any idea about why?'

"Oh, that crazy old man'' she replied. 'That's because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is in August.