JOKER'S CORNER

[jadegil6]

That is funny Smiley. That reminds me of a situation I had with my ex-wife a long time ago when she first came to the US. She spoke Spanish with very little English. We were visiting my mother, when her brother came over. His name is Ken. My ex asked me who he was. I said, "Ken". In Spanish there is a word, "quien", which means "who". Ken and quien are pronounced the same. So when I answered, "Ken", then she would repeat the question, or say who is that man. I would answer, "Ken, and there we went again...around and around. It went on for about 5 minutes, and finally she realized that his name sounded like the Spanish word.

[jadegil6]

1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3.Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.


5.Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

6.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.


7.Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

8.Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

9.Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


10.Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

11.The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12.Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13.Law of Physical Surfaces -
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14.Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

15. Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

16.Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!
17.Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!


18.Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

[jadegil6]

Two friends are fishing near a bridge.
Suddenly a Hearse and a line of funeral cars go over the bridge.
One of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head.
When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down, and carries on fishing.
His friend turns to him and says, "Dave, that's one of the nicest, most respectful things I've ever seen."
Dave replies, " Well, it's the least I could do. We were married for nearly 20 years."

[jadegil6]

A nice, calm, and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the
pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy
some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law!
I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad
things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband
in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had
a prescription."

[Smiley]

I got thinking that the words “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” practically mean the same thing, unless you speak them at a funeral.

[jadegil6]

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[cheryz]

hahaha

[jadegil6]

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

Old age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

Old age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

A man has reached old age when he is cautioned to slow down by his Doctor instead of by the police.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

Old age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

[cheryz]

Right and Wrong

Mrs Cameron, a primary teacher, was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.
"All right children, let's take an example," Mrs Cameron said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?"
Little Tony raises his hand, and with a confident smile says, "You'd be his wife."

[lyrehc]

After the marriage the bride put a box next to her bed and told her husband never to open and check, what’s inside of it. 40 years passed and the husband impatiently opened the box and found there 3 empty bottles of beer and 14000$.
In the evening during the dinner he tells his wife:
- Darling, I have to admit, I opened the box. Would you explain why there are 3 bottles?
- You see, whenever I cheated on you, I emptied a bottle of beer and put it in a box…
The husband gives it a pause and thinks: well, 3 time, that isn’t so much…
- And why do you keep the 14000$ there?
- Well, when the bottles do not fit in the box, I return them and get back the deposit.