WHY ARE THERE MANY BROKEN HOMES ? MANY BROKEN MARRIAGES?

[villa]

Everything was well said. All your opinions are being heard. There are lots of true-to- life testimonies we knew/heard about, not only in this forum but also in the lives of our immediate families, relatives, friends and other people's lives. Because of these we differ in our understanding, opinions and even in offering solutions to this problem.

I consider the lives of the couples who have been there, who experienced the pain and frustrations of marital break up, as well as the children who suffered the effects and consequences of their parent's separation as a guide to a better relationship. In my opinion they are the most reliable source of any positive or negative reactions. And I think it is now our turn to diagnose our selves what kind of married life we aspire to have.

For the singles.... never been married... single parent .... think many times before you decide to enter into an intimate relationship. Be reponsible enough that your way of knowing your partners does not hurt and ruin you both in the end. For the men out there who prefer Pre Marital Sex, kindly look at your mothers, your sisters, nieces an even girl friends... think about them being used as experimental objects because a guy wants to know if the woman is perfectly compatible with him in bed. And to many women out there who were being used by men's wits and caprices, be intelligent to differentiate a real love from physical attraction. There is a lot to learn if you read back all the comments on this TOPIC, like Stanley, Chaychay, Red, Crisipicada and the rest who have contributed their opinions and wisdom not to mention Edwin's sharing, as he and Carol are victims of Carol's parents broken home. We may differ in culture and beliefs but I think we feel the same intensity of hurts and frustrations that may shatter our beings that could greatly affect our lives in the future. There are many ways where both of you can explore and talk intelligently about how you want your partners to act in bed. Talk seriously, be open like responsible adults, and in this way, you will not offend and hurt your prospective partners if you are not compatible and go separates, because there is no physical involvement, you did not indulge physical sex which may cause the other party to become a single parent.

For the widows/ers, divorced, separated..... our past could be a guide on how we will conduct our next relationship. We have now a much clearer view of what kind of married life we want to experience for the second, third.... time. We now have a better choice based on our past relationships, because as an adult who underwent different kinds of experiences, our appraoch is more realistic, wholistic, touching the whole area of an intimate relationship of what kind of person may fit our wants and needs.

TOM's 5LoveLanguages seems effective for me. If I were to choose, I want to marry a person who has 5 love languages, because this is also the kind of personality I have. If ever I decide to marry a person who lacks 2 or 3 of these love languages, one thing for sure, I am concious and aware of it and won't expect my mate to express such love language to me. My mate should also know what I need and want from him. He may have the idea but only not expressive.

For the married couples who are still struggling to let their marriage survive, don't lose hope. Explore and understand each other's needs and wants often.... good communication is very crucial, be honest with each other. Adjust, use the give and take process. Sad to say, but it is true, many who have celebrated their Golden Wedding Anninversaries don't know who their partners are. Take it from the experts.... read books related to this topic, ask and share your marital problems to people who has the wisdom, who can give you the right advice and good counsel. As for me, my best teacher is .........

THE WORD OF GOD.
I COR. 13:4,5,6,7,8,13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud,
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is LOVE.

THIS IS THE KIND OF LOVE THAT BOTH PARTNERS MUST POSSESS BEFORE ENTERING INTO MARRIAGE.
AND THE SAME KIND OF LOVE THAT MUST HOLD HUSBAND AND WIFE TOGETHER TILL DEATH PARTS THEM.

VILLA

[purex]

THE WORD OF GOD.
I COR. 13:4,5,6,7,8,13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud,
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.
But the greatest of these is LOVE.

THIS IS THE KIND OF LOVE THAT BOTH PARTNERS MUST POSSESS BEFORE ENTERING INTO MARRIAGE.
AND THE SAME KIND OF LOVE THAT MUST HOLD HUSBAND AND WIFE TOGETHER TILL DEATH PARTS THEM.

VILLA

Thank you for reminding me, Ma'am Villa. Actually i really love my boyfriend and sometimes i am just so hard headed

[edeline]

When i was 18 years old my late father was so strict about me. I didn't know that he visited me at the university and check me out if i was at school and where i spent my vacant classes. He was so protected about me since i am the youngest daughter and the one who live with him with my two younger brothers when my parents got separated when i was 2nd year high school. At that time, i realize how much father gave importance on me about my education. He said, "i don't have anything for all of you to give even a piece of land, i have nothing but all i can give you is education that others can never steal from you". I was in my fourth year college at that time. He keep on telling me that, i am already a woman and i must be very careful because at that age is the very crucial one.

Marriages got broken because both men and women are carried away by their feelings. Remember that the Bible is clear that it says, " The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it?" Because both couple are not yet ready for a marriage life, then it is a great possibility that marriage life be broken. Not ready emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually and financially. Have you heard the saying "Bisag saging basta loving" (It means that despite difficulty and sometimes only banana is available for food as much as love is there)? The best to do is to include God in every relationship and He will give you the best .

I have heard that saying "bahalag saging basta loving." It is okay maybe for how many months but I am sure the relationship will not sustain if it will only depend on that.

Sometimes we have set standards and we try to think what are the things we need to avoid but there are really cases we lose control. Let us say, expect the unexpected.

My parents were separated when I was so young. My mother was in a relationship because of the lack of guidance and that made her decide to find her own way of happiness as she thought but wasn't. The perception to become happier when you will have someone with you to love and have someone to settle is not at all times working. It will depend really.

Anyway, let us just enjoy life and live life to the fullest.

Be happy you have a very protective father. That helps you a lot. You are so lucky to have a very responsible father.

[Edwin]

Yes, Edeline, some do try to find their own way of happiness. My wife, Carol's mother left her Carol's Dad, her, and her brother when Carol was about one and one half years old. It seemed like she was always searching, and I don't think she ever found what she was searching for because she was married a number of times, and ended up dying when she was 39 years old because of drinking and not taking care of her self.

Broken homes affect all of us. My parents were Christians and lived their lives to please the Lord, and they stayed together until my Dad died at 65 years old of heart problems. The same doctor who operated on the Russian leader Boris Yeltzen operated on my Dad, but it was not successful and he died. Two of my siblings have had divorces and remarriages, and it affects all of us. At one time I felt judgmental about it and felt comdemning towards them, but I didn't live with them, so I don't know, and God knows, so I just need to try to do what is right myself and let them do what they think is right. Broken homes are hard on everyone though, and everyone suffers. God will judge them, and God will judge me, so I just have to try to keep my heart right before God. My Dad said one time that he was certainly glad that God was his judge and not some people who thought he deserved judgement, which all of us deserve, but Jesus has taken our place on Calvary's cross, and now we are free in Him. We now have the forgivenss of sins and eternal life. There is now no condemnation to us who walk in the spirit, and not in the flesh. Condemnation is not what God wants for us, and He has made the way.

[crisipicada]

we have seen a lot of broken home and broken relationship. we have seen fathers go away and the children are left behind to their mother and vice versa.

it is always misunderstanding that happens to the family why they get separated. sometimes because of pride, too. others because they fall out inlove with their partners.

whatever the reason, one thing is important, the commitment that you had when you make a vow you said to your partner, 'till death do us part'

[Edwin]

I agree, Crisi! My Mom and Dad stayed together all there lives, but some of their brothers and sisters stayed with their marriages and some didn't, and I don't understand why some didn't. I know the history and the excuses, but I don't know the reasons.

I know in my younger sister's case, her husband was unreasonable, and kind of crazy, but Carol and I were kind of mad at my sister for kicking him out, even though he didn't treat me very well either. She almost remarried him after being away 20 some years, but thought better of it. He is still kind of crazy, but we like him, and he is Roger, and that is what you have to say, Roger will be Roger, and you either like him or you don't, and he's not a bad guy, but he gets under some people's skin. We have forgotten our differences, and we still like him, and my sister is not hostile towards him any more either. She tried 2 other marriages also, one to a gay guy, and one to mental asylem case, and she is lucky to be alive as he broke things in a rage, got her in the bath tub and threatened her, used a butcher knife to slice up things in the house while threatening her!

My older sister and her husband stayed together all their lives, and as far as I could see they loved each other, and were very good to each other, and close and protective as couples should be.

My older brother's first wife tried to spend all of the money that he didn't have yet. She was on the road constantly spending his money, and not taking care of him or his kids, so he bailed out on her, and I was sorry to see it because I liked her. After 25 years and five kids it all ended. Now he has been married to this woman longer than he was to his first wife. The woman that he is married to now is a trouble maker with her sister, but she and my brother seem to be holding it all together, and I guess she is not trying to spend all of his money, so he is keeping her, and we still like his first wife. Divorce breaks families apart and causes lots of problems, but I am not going to judge because I don't live in their situations.

Maybe Carol has wanted to leave me a few times, but I'm glad she didn't. I am a tough person to live with in a lot of ways. Maybe Carol is the only one who would put up with me.

[crisipicada]

I have seen lots of marriages who are broken and others are happy marriage. Both well-off family and living in penury are still getting broken and others are successful.

My uncle, younger brother of my mother has a very bad experience with his wife. His wife is a Ilocano, and it has been noted that Ilocanos are thrifty and save a lot of money and do not spend for not need. My uncle is living with us since my mother return at home in the bario. Lately, he went back to their place because his wife is always sending MSM to go home. My uncle is working in the farm of mama (1/2 hectare farm land) and also help maintaining the cleanliness of the surroundings. Sad to say that my auntie is very demanding to my uncle and spend a lot of money and she is already attached or addicted to gambling like swertres. If she lose the game, she gets angry. I notice that when my auntie and uncle and family stay at home for some time. I feel so sad about their family.

My other auntie, the youngest sister of mama is living 250 meters more or less aways from house. They are living with contentment. My cousins, their sons are helping raising their siblings. They are maintainer of rice farm of the bario and they are so much happy after the day to day work. I can see that they are contended and live within their means.

For me, it takes two efforts of both the couple how to work out the family. The best thing to do that both partners must be honest from the very start and be open about life. Being contented is one thing good quality of a happy family couple with prayers, there is no impossible things or difficulties to surpass for the family to stay together. Always think and act positively.

[Edwin]

Yes, Crisi, the Bible says, Godliness with contentment is great gain, and it is. It is better to not have much, have to work hard and have happiness than to have a lot and not be happy.

It is mostly up to people to decide to be happy. Of course they really need to know the Lord to truly be happy. Then the Lord helps them and gives them peace in their family.

Sometimes people can't be content unless they have something they can't afford, and then trouble is waiting. It would be nice to have what we see other people have, but it is nice to be able to enjoy what we have, and to be kind to each other. Some people are too hard on other people and make them almost miserable, and that is sad. If people will love each other and work things out that is the best. They say the best things in life are free, and I heard someone say one time that a rich person can only put one sock and one shoe on at a time, basically meaning they have to live a lot like the rest of us even though they have lots of money. Yes it would be nice to have more, if we could, but having contentment is valuable.

[crisipicada]

Why? Because that is the work of the devil, to seek and destroy.. destroy the family and the life of man.

[Edwin]

Why? Because that is the work of the devil, to seek and destroy.. destroy the family and the life of man.

You are completely correct on this, Crisi!