Negative Tendencies in Dating

[crisipicada]

Crisi, have you fall in love? when I buy a car, I need to make it sure it is really in good condition and really try it. In dating, how will you know that the woman is good in bed she might be lousy ? Did you get my point crisi? How can you marry someone if that is what you believe? No doubt you are still single.

Yes, I fall in love many times. I hate the word "fall in love" because it also means "falling out in love".

I am reserve type of person and I do not want to go into trouble and telling straight the person that I love him. I always consider to take care someone's heart as I take care of my heart.

Did you know that the most deceiver in the world is our heart? The Bible clearly states that "The Heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it?

May I ask, how many girlfriends did you had? And how many of them you get out into? Okay, I am single never been married and I never into sex, okay and I am proud of it.

Well, what if he or she is lousy in bed? Well, I have nothing to compare when I become married. How can I tell? The problem today is that people reduced sex to some sort of sport. They need manuals and color-coded charts instead of being an expression of the intimacy and commitment of a husband and wife, for them it is all about performing. You know why there is a lot of dysfunction in sexual life today? Because they are terrified that they wont perform great in bed when they get married like in the hollywood. If i am a man and my wife is lousy in bed, that wont be the reason i marry her. Did you ask yourself, what if you marry someone because they are great in bed then one day they are not? Of course that is cheating. And it is right, that is what people are doing today. I do believe that it is not just the nice thing to do to not into sex before marriage but it is because it is the will of God and God wants me to do so.

Hope it answers your question

It is no fun being hurt! When someone is emotionally damaged, it all affects the human being. The physical aspect is one of the result to that. How many friends you have known got sick or committed suicidal due to emotionally afflicted or distress? Those who have experience this I do believe you can relate. It is hard sometimes to move on and forget the past. But, we must to, because we cannot live the past but live for the future. When the past is not good at all, I do believe there is greater bright in the future.

[Edwin]

Yes, Crisi, it is not fun to be hurt! Some do end up in suicide, which is very sad! Some do get sick as a result of being hurt and the negative emotions that result. I think it would be very hard to move on and forget the past, but you are right that we must live in the future. There is always hope for a bright future.

[mystic]

I don't know if hurting is something that happens naturally and cannot be avoided in the process, or is something that people do purposefully.

Maybe, when you attach to somebody, you just become subject to being hurt. Love makes strong, but also makes weak and vulnerable.

I noticed three main patterns of people, and each pattern has its pros and cons.

1. The person who always lived in a protected environment, almost knew no suffering, is very balanced emotionally and in life. Generally speaking, this person is "not complicate" (descomplicada in Spanish), have a good relation with his/her parents, has lot of friends, is very outgoing, and is maybe the best partner in life. However, this kind of person tends to be light minded and conduct a simple life, aimed at fulfilling their daily urges and their self. Yes, they believe a lot in themselves!

2. The person who suffered, but learned the lesson and went from a negative thinking to a positive one. This implies a transformation, which can be as deep as one's soul is. It might take a fraction of a second or years. The most suffered it is, the greatest the stable transformation of one's life will be. This kind of person can have any shade, but probably it's the most mature person. He/she might have his/her very precise ideas how the world works and have built his/her own personal balance. Watch out not to touch his/her balance...

3. The person that knew suffering and cannot survive. Suffering is very unbearable and the person is consumed and cannot take it. The person usually becomes very complicate, full of shields, fears, etc., which prevent him/her to conduct a normal life. This is the category of the high moralists and existentialists. Here are those with an existential depression. They are potentially good people, but they are unable to escape their fate. Even if they are good for some time, their fate eats them up, and so the people around them, who become stricken by their same auto-inflicted negativity.

Anyway you see it, there is not much to stay happy. You cannot find the mature person that didn't go through suffering and didn't build his/her own strict views (which means possible conflict with you). You cannot find the "not complicated" person that will be at your side in the time of need either (they really never understand it, and try to avoid it and escape quickly). And you are only looking to damage yourself if you find somebody who knew a depression, because they will never be able to get rid of it. It will always come back, and you will be their sacrificial animal.

I think that a different philosophy is needed. The godly way might be an answer. Keeping one's heart as that of a little child ensures integrity. Shaking off the dust that tries to accumulate on us with time allows us to keep always simple and pure.

In a sentence, we have a subject, a verb, a complement object, and many other possible complements. If we reduce the complements or even delete them... we are just left with the essence of the verb.

Example: I love you because so-and-so, if so-and-so, etc.
If it becomes just "I love"... it is the essence of love. Love for the sake of love itself, unconditioned love. It can be directed anywhere, always, in any condition.

[Edwin]

I think when you have relationships of any kind you risk being hurt. It doesn't matter if it is boyfriend/girlfriend, or husband/wife, or even if it is family members. We have been in a hurtful situation because we have a daughter who hates her youngest sister and we get caught in the middle. You can chose your friends, but you can't chose your family. I am the victim of hurts that are hurled at me, but that daughter will not have anything to do with me, and we live just 600 feet apart, their house from our house. She is not displaying the hate that she did for a while, but it hurts to have your own daughter not want to have anything to do with you because you helped her sister that she hates. I have given it to the Lord, and I am trusting Him to take care of the situation, and that daughter will have to answer to God as all of us will.

[crisipicada]

I really love to be with friends, classmates and really have fun talking to each other. That has been my life during college days. Because being into Math Degree Course, we use to be together and brainstorming how to solve math problems. Later on I realize that computation is not really what Math is all about. It is more on interpreting data, and more on analysis of data. To develop friendship, is to understand someone and be at yourself. You cannot fake your feelings or character. You can show the real who you are. That means, it is about knowing each other without any hidden agenda. That means, you can accept him or her whatever who he or she is. At this point of stage in friendship, you are able to show the real who you are. You can be angry, you can be happy, you can show them sadness, you can be who you are.

While developing friendship, you are able to adjust and know the person well. While in friendship, even you have misunderstanding to each other, you have respect to one another because you have understanding. For instance, someone tell you or confide you that he or she is angry of your attitude, then later on, you can talk each other, why and how it come to the point you have anger or sad. You will really understand each other and still be together in friendship.

While in dating relationship, I have noticed and experience that someone would say " well, our relationship is not going to the right one, I notice that we always have misunderstanding, I noticed that our relationship is not good, so we are not compatible to each other". While in friendship, you cannot say to someone that, "ohhhh because our friendship is not good so we will not be friends anymore."

When a relationship will know each other in friendship and mature and develop into relationship, then you become husband and wife, you will really have a good foundation. And then you will understand each other why. I love to hear my youngest brod to his wife - to - be, he said, "Honey, I understand that you have something at heart that you want to tell me, why you are acting that way or not in the mood, I am here to listen why" you can confide to me. " That is very good understanding to each other.

That is not what other relationship have missed a lot. Being into the stage of friendship.

How i really wish to marry someone who become my best friend.

[Edwin]

Yes, I have heard many years ago that your husband/wife should be your best friend! We are to love our husband/wife as our own body, and love that person as Christ loved His church, and gave Himself for His church. The Bible says that no man ever hated his own flesh, and so we are love the other as we love ourselves! Those are the Christian principles of love and marriage. You are very right that we should be able to be ourselves with our special person, be angry, be sad, be happy, be whatever, and still be accepted and loved!

[crisipicada]

Some relationship that is not yet ready for commitment always end up hurt or heart broken. Relationship not founded in friendship is not really strong. Of course, we have different love story as far as snow flakes are really different from each other, but still believe that friendship is necessary.

That is why, it is important to pray more and for guidance all the time. He knows more, than we. And in the right time He will reveal to us who really meant for us. Just wait and in waiting, it is full of blessing.

[Edwin]

Crisi, we have lots of snow crystals; several feet accumulation of them each year. Here we can have anywhere from 2 to 6 feet depending on the year. Where we lived for 10 years we had anywhere from 8 to 25 feet of accumulated snow fall, and a little village higher up just a few miles from their at times gets 42 feet of accumulated snow fall. They board up all the windows on the lower stories of the buildings to keep the weight of the snow from breaking them out. I have also heard that there are not two snow crystals that are exactly alike. That is also like in the history of the world there is not another single person ever who is exactly like you are!

We are all different with different needs, but we all need friendship! Yes, God does know exactly what we need!

[m&m]

Those are all good observations. However if we are too afraid to scrape our knees we will never learn to ride a bike.If we dwell too much on how cold the water might be we will never enjoy swimming.
It is important to be aware of the pitfalls that are out there but we also have to be aware of the rewards as well.I`m not talking about a big blind gamble,but rather a series of small calculated risks.One step at a time.Replace the fear with a little well placed caution.Always keep both eyes open and learn to listen to the back of your neck.You are going to be just fine

btw: I often find your posts very refreshing,you sometimes make me stop and think. Thank you

I am glad, Smiley that you find the post of crisi interesting. There are truths to observation in dating. There are things in life that we should not try inorder to learn. I believe that we must follow scripture also.

[angel]

Some relationship that is not yet ready for commitment always end up hurt or heart broken. Relationship not founded in friendship is not really strong. Of course, we have different love story as far as snow flakes are really different from each other, but still believe that friendship is necessary.

That is why, it is important to pray more and for guidance all the time. He knows more, than we. And in the right time He will reveal to us who really meant for us. Just wait and in waiting, it is full of blessing.

it really hurt when you are in heart broken situation its not easy to fall inlove but the healing of a heart broken its like being miserable its a long process to heal and back to normal life. everything is affected.