JOKER'S CORNER

[Smiley]

At an auction a wealthy man announced that he had lost his wallet containing $25,000 and offered a reward of $1,000 to whoever would find it for him.
From the back of the hall came a voice"I'll bid $1500!

[cheryz]

Pizza Perils
A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino’s Pizza
Customer: Yoooo I ordered a Pizza and Came with no Toppings on it or anything, Its Just Bread
Domino’s: We’re sorry to hear about this!
Customer (minutes later) Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down

[Smiley]

Ethel checked into a Motel on her 65th Birthday, she was
lonely,a little depressed at her advancing age so decided to risk an
adventure. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised
in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy
calling himself Tender Tony a very handsome man with assorted physical
skills flexing in the photo.

He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy
hair,long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt
quite certain she could bounce a dime off his well-oiled buns ...
She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.

"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?
Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid she would lose her nerve if she
hesitated, so she rushed right in, "I hear you give a great massage.
I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, should
be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is
sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys,
everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go at it all night
- tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything
and everything, I'm ready! Now how does that sound?"

He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for
an outside line."

[Smiley]

A couple were getting very distressed about the number of uninvited guests that were showing up at their party.

The husband had a plan. He called for attention and asked everybody on the grooms side to please stand up.

About a quarter of the guests stood,He then said "Every body standing please leave,this is a birthday party".

[angel]

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

[angel]

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an asshole!

[jadegil6]

I was in the public toilets and had just sat down, when a voice from the next cubicle said “Hi!, how are you?”
Embarrassed, I said, “I’m doing fine”.
The voice said “So, what are you up to?”.
I said, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here!”.
From next door, “Can I come over?”.
Annoyed, I said, “rather busy right now”.
The voice said, “Listen, i will have to call you back, there’s an idiot next door answering all my questions”...

[jadegil6]

Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they came upon a huge hole in the ground.

They approach it and are amazed at the size of it.

The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?"

The second hunter says," I don't know. Let's throw something down there, listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

The first hunter says, "Hey, there's an old automobile transmission over there. Give me a hand, we'll throw it in and see."

So they pick it up and carry it over and count one, two, three, and heave it in the hole. They are standing there listening, looking over the edge, when they hear a rustling behind them. As they turn around, they see a goat come crashing through the underbrush, run up to the hole and, without hesitation, jump in head first.

While they are standing there staring at each other in amazement, peering into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.

"Say there," says the farmer, "You fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"

The first hunter says, "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doing about a hundred miles an hour and jumped . . . head first into this here hole!!"

The old farmer said, "Naw, that's impossible ...

I had him chained to a transmission."

[cheryz]

[jadegil6]

Johnny: “Mama, I’ve got a stomach ache!”
Mother: “That’s because it’s empty. You’d feel better if you had something in it.”
As little Johnny is finishing his bowl of soup, the minister walks in. During the conversation he mentions that his head had been hurting all day.
Johnny gave this advice: “That’s because it’s empty. You’d feel better if you had something in it.”