Filipina Culture

[Andrewm]

Thank you, Manilaman. What you write makes perfect sense. It is the same in Africa and the Middle East. The woman may down deep be unhappy in her relationship with her husband but she dare not depart him for then her fate worsens due to: poor economic conditions, no work opportunity, less education, societal biases that make her of lesser worth when single (and older).

I think, Manilaman, that you have assserted in other posts a claim here (one that surely has merit) that the large number of Filipina women seeking men/male mates from overseas specifically in Britain, Europe, Canada, and the USA is because they don't encounter enough steady, reliable Filipino men who would provide that stability, security, financial foundation, safety.

I have seen 3d World conditions. Not a lot. But enough to know of what you speak.

What you write is a very clear indightment of cradle-to-grave socialism. If the state takes care of all needs (or claims to and does a somewhat okay job of fulfiling this), it does often destroy the need for a family. Simply put: The social welfare state kills off the family. What one sees: Women can reasonably contentedly get along all their single lives or even as single mothers raising kids. This is what one sees all across Europe. Men who are 44 and never married. Women the same and no longer (outwardly) interested. And in big cities like Toronto and Vancouver.

I think I'd choose the life cirumstances/situation closer to poverty resulting in the the greater need for family -- if I had to choose.

The other day a read a post (completely different kind of website/forum but topic related) written by a man who said, "Women, listen up! If you want to keep your marriage together, if you want your man to know you need him, if you don't want to lose your marriage, treat your husband like you would treat Elvis!"

It is a shame that Manilaman you could not have joined this web conversation. I don't want to put words into your mouth, but I think that you would assert that the male (husband) wants to be needed. He wants the positive feedback of appreciation/adulation from his wife when he's working diligently to provide for that security, safety, stability, and those resources. If he regularly gets that genuine praise from his wife, he's not apt to leave her.

Is that how you'd word it? And is that your overall thinking as you consider finding a Filipina woman to be your wife?

Are you thinking: "Yes, a Filipna. No, there are no guarantees in this life, but a good Filipina is much more likely to be sincerely appreciative of what I'll do on behalf of our home & lives." (compared to a Western woman)

[Manilaman]

Andrewm Said: It is a shame that Manilaman you could not have joined this web conversation. I don't want to put words into your mouth, but I think that you would assert that the male (husband) wants to be needed. He wants the positive feedback of appreciation/adulation from his wife when he's working diligently to provide for that security, safety, stability, and those resources. If he regularly gets that genuine praise from his wife, he's not apt to leave her.

Is that how you'd word it? And is that your overall thinking as you consider finding a Filipina woman to be your wife?

Are you thinking: "Yes, a Filipna. No, there are no guarantees in this life, but a good Filipina is much more likely to be sincerely appreciative of what I'll do on behalf of our home & lives." (compared to a Western woman)

Manilaman Says: Generally correct. It is sad to see so many profiles her on JadeRune that really are just a Filipina saying: I want to have a baby or I have a child and I want a man who will always provide for me so I can live the life I want and will never leave me no matter what. I see 2 types of Filipinas who are "taken" on this site: (1) very attractive (2) the very few who actually comment in their profile how they are wanting a husband who they will always strive to please, will aways care for him, will support his needs, are willing to work or do anything for the man who will be good to them.

As for myself... I think at some point I will spend some time in the Philippines, trying different locations and different Filipino communities. If I stayed in the Philippines and married I would likely choose a remote smaller island, live a low-key life with lots of swimming, fishing, outdoor stuff, buy fresh fish right from the boat, fresh fruit and vegetables at the local market and have an "upscale" nipa type house with a couple of solar panels for light and refrigeration and stay away from the larger cites with expat communities who seem to try and live a western life in the Philippines.

My Filipina would be more of an island girl--smart, but formal education not necessary, hardworking, emotionally stable, spiritual not religious, natural woman, keeps herself slim and active. I would of course have more money than anyone around that island, but i would not flaunt it and would not try to buy friends. I would treat my Filipina right but she would not become a princess on my dollar (but if I had the right Filipina she would not want to be a princess). I have no interest in a Filipina that wants a western lifestyle--I don't need a baby factory who wants to watch TV and add to my financial burdens. I can cook my own meals, do my own laundry, clean my own house.

So I would look for a quality, natural, real Filipina not one who dreamed of an air conditioned house in town or the suburbs. Western guys who move to Philippines marry a young Filipina, then hire a helper so the young Filipina can have a baby and live like a princess are total losers. Disgusting situation. Not that I have any strong opinions on the subject. Ha! Ha!

[garyjo]

This is very similar to the family culture that I was brought up in here in the U.S. In my family it was a very bad practice to enter into a ladies house unless her parents were at home. Even if the parents were at home a young man should never enter the young ladies room at all. If you were to come to the house to take her for a date, you must first come in and speak to the father and listen to him as long as he wanted to talk to you. He may want to change your plans for the evening and take you all out himself. That is a sign of respect to let him do that until you were married. If you were to come to the house and the parents are not home, you may speak to her on the front porch as long as you were in plain view of the street. Coming home late was not a smart move if you wanted to stay in touch with the family. In our church community it was not uncommon to hear of a couple being asked to put the relationship "on the Alter" for a season to prove if it was God's will or not. A season of 3-6 months was usually asked and the couple would seek council and pray during that time. If it was God's will the relationship would endure and they would only grow stronger through it.

[crisipicada]

This is very similar to the family culture that I was brought up in here in the U.S. In my family it was a very bad practice to enter into a ladies house unless her parents were at home. Even if the parents were at home a young man should never enter the young ladies room at all. If you were to come to the house to take her for a date, you must first come in and speak to the father and listen to him as long as he wanted to talk to you. He may want to change your plans for the evening and take you all out himself. That is a sign of respect to let him do that until you were married. If you were to come to the house and the parents are not home, you may speak to her on the front porch as long as you were in plain view of the street. Coming home late was not a smart move if you wanted to stay in touch with the family. In our church community it was not uncommon to hear of a couple being asked to put the relationship "on the Alter" for a season to prove if it was God's will or not. A season of 3-6 months was usually asked and the couple would seek council and pray during that time. If it was God's will the relationship would endure and they would only grow stronger through it.

That is true, filipino parents are protected. They do not want their children specially girls because they know what is the society now adays. Lots of temptations, bad influence around them, and being influence by what is fads and fades and become materialistic.

So, I am glad I have a very supported father and mother. They are very much protected and desire what is best for me.

[Edwin]

Yes, when I was a ministerial student many years ago, part of my training was not only avoiding moral problems, but avoiding situations that could possibly lead to moral problems. There was a strictness about being with the opposite sex, when, where, with whom, and all of that. Part of the training was to life above reproach, so that no gossip would be apt to get started. This is like not being in a house with a lady, when no one else was home. Also giving a lady a ride in a car without other people being in the company. Also you ask a young lady before you help her off with her coat. In our church it was quite common to pray for people, laying hands on them. In that regard it was important not to touch the lady below her shoulders, and better only to touch her head while praying for her. In our society of moral depravity, most people don't even think of such rules as being important. Some of the rules we were taught and we lived by maybe were too strict, but I think things have become too lax in our society. Filipino culture is great where people protect their family members, and do not allow them to become damaged through careless actions. The protection is good, so that the family members can remain safe, and continue to be valuable.

[Edwin]

GaryJo, I am well familiar with part of what you posted about in relation to not coming into a young lady's house if her parents were not home. Also the part about not going into the young lady's room anytime was also familiar. Being repectful listening to the father and not coming home late are both familiar as well. But I have not heard of placing the relationship on the alter for 3 to 6 months while seeking council to see if it is the will of God. I am not saying it is a bad idea, but I have not heard of that being done, as it was not something that was practiced where I have been from. As I said in the other post in our society people gotten much to lax in this area. People have gotten far to careless in the way they live, and with their standards.

[crisipicada]

GaryJo, I am well familiar with part of what you posted about in relation to not coming into a young lady's house if her parents were not home. Also the part about not going into the young lady's room anytime was also familiar. Being repectful listening to the father and not coming home late are both familiar as well. But I have not heard of placing the relationship on the alter for 3 to 6 months while seeking council to see if it is the will of God. I am not saying it is a bad idea, but I have not heard of that being done, as it was not something that was practiced where I have been from. As I said in the other post in our society people gotten much to lax in this area. People have gotten far to careless in the way they live, and with their standards.

That is good to hear that there are some westerner that are observing such culture as ours. Having such high standard is important. The best standard is what the word of God says about dating or courting. It is the safest thing to be followed what in it. It will save a lot of trouble

[Edwin]

You are right Crisi, in that living like God wants us to live and having high standards pays off, because living according to God's plan helps us avoid lots of problems. In this country, USA, my Dad told me that when he was a young guy people lived with higher standards than they do lately. I think there were a lot of things that affected that. Since the late 1800s/early 1900s there has been a lowering of standards which had to do with everything from music to alcohol and drugs. Then came the beatnicks, then came the hippies, then came the 1970s on, and a lot of loose living with situational ethics, and so on. All we have to do is look around and we can see the effects of living with lower standards. God's way are always best!

[erwin]

As far as culture is concerned, USA has a sense of liberated in terms of culture. While in the Philippines, it is uncommon for the family members to set apart even until they marry.

[Edwin]

Yes, erwin, and even after they marry there is still a stronger bond in the culture of the Philippines than in the USA. The families hang together a lot from the Philippines. They are doing more things together and eating together as well as visiting each other more. In the Philippines the families take care of their elderly parents, while many times in the USA those parents are put in homes, and often times even forgotten. We have medical insurance of various kinds here in the USA, but in the Philippines the families chip in and help with medical needs and emergencies. We are more apt to be alone here in the USA, but in the Philippines we would be in good company with our families and relatives.