Hints for a Healthy Marriage
Posted: Wed Apr 21, 2010 3:06 amHello everyone, i am inviting you share your ideas how to have a healthy marriage? Thanks you for your ideas.
Victor M. Parachin
1. Apologize frequently.
Satisfying, long-term marriages usually contain the vital trait of knowing when one is wrong and promptly apologizing for the offensive action. Don't hesitate to express an apology if your words, attitude, or behavior were wrong .
Actor Chartlon Heston hasn't only had one of the longest careers in Hollywood, he's also had one of its longest marriage - 63 years with photographer, Lydia. When asked by People Magazine for the "secret" of his successful marriage, Heston said: "You've got to pick the right girl in the first place. And much more important, as a husband to have to remember that crucial importance of three little words: "I was wrong." That will take you a lot further than "I love you."
2. Take up residence someone else's point of view.
That means learning to listen. Provide the opportunity and the freedom for your partner to express his/her opinion without interruption, interference, or interpretation. Learn to really listen to your spouse when he or she is through speaking, repeat aloud what he or she has told you without adding or embellishing what was said. A good way to do that is to simply say "Just so i understand what are you feeling, is this..."
3.Pray for your partner.Daily ask God to bless your spouse. Id your husband or wife is experiencing stress, ask God to bless him or her with feelings of peace. If your partner is in need of clarity, ask God to bless him or her with healing. If your spouse has a success, praise God for the achievement. Apply the command of Scripture: "Prayer is a form of intimacy that will tighten the bond between you and your spouse.
4. Keep a sense of humor.Too often life is intensely serious. Lighten and brighten your marriage by maintaining a sense of humor. Do whatever you can to add emotional amusement into your relationship. Two people who did were actor Gregory Peck and his wife Veronique Passani, then a reporter, interviewed Peck during the filming of Roman Holiday in 1953.Impressed with her, Peck called her at the newspaper asking if she would join him for lunch. Upon getting through to her and making his request, Peck was surprised when Veronique didn't say anything. After a lengthy pause, she finally agreed. Months later Peck asked her why she had taken so long to make up her mind. She said, "I had an appointment to interview Albert Schweitzer at the apartment of Jean-Paul Sarte," Peck's response" "You made the right choice."
5. Talk regularly. That advice comes from Dr. Jerry M. Lewis, senior research psychiatrist at the Timberlawn Psychiatrist at the Timberlawn Psychiatric Research Foundation in Dallas, Texas."No matter how busy you are, set aside at least 20 minutes for an 'end-of-the-day review' with your spouse. Ask such simple questions as What was the best part of the day? Did anything funny happen today? "Train to listen nonjudgmentally to the answers, so you can create an atmosphere in which you gradually begin to feel safe exploring the multitude of issues in your lives." Choose a time for talking when both of you are emotionally available.
6. Be loyal.When Joan River's only daughter, Melissa, was about to marry John Endicott, the comedian wrote an open letter to "Missy"offering her advice as she began this new chapter in her life. In her letter, Rivers emphasized the importance of loyalty to one's partner.
"Daddy and I used to say that the two of us were a little army. Even before you came, he and I were shoulder to shoulder against the world," wrote Rivers. "You and John must become such an army. Through the years I've always admired your loyalty to your friends, your family, your schools; but the moment that ring circles your finger, your primary loyalty should be to your husband. Loyalty is the absolute essence of a marriage.
7.Expand your joy level.Remind yourself not to let the pace of life constrict your level of joy and pleasure together. The many pressures couples face today - working, commuting, housekeeping, parenting, volunteering, making mortgage payments - conspire to make daily life a series of pressures, one after another. Slow down the pace and make room for joy.
"Sometime we get parsimonious about love - too few hugs, too few compliments, too little time for each other," write Dr. Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt, in their book The Couples Companion: Meditations and Exercises the Love You Want.To often our frugality reflects the scarcity or impermissibility of pleasure in childhood, our indoctrination that fun or pleasure is 'evil'. We take no pleasure in pleasure."
Their advice: "Time to begin retraining your old brain to revel in intense and abundant pleasure. Come up with something that you and your partner can do today stretch limits of your potential for joy. Ten minutes of belly laughing? Stay in bed till noon? The world's largest banana split? Go for it"
8. Always be courteous and considerate.Do not let engagement courtesies fall by the wayside after marriage. Continue to treat your partner as though it was your partner as though it was your first date. Here's some advice from Dr. Leo Buscaglia from his book, Born for Love:"We are often more considerate and understanding of total strangers than we are of our wives, husbands, and children. Curiously, true consideration and genuine affection often seem reserved for insignificant, rather than significant others...
"A kind word, sincerely stated, can work magic, most notably in relationships where the magic is gone. We are never sophisticated or so comfortable in a relationship that the little niceties can be neglected. If they are so good enough for total strangers, they are certainly good enough for the people we love."
9. Educate yourself about love.In the story of Candide Voltaire has his hero and heroine discuss their loving future together. Their love blinds them to the fact that their expectations are massively different. Her dream is for pearls, ruby rings, and palaces with marble swimming pools. His goal is to live simply on a few acres of land with a pig, a cow, and a vegetable garden. They are naive in their expectation that their love will bridge the difference. Too many people enter marriage overly idealistically. They mistakenly assume that everything will fall into place without much effort. So consider shaping your idealism into a practical, workable reality by educating yourself about love and relationship, visit a library and find books relevant to the issue. Then, apply what you learn.
Victor M. Parachin
1. Apologize frequently.
Satisfying, long-term marriages usually contain the vital trait of knowing when one is wrong and promptly apologizing for the offensive action. Don't hesitate to express an apology if your words, attitude, or behavior were wrong .
Actor Chartlon Heston hasn't only had one of the longest careers in Hollywood, he's also had one of its longest marriage - 63 years with photographer, Lydia. When asked by People Magazine for the "secret" of his successful marriage, Heston said: "You've got to pick the right girl in the first place. And much more important, as a husband to have to remember that crucial importance of three little words: "I was wrong." That will take you a lot further than "I love you."
2. Take up residence someone else's point of view.
That means learning to listen. Provide the opportunity and the freedom for your partner to express his/her opinion without interruption, interference, or interpretation. Learn to really listen to your spouse when he or she is through speaking, repeat aloud what he or she has told you without adding or embellishing what was said. A good way to do that is to simply say "Just so i understand what are you feeling, is this..."
3.Pray for your partner.Daily ask God to bless your spouse. Id your husband or wife is experiencing stress, ask God to bless him or her with feelings of peace. If your partner is in need of clarity, ask God to bless him or her with healing. If your spouse has a success, praise God for the achievement. Apply the command of Scripture: "Prayer is a form of intimacy that will tighten the bond between you and your spouse.
4. Keep a sense of humor.Too often life is intensely serious. Lighten and brighten your marriage by maintaining a sense of humor. Do whatever you can to add emotional amusement into your relationship. Two people who did were actor Gregory Peck and his wife Veronique Passani, then a reporter, interviewed Peck during the filming of Roman Holiday in 1953.Impressed with her, Peck called her at the newspaper asking if she would join him for lunch. Upon getting through to her and making his request, Peck was surprised when Veronique didn't say anything. After a lengthy pause, she finally agreed. Months later Peck asked her why she had taken so long to make up her mind. She said, "I had an appointment to interview Albert Schweitzer at the apartment of Jean-Paul Sarte," Peck's response" "You made the right choice."
5. Talk regularly. That advice comes from Dr. Jerry M. Lewis, senior research psychiatrist at the Timberlawn Psychiatrist at the Timberlawn Psychiatric Research Foundation in Dallas, Texas."No matter how busy you are, set aside at least 20 minutes for an 'end-of-the-day review' with your spouse. Ask such simple questions as What was the best part of the day? Did anything funny happen today? "Train to listen nonjudgmentally to the answers, so you can create an atmosphere in which you gradually begin to feel safe exploring the multitude of issues in your lives." Choose a time for talking when both of you are emotionally available.
6. Be loyal.When Joan River's only daughter, Melissa, was about to marry John Endicott, the comedian wrote an open letter to "Missy"offering her advice as she began this new chapter in her life. In her letter, Rivers emphasized the importance of loyalty to one's partner.
"Daddy and I used to say that the two of us were a little army. Even before you came, he and I were shoulder to shoulder against the world," wrote Rivers. "You and John must become such an army. Through the years I've always admired your loyalty to your friends, your family, your schools; but the moment that ring circles your finger, your primary loyalty should be to your husband. Loyalty is the absolute essence of a marriage.
7.Expand your joy level.Remind yourself not to let the pace of life constrict your level of joy and pleasure together. The many pressures couples face today - working, commuting, housekeeping, parenting, volunteering, making mortgage payments - conspire to make daily life a series of pressures, one after another. Slow down the pace and make room for joy.
"Sometime we get parsimonious about love - too few hugs, too few compliments, too little time for each other," write Dr. Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt, in their book The Couples Companion: Meditations and Exercises the Love You Want.To often our frugality reflects the scarcity or impermissibility of pleasure in childhood, our indoctrination that fun or pleasure is 'evil'. We take no pleasure in pleasure."
Their advice: "Time to begin retraining your old brain to revel in intense and abundant pleasure. Come up with something that you and your partner can do today stretch limits of your potential for joy. Ten minutes of belly laughing? Stay in bed till noon? The world's largest banana split? Go for it"
8. Always be courteous and considerate.Do not let engagement courtesies fall by the wayside after marriage. Continue to treat your partner as though it was your partner as though it was your first date. Here's some advice from Dr. Leo Buscaglia from his book, Born for Love:"We are often more considerate and understanding of total strangers than we are of our wives, husbands, and children. Curiously, true consideration and genuine affection often seem reserved for insignificant, rather than significant others...
"A kind word, sincerely stated, can work magic, most notably in relationships where the magic is gone. We are never sophisticated or so comfortable in a relationship that the little niceties can be neglected. If they are so good enough for total strangers, they are certainly good enough for the people we love."
9. Educate yourself about love.In the story of Candide Voltaire has his hero and heroine discuss their loving future together. Their love blinds them to the fact that their expectations are massively different. Her dream is for pearls, ruby rings, and palaces with marble swimming pools. His goal is to live simply on a few acres of land with a pig, a cow, and a vegetable garden. They are naive in their expectation that their love will bridge the difference. Too many people enter marriage overly idealistically. They mistakenly assume that everything will fall into place without much effort. So consider shaping your idealism into a practical, workable reality by educating yourself about love and relationship, visit a library and find books relevant to the issue. Then, apply what you learn.
