"I love you"

[crisipicada]

Saying these words makes the hearer smile and happy. It is like magic that will lightens the heart. Many of us have told someone and the day makes so wonderful, thinking that someone love you.

But how much do you mean these words "I love you"?

I want to share this to you. My sister is very particular about these words. It has been her standard that to say someone "I love you" means you are going to marry him/her for a life time. It means to love someone for eternity.

Since, she has a boyfriend that lasted for over 3 years, and been praying and said this to him "I love you" and they have parting ways now, until now, the guy is still single so with my sister. Why? Because it is in her heart that she will not find another unless that guy is married to someone else. Why? Because she already said "I love you" to the guy and that is in her heart.

That has been in my heart too. When I said, "I love you" to someone, it is not that I will tell more than 1 person. Because it is already that I love the person. Unless the guy is married to another woman, then it is the right time to find someone and move on.

Have you said "I love you" to someone and then later on, you did not mean it?

What is your standard?

Your thoughts is appreciated.

[Gary2310]

Crisi, it is certainly poetic to think of love as a universal language...That is, where no translation is necessary. In reality, however, the term 'love' or being in love, or even the phrase "I love you" can have somewhat different meanings to different people. Everybody thinks about love in slightly different ways. Some people fall in and out of love very easily, while others do not fall in love very easily, but when they do fall in love, it's forever. Similarly, some people love more deeply than others.

Love can be a very difficult emotion to understand and handle gracefully. The feelings you get when you think that you have found "true love" can be something truly magical, and yet very hard to describe. I describe "true love" has all those intense different feelings that come together to form a strong sense that "this person" is the one I want to spend the rest of my days with...It's all the physical, emotional and spiritual feelings, all wrapped up into this wonderful "bouquet". These feelings can be so wonderful, and because most people desire to have these feelings, sometimes people prematurely think that they are truly in love, when in reality they are not. The feeling of being in love is so desired that often times we can think that we feel actual love when all we are really feeling is the hope of finding true love.

As I understand your post, your sister can't move on until her ex-bf is married to another woman because she already told him that she loves him. Is your sister saying that she still loves her ex-bf and that she will only stop loving him when he gets married to another woman? That seems a little mechanical to me. I believe either you love someone or you don't. Personally, I don't see how those kinds of feelings can be easily turned on and off. There is no right or wrong here...This only shows how different people can think differently about love.

I believe that true love is a divine gift that not everyone is blessed with, and it's a love like no other kind of love. True love transcends eternity...It's a love that awakens the soul...It's an act of endless forgiveness...It's the mutual magic in a kiss. To really know true love, you not only must love in such a way that you would give your own life, but you must also be loved that way in return. If after many years of marriage, you can look at your spouse in the eyes and feel the same way you did before you were married, then that's true love!

[Edwin]

I will comment on Crisi and her sister's idea that they have in mind when they say, "I love you." I am going to attempt to interpret what they mean to try to understand it well. Crisi, tell if I am wrong, but I understood you to say that you will only say I love you to the person that you intend to marry, and in other words you are ingaged to that person. Also I understood you to say that you will not tell another person that "I love you," until the person you already told that is married? I am not being critical, but I think I am restating what you said for clarity.

As opposed to that we have at least two other scenerios. We have one where a guy is communicating with two or more young ladies, and he is telling each one of them at the same time that he loves them, probably without the other one knowing that he is doing that. That person has a lower standard than you and your sister.

There is also the love them and leave them type. They say they love the person, and maybe it is like Gary said, they really think they love the person, but they shortly learn that they don't love the person, so it is love them and leave them, and they really didn't love, so they move on to the next person, and tell that person that they love that person as well, but they are too quick to move from one person to the next person without knowing them well enough to be telling them that they love them.

If I were available, which I am not, because I am married, but if I were I would fall into another grouping, I think? I would get to know the person, think I loved that person, and then I would tell that person I loved them, or I was in love with them, and I would think that I meant it, and it would be one person at a time, and my intentions would be to stay with that person forever. Where I would differ from Crisi and her sister, is that if something happened to that relationship, and especially if it were out of my control, not my fault, I didn't cause the breakup, and I wanted it to last forever. Once that one was finished with no hope of continuing I would find someone else, and I would tell that person that I loved them, or I was in love with them, without my former person being married. I can understand and appreciate your stand though in wanting the relationship to last forever, praying about it, and believing that it will last forever, but if it doesn't make it, and especially if it was not my fault, I would not hesitate to move one. I agree that saying "I love you,"L or "I am in love with you carries some obligations, and my idea is that people should not two time it, or love and leave. It should be more serious than that.

[mystic]

I can say I was always very strict in my life (especially in my past) and guarded the words "I love you". I didn't necessarily relate them to marriage, but I would say them only to the person that I was thinking to spend a life with. I usually put full commitment in my words. I prefer not to speak rather than say something that "might not be true". And I often prefer action before words.

But life also taught me that keeping the good things for one single person might seem too egoistic. We should at least love the others as we love ourselves. So I learned to love everybody with no distinction between friend and foe. At the end, we will all become one in front of God with Anima Mundi (lit. World's Soul, or collective soul). So, better to live a life beyond the concept of Good and Evil, and think that we are all one single Living Being. I am pretty much unable to hate somebody, but I will always try to see their viewpoint, and despite I don't necessarily have to agree, I will respect it. (In a certain way, the way of saving one's love just for one is the human way, while loving all is like preparing for the higher marriage - humankind with the Lord.)

So, in this new picture, where the good things (love, etc.) should radiate out of me, there is still place for God's gift, which is a special love. I would tell a special "I love you" to that person. This is a thing that I really guard a lot and never had an occasion to say. One way to say that could be to add the words "you are the one". I never said that to somebody.

One more thing I learned is to love my son. I always tell him "you are my love"... and I really feel and mean it. There is nothing that lets you feel part of somebody else so strong as a child, which is really part of you - your tree. So, I think the concept of love evolves during existence. It does not really have to change, but it gets new meanings.

People who fall in and out of love do not have a real understanding of what love is. Love is a commitment, and, as a flower, it must be taken care of. It's not just something emotional or that makes you feel good. That's just the smoke (I could say the smell of a roasted chicken, but not the chicken itself; substance is somewhere else). People usually wait for love to take them. But the one who knows (knowledge - brain) makes things a different way. Eternity is not something that falls on us from heaven. We have to build it. If there are the proper prerequisites, eternity comes.

A first step is to measure our words and make our word truthful. We have to be where we say. If we say "I love you" to somebody, we are committing to love that person.

[DavidM]

Seriously? Not saying "I love you" until you want to commit to be married forever? From a distance this seems like the result of holding out too long waiting for Mr Perfect to come along. At best it could be wanting a pre-sin relationship, but that will never be found here on earth. There is only one who is forever true to those words. Everyone else says them for different reasons and the feelings can wax and wane.

It is also a huge red flag indicating Cluster C personality. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_disorder#Cluster_C_.28anxious_or_fearful_disorders.29

• Avoidant personality disorder: pervasive feelings of social inhibition and social inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation and avoidance of social interaction.
• Dependent personality disorder: pervasive psychological dependence on other people.
• Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (not the same as obsessive-compulsive disorder): characterized by rigid conformity to rules, moral codes and excessive orderliness.

I'm not diagnosing anyone, but the reader should search their heart for truth. Also known as princess syndrome.

To me, "I love you" is what you say to someone when you love them. It is far far from saying "I am committed to you forever and will never leave you or forsake you." The answer is yes that everyone will let you down at some point and no there isn't one human who can make a perfect covenant, but Jesus calls us to love those imperfect and adulterous people.

They are words spoken from the overflow of the heart. Are they spoken to deceive or genuine? You can only tell by the fruit.

Hopefully I didn't offend.

[crisipicada]

Yes, Sir Edwin, that has been what my sister believe. She is now careful of saying to someone that words because sometimes if we are not careful with our words it will hurt to someone else. Not only that, those people around you especially those who love you will also be hurt.

It is hard to find someone who is committed to the word "marriage". Others, as I have learned, that before, their idea of "love" and "marriage" are two different things.

It is very important to take care of the heart from lust because it will always clouded the mind and then what seems wrong seems right. Example, it seems that you feel in love with someone but later on when you find out, you never love that person.

Yes, it is true, sir Edwin that commitment is very important. We cannot rely on our own understanding. But we can trust His word. He is greater than our hearts.

Seriously, sometimes, we learn to love someone or may I say, you have feeling for him or her but you know that it is not yet the right time. This is not to avoid or having fear at heart but this is just an example of using our head more than our hearts so that our feelings is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush.

[Edwin]

Crisi, I admire you and your sister for the stand you are taking. You add value to your lives rather than cheapening yourselves which many people in the world are doing. We have a saying, "If you don't take a stand for something, you will fall for anything," and there is no subsitute for taking a stand and having high standards.

You are right that it is important to guard your words so that you will not give someone fall hopes and hurt them with that. I think it is a great idea and right not to tell someone you love them unless you are planning to spend your life with them. That is telling someone of the opposite sex who would potentially be a partner in love, life, and marriage. Now telling your son, daughter, grandkids, or even someone in the church that you love them is different I think because it is a different love we are thinking off, either a family love, or a brothers and sisters in Christian love.

[Gary2310]

Crisi, I agree with you...Not everyone thinks about "love" and/or "marriage" in exactly the same way. And, it's really important for a lifetime of happiness that a woman (or a man) finds a mate that they share common beliefs with on such serious issues as "love" and "marriage", as well on other major life issues. And, I also agree with you about not mistaking lust for love. You see, when a physical attraction is so strong people can mistakenly believe that they are "in love" when it's not really love that they are feeling.

I think for many, one problem with finding love is that they have this idea that there exists a "One and Only"...That there is this soulmate out there waiting just for them, if only they can find them. I think, in this sense, we become "in love" with the idea of being in love and with the idealised version of someone. And, this someone probably doesn't exist except in our minds.

And, I don't really believe that you can actually learn to love someone. I just don't believe that love is actually something that can be learned. Love is about a connection to life and living. The feelings of TRUE love for a person is a collection of connections that bond two people together for a lifetime. True love is not a habituation, it's not an acceptance, nor is it the result of behavioral conditioning. Oh sure, a person may be able to learn to accept the idea of being with a person and of making a life together with that person, but that's not love, in my opinion, at least not in the true sense. To me, that's a companionate type of love, which I think is quite common in cultures where arranged marriages are the tradition. While these marriages, arguably, have higher success rates, the reasons for it, I believe, have very little to do with love and the existence of a perfect union. Rather, it's all about having a strong sense of responsibility to follow cultural customs and traditions.

[mystic]

I think for many, one problem with finding love is that they have this idea that there exists a "One and Only"...That there is this soulmate out there waiting just for them, if only they can find them. I think, in this sense, we become "in love" with the idea of being in love and with the idealised version of someone. And, this someone probably doesn't exist except in our minds.

That's a fascinating concept. Indeed, maybe perfect love is just something that develops in our mind, and there is nothing wrong with it. Maybe love is just finding a part (fancy) of ourselves that in reality we tend to lose. We just get too much acquainted with the real rational world and suppress our creative part, which tries to come out in another way.

You know, this was the eternal dilemma between atistotelians and platonists. You have the aristotelian idea, while I have the platonic one. Take away the dream (the impossible ideal image of perfect love), and it's not worth to live life anymore. The dream gives you the direction to follow while trying to build a "perfect" relation, or make an ordinary relation into something higher and more sacred. Without the dream, the relation is just very sterile, grey. I really wonder why one should engage in a relation if things are really so...
It's not very important if the concept of a soulmate is true, real, or just a legend. Man should regain the ability to put everything in a legend, to make reality a dream, etc.

And, I don't really believe that you can actually learn to love someone.

I think the opposite. Love, like friendship, is as a flower. It needs care, water, and many things to blossom. Love is just the outcome of a proper care/commitment. It's not an apple that falls on your head while you walk under a tree, and you are not Newton.

[Edwin]

I think someone, and I don't know/remember who said, Dreams are the stuff that life is made from," or maybe it was "Life is made from dreams." I think both are true. That is what inventions are. My Dad was an inventer of sorts. He tried to patent some of his inventions, but he figured that lawyers stole his ideas from him because he saw some things come out on the market after he took his ideas to a lawyer in Seattle to try to get patents on his ideas.

I have heard that when you as a young man are searching for a young lady, you have an idea in your mind what you want the young lady to be like. You fall in love with that young lady that you dream up in your mind. When you see the profile and pictures of the beautiful young lady and read what is written about her, you are immediately and hopelessly in love. You know what she is like, and you love her! The problem is that she may not be like what you see. Her pictures/photos may be doctored, and she may be writing what she wants you to believe rather than telling it as it is. So you might think you are in love with her, but she may not be the one that you are in love with, but you may be in love with the girl that you created in your mind. If you do not know her well before you take the next steps you may have some unpleasant surprises! Or you may be pleasantly surprised. Her photos may reveal her real self, and she may be telling the truth about who she is.

So fall in love with her, but proceed with caution to make sure she is who you think she is! It is fun to dream, it is healthy to dream, but add a little reality along with those dreams. Dreams are cheap; it costs nothing to dream. Remember, she is dreaming about you at the same time as you are dreaming about her, so please don't disappoint her!