Lesson to learn

[red]

Attention to Filipina ladies. I know it is being mentioned here many times that never say I love yous online unless you meet the guy in person. I am repeatingly saying this because I just know someone become a victim. I call it victim of online love. lol. I feel bad about that person I wish i warned or at least told her not to be in love but i can't control her. Don't exchange i love you's, control your emotion. Ask questions like applying for job. Ask about his previous relationships and how it ended. Ask about his family history, health...everything!...ask if he has ever committed a felony...take note that is a very important question even if it offend him.(if it offends him then turn him down). Remember if he is honest he should not hide anything not even his dark side of life in the past.
Now, when he is decided to see you in person, ask his itinirary, if he can't provide you his info about flight details, then i think you should start to doubt.
For the guys, please be honest. If you decide on seeing more than one woman, tell her about it. It is so unfair that these women talking only one and then you guys talk to many women online. HOnesty is the best policy. And please refrain using God's name every time you talk to different women that it don't even reflect on your actions.

[Smiley]

I hear what you are saying.I am very hesitant to get involved in an online relationship for reasons reflected in your post.I really feel bad for your Aunt.I can only think of one reason for this guy to not disclose his travel itinerary and it is not a good one.Just because someone gushes incessantly about Jesus does not make them trustworthy.It is all too often a front.Just as many scoundrels will use the guise of patriotism to push their personal agenda so too the dirtbags that will act all pious to gain the trust of someone that does not know them.
It is too easy to abuse or be abused in a long distance relationship.I have heard stories of women being fed a line about how important the have become to a foreign man only to find out too late that they are only a number on a list.I have also heard about women that have several guys on the hook as well,sometimes even a husband lurking in the shadows.There was one guy from Canada that sent a lady money for school,then to keep the family from losing the farm,then the carabo died,then granny died,then dad got injured,then granny died again,then the roof blew off,then granny died again,then she got mixed up and sent him a letter meant for some other guy,telling him that he was her only suitor and that she really needed to go to school but the family could not afford for her to go because granny needed an operation!
It is also problematic to make serious commitments to someone that you don`t know firsthand. I`m not saying that it will always end badly because I know several people that are VERY happy together after meeting as penpals.

[red]

I read that Smiley. I had rough day yesterday and could not sleep well last night after seeing my auntie on webcam crying. I wish she told me about their chats online and how it went. But my aunt is older than me that i expect she can handle well. Mostly she trusted the guy knowing that he is a deacon in their church. I heard that he became pushy and wanting the eldest daughter of my aunt to call him daddy. I even called him uncle! lol. I regret that. So much happened that I thought they were signs that he is not the one(?) or he can't be trusted. I feel guilty too especially that i was the one responsible of posting my auntie here on jaderune. I had sad experiences here before and I learned it to the point that one last time I talked to many but i did not commit to any of them. Then I met my husband he gave me his itinerary he bought me ticket to meet him in manila. But no cash included. we decided that should we not like each other we parted ways but alas we became attracted then. I wish it was like that for my aunt.
Well, both sexes here should imposed honesty...pls pls pls....to avoid hurt and everyone should be happy and at peace.
And oh it was the last minute that my auntie told me what she discovered that he committed attempted sexual assault. I think it is enough for her to forget him.

[Edwin]

Yes, there is a risk with online relationships, and the risk is there for the filipina as well as the western guy. We have seens guys get on here and bash filipinas as if they were all bad and self seeking. We have not, on this forum, seen the western guys bashed that much.

I think some are dreaming and hoping too much, and those people are vulnerable to these kinds of things happening. Some countried are considered high fraud because more of this kind of thing happens than in other countries. The filipina wants love, a family, and a better life, so if someone appears to offer that to them, then they are tempted, which is natural, and who wouldn't be. The western guy has had bad marriages and bad experiences often with bad people who are affected by a culture that promotes femenism, and bad relationships with women, so they are vulnerable.

My brother-in-law who was married to the filipina for 15 years and died of cancer, he was death against online distance relationships, because he and his filipina families have seen too many bad things happen. He worked with the filipina's brother, and got to know her that way. He loved the Philippines and filipinos, and it was his desire to live in the Philippines even when he was married to his first wife. He wanted her to go with him, but she didn't want to, and eventually their marriage failed because he worked all over the world and was seldom home. They were never happy anyway, fighting most of the time. When he married his filipina, they were both very happy, and he said that he had never been happier in his life!

I am very sorry, Red, that this turned out badly for your aunt. I hope and pray that she will find someone who is worthwhile. The guy and the gal should be honest, should get to know each other, and not be blinded by the desire for love and happiness. I wish everyone God's Blessings in their endeavors.

I too have knowledge of some of my relatives, family, and friends, acquaintenances who have gotten caught in this bad stuff, but there are more of them that have found it wonderfull for them. So, we all just need to be careful, take it slow, keep our eyes open, and seek God's direction and His Blessing.

[Edwin]

Red, this is not really a criticism, but an observation, and I know you would agree with me on this. You started your post with, "Attention to Filipina ladies." I know why you wrote it that way, and I've already responded to your concerns. I also think it should be as well, "Attention to Western guys." Usually the western guy does a certain kind of fraud, and the fillipina lady does a different kind of fraud, but when it is all said and done they both boil down to dishonesty and deceit. I think it is so sad that we as humans can't trust each other! I know I am honest, and I will never, hopefully, ever lead anyone astray! Some people who get to know me well, know that, but for the larger part most people don't know that about me. But, not everyone is forthcoming, honest, and upright. Many will be decietful if they think it will benefit them, and that is the sad part, because in the end everyone loses. Because some of deceitful there has to be a lack of trust, because how do you know that you can trust the person who is on the other end of that computer? You don't, until you get to know the person well, and even then there are risks!

Red, you have been a wonderful person to match people together with each other, and with mostly success, and that is wonderful. I have had filipinas more than once, actually several times for more approach me to try to find them a mate. Every time that happens I wish with all my heart that I could help the person, but for the most part I can't help match people for a number of reasons. We live out where we don't see people very much at all, and I/we don't have any close friends. I have in my knowledge base a few people that I have known from the past, and I even suggested to one of them years ago that he look for a filipina. That was in the early 1990s. If I had a friend that I had confidence in, and knew that, the person would not hurt anyone one else, then I might attempt to be a match maker. I don't want to cause pain by suggesting someone who would not work out, and I would feel really badly if I matched a western person to someone who would end up commiting fraud against them. As I said in my above post I have seen this happen and it is very sad!

I would hope that people would be honest, and that it would be good for everyone.

[Edwin]

I, just as you, Red, am here for a different reason than many wanting to find mates because I am married, and as long as both of us are alive, I am not available for romance, and hopes for a future/a wedding/a marriage. I am only here to have fun, not the kind of fun where a western guy takes advantage of a filipina or many filipinas, making them think that they are loved by the person, then leave them. I let everyone know that I want friends but nothing more, because there is no hope for anything more as long as Carol and I are alive.

I also think it is sad that anyone would use God and their pretense at being a Christain to deceive someone else into thinking that they can be trusted. In several places in the Bible the idea is brought out that using the concept of being a Christian is not enough to get to heaven. There are many Christian pretenders who will end up in hell and the lake of fire, and also even preachers who will go into eternity without God as well. Red, it sounds like this guy really overstepped his bounds by insisting that your Aunt's daughter call him daddy! He sounds like one of these pushy guys that has his nerve! Carol went through the same thing with an Aunt who insisted that she call her Mom, when the woman was not her mom. It was mean of her! Now that the woman is dead, she is free in many ways as her aunt was very controling and very mean. Now Carol calls her Aunt Marie, except to our twins, she refers to her as Grandma Marie, only because calling her Aunt Marie makes them angry, and really it is none of their business, but they have made it their business, and Carol doesn't want to have trouble with them, as I have had trouble with one of them!

Oh, well, I guess I have sad enough about this!

[Edwin]

People often think they get by with commiting sin, and doing evil. There is still the principle of sowing and reaping. If you commit sin you will reap the results of sin. God will forgive it you ask Him to, but you still may have to suffer many of the effects of sin. David and Bathsheba commited sin, and God killed their love child. There is more than one place in the Bible where God says, "I will kill you children!" My older brother and sister-in-law both did wrong. My older brother ended up marrying another woman with whom he was cheating on his wife with. His wife was not doing him right either, and his home was not a happy one, but drinking and chasing women I don't think was the answer to that. What was the result? My older brother's new wife's oldest son was killed in a car accident. My brother and ex sister-in-law's oldest daughter was killed in a car accident just a little later. My younger sister and her husband broke their wedding vows also, and their family as been affected ever since, with one son going missing for more than 20 years, and the other son dying. God is not mocked, whatever a man or woman sows that they will reap. So it is very serious business, and if you are thinking of decieving another person, defrauding them, mistreating them, you better be careful, but this game is for keeps, and God does not wink at sin!

[red]

I remember that there is a post like this one but I did not remember it was me who posted it lol.
Well, I think people here seeking mate should know their boundaries and limitations when it comes getting to know each other stage online. I just hope that seekers should be aware and be careful when seeking right mate. Hard to trust someone you never meet yet. And yes get to know the person well and meet first before going further into commitment. Keep in mind that even what you do online God is watching all the time. Like Sir Ed said God never wink a sin.

[Edwin]

Yes, Red, that was terrible what that person did to your Aunt! Any time someone does someone else wrong it is terrible, and God keeps the records. Many people don't think about this, and maybe they don't want to think about it, but what we do here had eternal consequences, and there is a heaven and a hell. They are real places, and real people are going to those places. We only live so long, and when we are laying dying we don't want to be aware that we have done damage to other people. If we don't ask forgiveness, then I think we are in real trouble for the wrongs that we have done. Some people have this picture of a God who is not going to send anyone to hell, and we are all going to end up in heaven. That is not the way it is, and some people are in for a rude awakening as they exit this life. They are blinded by Satan, and they think everything is fine. When the rich man in the Bible went out of this life, he had a rude awakening, a shock! He begged for
Abraham to send Lazareth to put a drop of water on his tongue, because he was burning, really burning! Then he asked if Abraham would send Lazareth to warn his five brothers not to come to that place of torment, but, Lazareth told the rich man that even if someone would come from the dead they would not accept the message. He told him that his brother had the law and the prophets and let them listen to them! We have enough for faith in God, and are we going to listen, or are we going to go our own way, and end up in the place of torment, which was created for the Devil and his angels! Sad and serious! What is our choice?

[crisipicada]

Sorry to hear this story...I hope that someone would learn this and to take care the next time. Sometimes, the best way to do is to be patient and to really think more or many times. Also I learned that the best thing to do is to pray for guidance.