Jaderune Pen Pals

Dear All,

I have a friend who had an online boyfriend for two years but she haven't met him yet in person. Every time she asked him of his plans, the classic answer is: I WANNA BE WITH YOU AND MARRY YOU SOMEDAY. My friend is getting impatient...

Her boyfriend had been sending her a few dollars to help with her bills for a year now and lately, she met a foreigner and they have plans to tie the knot by december. What bothers me is the new boyfriend had no qualms letting my friend accepting financial aid from her online boyfriend until now. The online is a friend in one of the social network that I am active.

One more thing that bothers me is the new boyfriend slogan: I AM AMERICAN, I CAN DO ANYTHING!

My friend is a good girl and in two years, she had been faithful with her online boyfriend until the new guy makes her feel like a princess and sweep her off her feet....

It's none of my business, yes but I can't stop worrying for her...

Janeith

Hello Janieth,

I am glad to read your message about your friend. I want to share with you about this wisdom I learned from others.

They said that after 6 months to 1 year of communication online, a man should visit or see the woman in person. If not, then there is a possibility that unavoidable circumstances hinders his visit. Who knows. But on the other hand, maybe the guy is not true to the woman or communicating many girls at all.

It is normal to be impatient because it is an online relationship - therefore, someone might not true or not.

It is true that we get worried about our friends because we care for them. The best thing that you can do is to pray for your friend and the other that God will lead them in the right direction. Divine intervention is very vital in any major decision that we will do especially being married to someone. Easy say than done but that is true.

So, this time, counsel your friend to take time, think million of time, be patient and ask God's wisdom and guidance. I get discouraged, too because we are carried away by our emotion. But the time we shift our mind and attitude that God knows what is best for us, we become at peace. Desire what makes your friend happy and tell her to be honest with her bf where he has a relationship in two years.

Thanks for this information about your friend

I agree with Purex! She had some very good things to say. Two years is a long time not to visit the loved one. She needs to have a heart to heart talk, see if she can figure out why he has not visited her in that period of time.

My gut feeling on this is that this new foreigner boy friend sound dangerous to me. Your friend needs to be very careful and pray to God about what is happening. It doesn't sound good to me. The 2 years is a good thing as long as there is not something going on that is not right on the boy friend's part. For sure they need to be honest with each other, and then if at all possible he needs to visit her. She should deal with him first before she gets involved with someone else that doesn't sound completely above board.

I disagree with both of you.

Marriage and love are far more important than any lousy job. What is the first guy waiting on? For 2!!! years??? If I was fairly sure I would not wait 2 months.

This guy is just looking for a chat mate, to fill his time in the evenings instead of TV, a friend. I agree that friends are nice but he mis-represented himself saying that he is interested in marriage.

The cash he sends in irrelevant. You should not expect to buy loyalty for petty cash.

The second guy is a lively prospect, seems serious. Risk taking is usually a sign of intelligence, but risk is in the eye of the beholder. One may say " I will risk crossing the street here I do not see any cars" and another guy may say "I really feel I can fly today, I think I will test it by jumping off a cliff". Meet the guy, my guess he is afraid and knows the great risks of marrying a person from another culture. He claims he wants to take the risk.

Thank you guys for the reply... I quoted some of you to my my friend when she asked my input about her dilemma.

Purex, Edwin and Abufarsi: thanks for taking the time to reply my post, I didn't get back to you as soonest as I want to but here I am now. Better late than never...

My friend finally talked to her online boyfriend and told him about the other guy. As expected, the guy was hurt but after a few hurtful emails back and forth, he finally understand my friend's situation. My friend invited him to visit her this December but he still can't so she told him she has enough of the long distance relationship. At least, they don't hate each other.

With the other guy, she finally see the wisdom of taking things slowly. She opted not to marry the 2nd guy this December. They are processing her fiancee visa though. Quesera sera.

I am keeping my fingers crossed and keep including her in my prayers... she is the best friend I ever had and I wanna see her happy and well taken care of...

Janeith

I am glad that they don't hate each other. I am sorry for your friend's disappointment, and for the frustrations of the other person also. That is a good idea for your friend to take it slower and be careful. I hope good things will happen for your friend! God's Blessings!

looks like I have been on that girls shoes I mean your friend. but for me I waited for 3 years did not entertain anyone except him. In fairness to him though he did visit me here in the Philippines but I did find out that he visited at least 3 girls and I was the last one he meet. I understand him spending so much for a back in forth ticket for nothing is really a bad thing. His reason was what if I am not real, what if I wont meet him, and what if I am not the one he like when he arrived. (that time I was kindah stupid cause I love him and accepted his reasons) but then in the long run I re-think and there are things that I was not able to think before. he did not consider the fact that I waited for 3 years if I am not real I wont let him talk and chat online with my family, if I am a scammer then I should have asked for money I never asked for it he offered but I said not until I meet him (well I cant refuse roses though on valentines) the third reason though I understand.

to end it all I understand what your friend felt. (I wish her good luck and happiness with this guy) as for me and the guy I waited for 3 years I asked him if he finally made up his mind and he told me that he wanted to marry me but he is not closing his doors to new girls. and I understand him... I understand and let go...

the last time I check he visited another one in davao it kindah hurt because good for him he got option and I am here all alone trying to start it all over again. but that's life I guess...

Tamaratiu,

When we think were in love, we tend to be stupid but on those times, we just don't care. We believe in happy endings and keep hoping for the best even if warning signs blaring at us in bold letters.

But I am glad you come to your senses and choose to move on, your still young and one day, your Prince Charming will come in your life and treat you good.

This online relationship is draining at times, we met people who makes us believe in fairy tales, whom we think as our Prince but turn out to be a frog but that should not stop us. Rest, yes to regain the strength to dream again and shoot for the the star.

Good luck!