Who Will Tell First?

[Edwin]

Yes, Crisi, you said something very important when you said "Be the right person!" What we are is much more important than what we have. We are to allow God to make of us what He wants us to be. Then seek for God's guidance. God will give us what He wants us to have. If we trust in the Lord He will make us to be what He wants, and that is the best that we could want. There is a song that comes to my mind, "Now I belong to Jesus, Jesus belongs to me, not for the years of time alone, but for eternity!"

[BigBlastGuy]

I find it interesting topic, and I appreciate your comments, guys! Thank you.

I still believe that God guides us in many circumstances. As we ask for guidance, God will show us the way and lead us to the path what we desire as He is pleased. Okay, I understand your opinions. I know that it would be hard to make statement you cannot live with. Saying "I love you" is very meaningful to me and I am very careful about it. I have many regrets in life that I say something wrong out of bitterness and hurt people in the process. But I am very much happy that there are a lot of people who widen their understanding and just leave no commit about the damage that has been done. Just like we make hurting words, and just ask you to pray because your not in the right attitude. I am thankful for people who are very much understanding.

Okay, for me, it is not hard to say "I love you" to the person when the one you are looking for is what God has shown to you. Just like many Bible character. Anyone read about Rachel? When he was digging water for camel? I think it is Laban who prayed exactly for a wife and for direction. He never knew who will be his wife and they never knew each other for a long time, but God show him the way. God will always direct us to whom we may marry.

Okay, for me, it is okay if the guy will tell me that he loves me or been praying for me or found me as I am the one. THis is what I am doing. I talk to God also about the guy and if he is really the one and let me show the way. The path may be so hard and many hindrances but I believe it is just test for me or him. So, what i am always saying, if you are looking for the right person, consider also to be the right one. Maybe you are not right for him/her even he/she is right for you.

Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

The heart = emotion.

Crisi, you have a pure heart so you need to protect it. A strong, solid, serious, stable man who is in control of his emotions (heart) is not likely to be doing lovey kissy stuff on the internet with a woman he has never met. A man who will fall in love so easily will also fall out of love easily, such a man can not control his emotions and is not a good prospect for marriage.

[Edwin]

There are so many love stories in the Bible. One involves Jacob. Jacob had a reputation for being a swindler, and if you swindle, you will probably be swindled as well. This is kind of like what you dish out often you get back. Anyway Jacob cheated his brother out of his birth right, and at the same time Esau sold his birthright for a mess of porage because he was hungry, but he should not have sold it anyway.

Jacob was working or a wife. He was in love with Rachel. He worked 7 years for her, but when the wedding time came Rachel's father tricked Jacob into marrying Leah instead. This happened because Leah was veiled until Jacob married her, and thought he was marrying Rachel. Jacob never loved Leah as his wife, but was tricked into that married. Leah's father thought she should be married first since she was the oldest. Jacob and Leah had most of their children together. Jacob worked 7 more years for Rachel, and married her. Rachel was really the one that Jacob loved, and they only had 2 children together Joseph and Benjamin. It was kind of sad that Jacob worked for so many years and was tricked into marrying the wrong lady, and it was sad that he had to work so many years, 14 years before he got to marry the lady that he really was in love with. Their children were the heads of the tribes of Israel, and each tribe was named after Jacob, Leah, and Rachel's children that became fathers of the tribes of Israel.

[red]

filipinas known to be demure,reserved, conservative and modest. we wait for a guy to say ilove you before we do. but nowadays, i see young ones confess their feelings to guys. elders said guys would lose respect to women like that esp if its thru flirting. i wonder if that is true to other culture.

[red]

would it be a turn off for guys if ladies confess feelings first?

[Edwin]

Our culture says that the girl shouldn't chase the boy, and the boy should be the one to first express love, but it is not as much of a rule for us as it is for people in the Philippines. No one that I am aware of would lose respect or think any less of a young lady for telling the guy first, "I love you," or "I am in love with you." Someone on here, and I think it is on the first page said that he would be flattered if a young lady told him that, well I feel the same about it. It is no big deal. I can understand a young filipina being raised in that culture having reservations about being the first one, but I don't think anyone in the Western countries would be offended or think less of the young lady for being the first one to express love feelings. If the gal is a filipina, and the guy is an American, Canadian, UK, Austrailian, New Zealander, or European, take the chance, and say "I love you," or "I am in love with you," and then ask, "how do you feel about me?" "Don't be timid, spit it out!" Then "Congratulations to the happy couple!" Does that make sense?

[DavidM]

I don't think there is anything wrong at all with a women confessing first as long as we're not talking REAL early. You should be prepared for the possibility of it not being mutual at first. I would personally wait until you are pretty confident that it is mutual so you don't put the other person in the uncomfortable position of just having to say it back and have to do a hard evaluation too early. Then again, if it's been a while and it is only one-sided... that's not a good sign.

I have to differ with BigBlastGuy on this. My reading of the bible teaches that real STRENGTH in love is making yourself vulnerable. Of course you have to use wisdom, but feeling strong because you clam up and stay safe is really just a weakness. Jesus made himself completely vulnerable for his bride, and was mocked and suffered for it. Falling out of love fast is a sign of a different problem to me. Just saying.

[Edwin]

Almost everything we do involves risks of one kind or another. There is a saying, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." We have to make ourselves vulnerable at times. I agree with you, DavidM, that it is probably not wise to confess love really early, like on the first few chats, or within days or even a few weeks, but if there is a feeling that it is mutual, and there has been a time of communication, then I think it is fine for either the young lady or the gentleman to confess love. Then if there is a lot of time invested and it is not mutual, then it might be good to find that out. So I think that if enough time has elapsed and enough communication has taken place, and the young lady is wishing to know, she should be brave, and say, "I love you," or "I am in love with you." Then she should ask the guy, "how do you feel about this?" That is if she wants to do that. There is always risk, and she is the one who would take the risk, so it is her decision. DavidM, you are right in thinking that if it is too early it might push him in the wrong direction, so a little wisdom is called for.

I had a very good friend in Bible College years ago, many years ago. She was a girl, and she was a good friend, so I guess that made her my girl friend. Not really, but we were good friends, both of us Americans, even though we were living in Canada, me in the men's dorm, she in the girl's dorm. She was from the same city North of Seattle where my father-in-law lived, only he wasn't my father-in-law yet, because I had not started dating my wife at that time. Carol actually knew this family I found out later, because she had other close relatives in that city also. This girl and I saw each other a number of times after Carol and I were married, because of us visiting in that city. Well, I was confiding in her about my love life, and it wasn't going very well. She told me, "Cheer up, David, I will marry you!" I was shocked! I never knew that she felt that way about me. It never happened between her and me, although she was very nice, and I would not have minded connecting with her at all, but it wasn't God's plan, and it didn't happen.

[crisipicada]

It is hard to say something that you are emotional high or emotionally low. I mean, it is not wise to decide things out of unstable emotions. I believe it will end up wrong.

If I like someone, I usually consult people who are mature spiritually and emotionally and mentally. Like my sister, I always tell my sister Cai that, I like someone. I like her because she will always say, "you must pray" and ask guidance from the Lord. I like that wisdom. She said, too much too soon. Do not make things in a hurry but put things in proper time. I also consider that if I said "I love that person " that means you are committed to him/her no matter what.

While if you fully know the person, his/her ways, attitude, character, you will have a greater understanding to that person. My sister Cai is married to a Pastor. Her husband courted her for over a year. I must say, my sister Cai was the strictest person I have met. While Pastor Edsel been courting her, he fully understood my sister and then even there are trials along the way, my brod in law is very much understanding to her. And mind you, my sister was and is change 180degrees from her attitude and character that I have known when she got married to a Pastor. It is because her husband is very much mature to teach her about the word of God. Indeed, God's Word changes heart of the people.

Why sharing this? Because I believe that if you say someone, it must back up with commitment and sincerity. I know that would be hard to do.God will always work in us in different circumstances. As long as we fully commit to God, we will never regret and that is my desire in life as to the will of God.

[BigBlastGuy]

It is hard to say something that you are emotional high or emotionally low. I mean, it is not wise to decide things out of unstable emotions. I believe it will end up wrong.

If I like someone, I usually consult people who are mature spiritually and emotionally and mentally. Like my sister, I always tell my sister Cai that, I like someone. I like her because she will always say, "you must pray" and ask guidance from the Lord. I like that wisdom. She said, too much too soon. Do not make things in a hurry but put things in proper time. I also consider that if I said "I love that person " that means you are committed to him/her no matter what.

While if you fully know the person, his/her ways, attitude, character, you will have a greater understanding to that person. My sister Cai is married to a Pastor. Her husband courted her for over a year. I must say, my sister Cai was the strictest person I have met. While Pastor Edsel been courting her, he fully understood my sister and then even there are trials along the way, my brod in law is very much understanding to her. And mind you, my sister was and is change 180degrees from her attitude and character that I have known when she got married to a Pastor. It is because her husband is very much mature to teach her about the word of God. Indeed, God's Word changes heart of the people.

Why sharing this? Because I believe that if you say someone, it must back up with commitment and sincerity. I know that would be hard to do.God will always work in us in different circumstances. As long as we fully commit to God, we will never regret and that is my desire in life as to the will of God.

"it is not wise to decide things out of unstable emotions. I believe it will end up wrong"
Very true, emotions may change quickly. People confuse emotion for love. Love has emotion but love also has actions and intent of compassion, caring, sacrifice, commitment.

"if you fully know the person, his/her ways, attitude, character, you will have a greater understanding to that person"
Very true. You can not fully know a person's attitude and character without knowing them in person. This is why telling someone you love them without ever meeting them is fake love, a feeling that may quickly change when you actually meet the person and get to know the person. Internet or phone "love" without meeting and knowing the person is shallow, it is not and can not be real as you can not really love a person without knowing the person. On the internet or phone you do NOT know the person, you only know what that person tells you. Do you believe the words of a TV advertisement wanting to sell you something? I hope not. Do you believe the written words of a magazine advertisement wanting to sell you something? I hope not. Do you believe the spoken or written words of a person you never met, 8000 miles away, tell you / sell you "love" ? I hope not.