Online'Dating' scam issues - all is not what it seems (Or?)

[mitch1989]

so sad to hear that...i hate scammers...!

[DavidM]

This scamming issue is probably going to be a hard topic for me because I love to help. Just look at the story of the girl on 200-6. Her story is a little forward, but my heart goes out to her. I am just going to have to pray for a lot of wisdom. What she listed as a monthly income wouldn't even pay for a gym membership here. It makes me sad and to feel bad because of where I was born. I just have to trust that both situations can be used to bring God glory.

[DavidM]

I've been up late reading various sites and eventually landed on http://dragonladies.org. Interesting to say the least. It's really making me second guess whether all of it's worth the risk of trying to find the right girl that's not a scammer and then later establishing boundaries around scamming family back home. Scary.

[Edwin]

Yes, DavidM, wages are very low in the Philippines from what I understand. I think in some parts of the Philippines skilled labor pays about $6.00 a day. After graduating from College many take jobs out of their field for whatever they can get. If you don't have a college education in the Philippines you can hardly make enough money for your transportation and your lunch. Some I think have it much harder than others. I think for many growing vegetables and animals helps them. I don't think it costs as much to live in the Philippines as say in the USA. It takes a lot of money to live in the USA, so we need to make more just to live. It is nice to have enough to sustain us. The Bible tells us that we are to be content with food and raiment. Sometimes we want or think we need just a little more.

[DavidM]

As far as skepticism.. I suppose it's healthy to have some. The eyes are the window to the soul. I guess it was natural for me to get a little discouraged after reading about the worst kind for an hour or two, but I'm ok now =)

[Smiley]

As far as skepticism.. I suppose it's healthy to have some. The eyes are the window to the soul. I guess it was natural for me to get a little discouraged after reading about the worst kind for an hour or two, but I'm ok now =)

A little is healthy. . . a lot is healthier.Don`t forget, you are basically reading an online ad.I have a side business that involves marketing online. Every day I see a couple thousand ads,most of which offer the impossible.

I am not implying that all of the profiles are made with the intent to defraud.I would actually say that the majority of the posters are really looking for someone to spend a future with but it might be difficult to come to terms with what the future might consist of once it becomes your daily reality.Also, be honest with yourself about why you might be looking online as well.
You really have to ask yourself what each of you are bringing to the relationship.How have each of you fared in your past relationships and why.What would people that you have been closely involved with say about you ? Would they recommend you as a good catch or warn someone away? Based on your actual past performance, how do you handle the daily ups and downs of a relationship? Why should this other person want to commit to a lifetime with you?Would you really want to commit to a lifetime with this particular person? If so tell yourself why that is.
While I was in Manilla,before the internet changed everything I would from time to time run into someone that had paid for a tour to meet potential spouses.It was pretty sad to see for the most part.There were some exceptions though.Some marriages from those days are still intact today,and strongly so.
Everything works differently for different people. Two things to ask yourself : Will I be able to make this person happy and content for a lifetime,happy that we share a life? the other is Will this person be able to make me happy and content for a lifetime,happy that we share a life? You need a lot of information to answer those two questions. I doubt that anyone will get that information via emails or letters

[Edwin]

The wonderful thing about this forum is that it gives people a chance to see what other people are like, and how their think process works. People do reveal themselves after a while in what they write. You might have to read them for a while, and you might have to read between the lines, but this is very revealing, and people do reveal themselves whether they want to or not. I would suggest if you find someone you are interested in, encourage them to get on this site and do some posting. They could post a few pictures, tell about their daily lives, tell about how they react to various subjects. Everyone has things they want to hide about themselves, and you need to find out what those things are, and then decide if you can live with them. Everyone wants to put their best foot forward; they want to paint the best image of themselves possible, and your job it to see through that image, to learn what they are not telling you. This is not saying anything bad about anyone, because all of us are that way. Just think about yourself. What is it that you are hiding, or that you don't want everyone to know? If you are on here long enough you end up telling those things to other people. If we love each other and are friends, we do not look down on anyone for those things, but we just learn about the real person. The more of your real self you project the better off the other person is, and if they will do that too, then you will both be better for it. I think the more time you can spend with the other person the better. Get to know them, chat, write, and spend time.

[fenmoor]

David,

I sympathize with you on that one. I read that profile as well and probably would have contacted her if her listing was not 6 years old. No idea what she is like now... I guess that is my only complaint here... one that thye have addressed recently. They are now listing when the profile was put up, so you do not have to wonder. Especially since some are intermingled with older ones.

But after 6 years I doubt most of what she wrote still applies, maybe it does, who knows.

I happen to be a big ole softy too, and one thing that helps me to remember is... They managed to survive without you this long and ohter year or 2 will not kill them. If I had my druthers I would probably be starving since I tend to be a softie... So bad that I avoid putting myself in situations where I might have to make a choice etc...

So I sympathize with you and hope for the best for you. Just remember to keep your eyes open. One of the things I like most about this site is the number of ladies who CAN'T come to the computer every day... I think that says a lot about what they are doing with their time, although if you do develop feelings, it will quickly become frustrating to someone from the US. We are used to picking up a phokne and contacting whoever we want instantly.... not so much in the Philippines.

Bill

[Edwin]

You just have to try to get hold of them and then find out what still applies with them. I am sure some things will have changed as they have finished school, moved, changed jobs, and other possible changes. If things have changed immensley then they should update their profiles. Some of the ones who have been listed for so long a period of time maybe have even forgotten that they are listed. It would be interesting to learn what is happening to some of them after such a long period of time. For some of the young ladies, maybe very little has changed, and they are still, working, going to school, waiting, hoping, praying; you never know. Look into it, if you want to.

[DavidM]

Thanks for the replies, guys.

Bill, I'm sure that how you described communication could get real frustrating. I'm pretty much on the computer every day since I work using them, and you are right I have gotten spoiled being able to send instant communications all the time. I kind of wonder what it would be like to live on an island like that growing crops and catching fish. Tom Hanks looks like he was doing pretty good at it on Cast Away, but he only had Wilson to talk to =P

Edwin, people put their best foot forward and so do I. I'm hoping that foot stays out there lol. Regarding the age of profiles, I learned fairly quick that some of them were aged. I agree it would be interesting to know where they are now.

Smiley, I have given thought to why I'm looking online and I like to keep a clean slate of honesty to myself and God. I work in an international company, and there are a lot of beautiful and single women there. We get lots of short and long-term work visas from various places. My role brings me into contact with just about everyone eventually, so I spend a lot of time socializing. This is what I've run into, and I'm not trying to stereotype or seem important. The women who have been consistently the sweetest and most pleasant to be around are the foreign women. I've met women from India, Germany, Sierra Leone, Bosnia, Croatia, France, London, UK, China, Japan, Saudi Arabia, Korea, Vietnam, Malaysia, Philippines, Mexico, Hawaii, and probably more. Wow, I didn't realize until just now what a wide assortment that is. Out of all of them, the ones from the Philippines have been the most down to earth and personable one I have met. They are so easy to be around, Christian, and have great families. I have two of them at work that I'm friends with right now and I always catch one of them running around with her shoes off. That is just too cool in my book lol. I'm not saying that it's impossible to find something like that here, but I think it's less likely. I'd like to increase my odds a little =)