What can you say?

[Smiley]

Hi Red: I don`t know anything about this guy other than what I have read here.
It appears that rather than handling his own problems he has made himself the center of attention to Paula,Ernie and who knows who else.
You reap what you sow Sounds like a bunch of pointless drama.

Two Kinds Of Problems......

- My Problem

-Not My Problem

This is clearly not my problem.
However, Crisi is our friend. Her unhappiness over this does become our issue to an extent.I hope that this all works out for her sake. I do not want to see her wounded because of her empathy for her friends.She deserves better than to be dragged into this.

[red]

I agree you smiley. It certainly not our prob but a little suggestion wont hurt for miss crispipata. Lol. Hope all goes well to crisis friends.

[Edwin]

Okay, Emi, Paula, and the guy are the characters. God only knows why Emi did what she did. It has been suggested that Emi might have feeling or desires for the one she is telling things, and then saying please don't tell Paula. That is suspicious. Emi shouldn't be telling the guy that Paula has been lying, casting doubt of Paula's good character, but her reputation is being damaged. Paula needs to do what ever she has to, to break the communication between Emi and the guy, including telling the guy not to pay any attention to anything that Emi says, because obviously, Emi has some kind of agenda, of which we are not sure, but one thing we can be sure of is that it is damaging to Paula and the guy as well, because he is being led to believe something that is not true that casts doubt on Paula's good character. The guy needs to approach Paula and ask her what is going on, because Paula has no idea what is being said to the guy until the guy tells Paula what is being said. The guy needs to ask Paula about this, and Paula then has a chance to defend herself. Paula will tell the guy the truth, and the guy hopefully will except the explanation, and believe Paula because of his confidence in Paula over the past. Paula needs to tell the guy after he approaches her about the subject, "Believe you me, this is the way it is." Then the guy should accept that because he is the one with Paula, and not Emi.

[Edwin]

"So, she or he is doing things beyond she must not tell. Now, he or she said to the guy, he must not tell paula of what Emie shared to him or her. What is she tying to do? Just like, she cut you on your back with a knife while you are not there. what kind of person is he or she?"

We call this kind of a person a back stabber. It doesn't even make sense that someone is asked for advice, or to help in a situation, and then that person says unkind, untrue things about the other person to the guy, and then says, don't tell the person I am trying to help that I told you this. There is something very fishy and rotten smelling going on here!

"How would you feel? That afterall you trusted her or him? Then he or betrayed you. Now, because of this, the person trust Emie and said to Paula that she is a liar or he is not trusting Paula anymore. Then they become separated."

That person does not deserve trust and can't be trusted because you have been betrayed by that person. The guy should have more trust than that. When told don't tell Paula, that should signal a warning that something is wrong about what Emi is saying. Like believe me, but don't believe that other person. When Emi said don't tell, but believe what I am saying, Emi is becoming a trouble maker.

"If you are the guy, will you keep the secret between you and Emie? And not to tell Paula at all? Or will you ask Paula and have the nerve to ask her if all these things are true and make clarification about the matter?"

No, I would not agree to keep a secret told to me in such a way. If I were the guy, I would confront Paula, and tell her this is what Emi told me, and she told me not to tell you. What do you have to say about that? Would you please explain this to me? Is there any truth to this?

"If you are Paula, how would you react to Emie whom you trusted and ask for wisdom and guidance?"

I would not share any more information with Emie. I would not trust Emie anymore for wisdom and guidance. I would try to protect my guy from any communications with Emie. Explaining everything to the guy should help. It also might help to ask the guy why he thought that Emie asked him not to tell Paula? Why not tell Paula? This is like asking him believe me, but don't tell, because you might find out the truth. This is the way people operate who are trying to cause trouble.



crisipicada

Posts: 1297
Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2010 4:07 am
Private message

[fenmoor]

Crisi,

What a crappy situation. I assume that the relationship we are talking about is a long distance one. That being the case it is SOOOO hard to regain trust that you have lost when you have nothing physical to judge with.

First of all Emie is a rabid dog and the only thing to do with rabid dogs is to shoot them and put them out of their misery. Since Paula cannot do that, or she goes to jail, she should "kill her" from her life... Emie cannot be trusted with anything. Faithful in the small things faithful in all things... works the other way around too.

The guy.. "Guy" is in a VERY tough spot. First of all if I am relying on Paula for emotional support and not Emie, then what Paula tells me will have more weight with me than what Emie tells me. However, Emie has entered in a grain of doubt into the relationship that must be eliminated. If I were Guy I would ask Paula what the deal was? Now I do not think Paula praying about a possible future with Guy is a lie in the first place. It is simply a relationship evolving ... and a person not completely certain where it is at the time. SO Paula needs to tell Guy, "We have been talking for a while and I have always been there for you. As we have talked I have started thinking that something more than friends might be possible, so I am praying to God about it... I feel I might be becoming attracted to you... what do you think about that?"

Simple, straight forward and too the point. Personally, I would be flattered not angry at Paula, so as Guy I would either say, well sorry Paula, I just am not thinking of you that way, or I would say Great .. lets's dance I do not think "praying to God" about a POTENTIAL relationship is deceiving or wrong in any way.

I do not see Paula doing anything wrong here, unless she has lied about something. Developing feelings for someone you are sharing intimate pains and details of their lives is perfectly normal, and ALL relationships evolve. Would it be better if Paula THINKS she MIGHT have feelings for Guy and blurt it out without contemplating it? Without thinking about it to make certain the feelings are real? No way, not if she cares for Guy. If she was completely selfish she might jump before she thought about it, but if she really has HIS and her interests at heart, she should NOT say anything until she is certain.

But in any case, Emie no longer exists for Paula.

BIll

[Edwin]

If you are playing match maker your role is to introduce the one person to the other, or both people to each other. In that case there is no reason to misrepresent either person, or put either one of them in a bad light. If you feel like putting a person in a bad light then you shouldn't be doing the introductions. You get people together that you think are suited for each other; a good match, and will compliment each other. If you are introducing two people then you should be glad to be either person.

If you are giving a person advice about a relationship you might tell them what you honestly think, and then let them decide how they think. A person shouldn't make assumptions about what is going on with people, but get feedback from them about what is happening, and then especially don't carry tales to the other party, and then tell them not to tell the person you are supposed to be helping that you said such and such. I think in the scenerio, Emie was hoping that the guy would have mistrust for Paula, and not communicate that to her, but just quietly leave Paula, maybe even to become attached to Emie?

[red]

Is it the same as love triangle?

[Edwin]

Yes, when two people love each other, and then the third gets in there to try to get a piece of the action. That does not work very well, as some people get hurt in deals like that. This is like two are company, but three are a crowd. This happens often with kids as two will be playing and the third doesn't work that well, not always, but sometimes.

[crisipicada]

I appreciate your comment, here. Thank you so much for your words and at least now I am be very careful of telling someone about my personal life. Rest assured that personal things that need to keep it by self must be between you and the one who confide to you. Just give wisdom and advise and not to make trouble.

Sometimes, good intention will not always turn out good at all. Sometimes it will hurt someone also. So sad.

[Smiley]

You now know something that a lot of people never seem to figure out. It is called 'Personal business' for a reason.When personal stuff becomes public knowledge things seldom go smoothly or end well.
Telling anybody a secret that has been entrusted to you is also a very dangerous thing. Do you really expect someone to keep a secret that you can`t keep? The person that once trusted you may never trust you again.
You have done well on this one Crisi. Good job!