Negative Tendencies in Dating

[Edwin]

I agree with you, Smiley, and I think that most of the people here would agree that the check list idea is not a good one. This one gal stating her specifications for the guy she hoped to land was within reason; I mean she was not particularly exclusive in what she was listing, and I imagine that she would probably give on a point or two anyway, but it really tickled me when she mentioned what she expected his teeth to be like, and then the other poster asked her if she was buying a horse! Really struck me funny! Anyway I don't think it was really a negative thing she was writing, but it is funny the way it came across, and the reaction from the other guy writing the post.

I think the check lists can be too restrictive, and sometimes they eliminate great prospects. None of us are perfect, so a complete check list would eliminate all of us, and I think you are correct, Smiley, that they probably wouldn't even pass their own checklist!

[Edwin]

King Solomon said in Proverbs that there is a time and a place for everything under the sun. There is a time to be born, and there is a time to die. Also there is a time for a lot of other things that happen in life. You are right Crisi, that God has a perfect time, and when that time comes you will get married. I stress and feel badly sometimes when someone dies, and say, "Why did they have to die now?" Sometimes I question why wasn't their death prevented. We had a lady, Christian, Superintentent of our small school where we used to live, who died in an airplane crash. There were a number of mistakes that made that happen. One was that the pilot forgot to retract his wheels/tires after taking off at a landing strip. Then when he landed in the lake, the wheels being down caused the airplane to flip. A heart surgeon from Spokane tried to get her free from her seat belt, but could not, so both of them drowned as a result. No one had a knife to cut her lose. A young lady in the back had an air bubble to allow her to breath until she was ready to make the swim, so she survived. Heart surgeon shoved his wife out of the airplane, so she survived. The pilot hit is head, bloodied his face, but he survived. The heart surgeon took too long and was unsuccessful to get the lady out, so both of them drowned and died. I was mourning their loss, and saying why wasn't something done differently, but Carol reminded me that everyone has a time to die, and it was their time to die!

"I just want to express love with my future husband and be submitted to him." What more could anyone want than that, Crisi? He will really love you!

[crisipicada]

King Solomon said in Proverbs that there is a time and a place for everything under the sun. There is a time to be born, and there is a time to die. Also there is a time for a lot of other things that happen in life. You are right Crisi, that God has a perfect time, and when that time comes you will get married. I stress and feel badly sometimes when someone dies, and say, "Why did they have to die now?" Sometimes I question why wasn't their death prevented. We had a lady, Christian, Superintentent of our small school where we used to live, who died in an airplane crash. There were a number of mistakes that made that happen. One was that the pilot forgot to retract his wheels/tires after taking off at a landing strip. Then when he landed in the lake, the wheels being down caused the airplane to flip. A heart surgeon from Spokane tried to get her free from her seat belt, but could not, so both of them drowned as a result. No one had a knife to cut her lose. A young lady in the back had an air bubble to allow her to breath until she was ready to make the swim, so she survived. Heart surgeon shoved his wife out of the airplane, so she survived. The pilot hit is head, bloodied his face, but he survived. The heart surgeon took too long and was unsuccessful to get the lady out, so both of them drowned and died. I was mourning their loss, and saying why wasn't something done differently, but Carol reminded me that everyone has a time to die, and it was their time to die!

"I just want to express love with my future husband and be submitted to him." What more could anyone want than that, Crisi? He will really love you!

Sir Edwin, I am committed to the Lord to love my future husband. I submit my life to Him what He says to love my husband to be. I desire to love my husband to be and be with him in good times and in bad times, in sickness and in health, I will be there for him. That is my commitment to the Lord. That is why if only someone will back up my love for him or for someone who really sincere in their search and be committed and submitted to God, then, with no doubt, I will give my whole heart and be with him forever in life.

[Edwin]

"Sir Edwin, I am committed to the Lord to love my future husband. I submit my life to Him what He says to love my husband to be. I desire to love my husband to be and be with him in good times and in bad times, in sickness and in health, I will be there for him. That is my commitment to the Lord. That is why if only someone will back up my love for him or for someone who really sincere in their search and be committed and submitted to God, then, with no doubt, I will give my whole heart and be with him forever in life."

Any good guy will be very lucky, blessed of God to have you Crisi! A lot of people don't realize that honoring God's word will increase their worth, and make life a lot more enjoyable. So many people are self centered, and they only live to please themselves. They end up devaluing themselves in the process. To live for God and others is the only way to true happiness!

[crisipicada]

Self control is not enough. if you advise the person to have self control, it is just going to the market with all the expensive chinaware around you. Since, you really struggle with the feelings, most of the time, you will really break those expensive wares that is being displayed.

What I am trying to say is to change your attitude about dating. I do believe that we are only true with our communication and treat people as brother and sister in Christ, then that would be a good sign to start with friendship. Later on, if you really attracted to each other, then it needs time to wait to fully know each other while you are cultivating love for each other.

[red]

as smiley said..we are unique individuals different ideas/ideals.

[Edwin]

I don't know whether you all believe in puppy love, but I do! When I was in elementary school I had more fun on Valentine's Day. That is the day that you find out who has a crush on you! I have had lots of sweet things written to me on Valentine's Day. I always loved the girls, and I had girlfriends from the time I was in the first grade. The affairs were not that serious, but I thought they were. Sometimes I could hardly study while thinking about which girl loved me! I made the mistake once, and only once, of telling one girl that I already had a girlfriend, and I didn't need her! That is the hardest I have ever been slapped in the face!!!! Later it turned out that she was a cousin of my ex-sister-in-law. We still love her, even though my brother and her have been apart for over 30 years!

[crisipicada]

I always looking to my a friend of mine who dated to a woman from Davao. When the girl visited my friend, Chris, they are so inseparable. It seems that they did not need anyone else. Sometimes, when we had our group study, Chris wont go with us because of his girlfriend. Also, Chris was often times went back to their house to spend weekend with his family because of his girlfriend. There are many cases that Chris really made low scores at school and low grades because he did not concentrate in his studies anymore and become distracted by his girlfriend from Davao. Sometimes, or often times Chris will say that, oh this is Ana - his girlfriend- said this and said such this and such that and he is foolishly and selfishly cut himself from other relationships - family, friends, classmates.

I believe that people can relate to this, and we can see that dating is all about two people focusing on each other. And most of the time, we can figure out that the world is gone and people really focus to each other. Sometimes, I feel so awkward to be with them because I become out of place. Now, I know that if two people are really forwarding to marriage, i am not saying that it is wrong to date together. It is important to know the person well. But I do believe that it is not good to isolate yourself from others in this serious relationship. I still believe that if two people are really intend to get married but no commitment at all, this focusing and isolating from others are detrimental. As Christian, it is important to take this seriously. As what we read in the Book of Proverbs 15: 22, "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed." I do believe that if we make decisions about life based solely on the influence of one relationship, we will probably make poor judgements.

"Unless a man is prepared to ask a woman to be his wife, what right has he to claim her exclusive attention? Unless she has been asked to marry him, why would a sensible woman promise any man her exclusive attention?" Elizabeth Illiot states in 'The Passion and Purity'. How many dating relationships you can see in the pasts and in this present times, that it end only to find out that other friends severed?

When Chris and his girlfriend broke up with each other, Chris realized that his other relationship - like us his classmate and family relationship - has really affected because he was so engross with his relationship with his girlfriend. He realize that feel sorry that he taken for granted his friends and family because of his girlfriend. It is a tendency that when you had into a relationships and isolate yourself with it, friends and family are set aside where in fact they are the one who really love and care for you. And sometimes, because of romantic relationship, we tend to forget God who really and truly cares for us and prepare what is best for us.

Therefore, Dating often isolates a couple from more other vital relationships.

[Edwin]

Yes, in this case, Chris and his girlfriend were actually detrimental to each other. They lost the value of their family, friends, and classmates. His grades suffered because he was too absorbed in that relationship. That was a time when Chris's priorities were mixed up. Then when Chris broke up with his girlfriend he came to realize what things were important. This type of isolation is not good. It hurts all the people who are involved. It is better to be included rather than to be excluded. There is always value to remaining part of the group, and bringing the person in, rather than going onto isolation with that person.

[crisipicada]

I do believe that while a person has no intention of pursuing a life time commitment into marriage, dating or recreational dating will cause dissatisfaction because we have no freedom of our own to enjoy what we really desire to be of effective skill or talent or what we desires in life. We become poor steward of things we are suppose to be done while still single. I am telling this not because I do not like dating, but I just really wanted to emphasize is that while single can make one to be of effective in particular thing, but dating has become the focus of the person who has no intention of life time commitment at all. While single, let us view it as an season of life with so much opportunities for growth, learning and service. While married couple cannot make things while compare to single one. Let us view singleness as a chance for us to develop ourselves to be what God wanted us to be. Dating often make a single person focus on what they do not have. Thus, it causes discontentment with God's gift of singleness.