Irritable Question Dating Online

[Smiley]

We agree again Edwin

[fenmoor]

Well when I ask the question what is on your mind it is not usually to try to find something to talk about. When I ask it, it is usually after I perceive that something is bothering the person I am speaking to. They are either distracted, or upset etc.. and I am not trying to cheaply continue the conversation but to find out the cause of their angst and hopefully assist in solving the issue.

Bill

[crisipicada]

Well when I ask the question what is on your mind it is not usually to try to find something to talk about. When I ask it, it is usually after I perceive that something is bothering the person I am speaking to. They are either distracted, or upset etc.. and I am not trying to cheaply continue the conversation but to find out the cause of their angst and hopefully assist in solving the issue.

Bill

This really make me sad actually. This happens to me while talking to someone online way back 6 months ago. He is always asking me that way and so I got irritated and then it makes my day so sad and the conversation is not getting okay. So, i just really wanted to say this so that I do not experience again next time.

[Edwin]

Most of us on here can understand that Crisi! It is good that you wrote that here just to let everyone know how you feel about that, because it is a common saying in our country, although I have heard it more, "What is on your mind," than "What is in your mind," but they both mean the same thing. As has been said many times someone will ask that as a result of seeing someone with a puzzled look on their face, then you wonder why they have that look, but there are better ways to approach that than to ask, "What is in your mind?"

[crisipicada]

Yes, I ask my friend, Girlie last night about this question. I try to be the man online and ask her or let us say, asking her in person as I am the man "What is in your mind?" She cannot answer and her mind is blank. She got irritated too. That is why, I ask her again, "Girlie, how is work today? How do you feel with all the people visit your office? How was your officemates, too? At this time, she can correspond to me good. So, it is better to ask a particular question than asking "What is in your mind".

[Edwin]

Yes, Crisi, that was a very vague and irritating question because as you say, it caused Girlie to draw a blank and be puzzled where as if you ask her questions that were specific that had real answers she was glad to answer you, and it did not bother her, in fact, she knew you were interested in her because you asked her those questions that showed concern!

[crisipicada]

Yes, Crisi, that was a very vague and irritating question because as you say, it caused Girlie to draw a blank and be puzzled where as if you ask her questions that were specific that had real answers she was glad to answer you, and it did not bother her, in fact, she knew you were interested in her because you asked her those questions that showed concern!

I do believe that how you say it and how your face reaction matters when you ask that question "What is in your mind"?

I get irritated to that for the first time somebody ask me about it way back last January. I do believe that if somebody ask you about it, and she or he is having concern to you and smiling, maybe you wont get irritated, it is just a matter of how you say it.

[Edwin]

You are right, Crisi, it is as much how you say something as what you say. There are a lot of things that play into this. There is the tone of your voice, the pitch of your voice, and also your body language, as well as your facial expressions. Saying something that shows thought and concern helps. Asking meaning questions are good. That, "What is in your mind," is really just a thoughtless empty question, and it really doesn't mean any thing. It is just a habitual saying, and it leaves you wondering if it even deserves an answer. Better to ask, "how has your day been?" Or ask, "what did you do today?" Ask something that shows you are concerned.