Divorced

[Edwin]

The subject of divorce is a difficult one. When I was young I heard people say that people divorce when they are not Christians and then they remarry and God forgives them. Our church organization until just a few years ago would not allow a divorced and remarried person to be a minister in our organization. Our church organization would not allow their ministers, myself included, to perform a ceremony for anyone with a prior marriage and a living ex husband/wife. Years ago I made many people angry with me, including my friends and relatives because I would not perform their ceremony if they had been divorced and had a living ex husband or wife. Some ministers I know performed for friends in that position or family on the sly. They did it, and no one ever looked into it, so they did not get into trouble. Our church changed its position on divorce and remarriage, so I started performing ceremonies for people no matter what their situation was as far as divorce and having living ex husbands or wives. My idea was the the organization was changing their position on it, and those people were going to get someone to perform for them, and they needed to be married legally if they were going to legally live together, so since someone was going to perform for them, it might as well be me, so I have performed many ceremonies for divorced and remarried people. My great aunt and uncle were divorced and remarried before they became Christians, and some well meaning person from the church wrote them a letter telling them they needed to leave each other and go back to their former husband/wife. Well those people were already remarried as well, and had families, so it would have caused an awful mess. My parents told them they thought it didn't even make sense that someone would suggest such a thing. For the most part divorced and remarried people in the church were not allowed to hold any kind of office, teach Sunday school class, or do anything else in the church other that sit and participate in the church service, but singing and listening. We have not attended a church of our organization for so many years, even though I am still one of their ministers, that I don't know what is happening lately in that regard. Those people may be allowed to have leadership in the church by now, I don't know?

[Edwin]

In Mark's Gospel, the Pharisees came tempting Jesus, asking Him about the subject of divorce. Jesus told the Pharisees that it was because of the hardness of their hearts that Moses allowed a writing of divorcement, but it was not that way from the beginning. God intended for the husband and wife to stay together as a married couple. The disciples of Jesus asked Him about it later when they were in the house, and Jesus told them that if a man put away his wife and married another he committed adultery against his wife. He also told them that if a woman put away her husband and married another she committed adultery against her husband.

In Matthew's Gospel, Jesus said that if anyone put away his wife, except for fornication, he causes her to commit adultery. Also Jesus said that who ever marries the divorced woman commits adultery. In Luke's Gospel Jesus basically says the same thing again as He said written in the other two gospels.

In Romans 7: Paul writes about the wife being bound to her husband as long as long as he is alive. But when he dies she is free to marry another. If she is married to another man while her husband is alive she is committing adultery. She is not guilty of committing adultery if her husband is dead, even if she is married to another man.

Those are the scriptures that talk about the divorce and remarriage issue. In Deuteronomy Moses talked about the man finding uncleanness in the woman so he give her a divorce. She was then free to marry another, but she was not free to return to him if things didn't go well, or even if her second husband died. Based on this scripture we had people who were critical of my wife's sister and brother-in-law because her brother-in-law married another woman, was with her for a period of several years, then returned to her first husband to live out the remaining years with him. These people said that they should not have gotten married again.

[Edwin]

What is my opinion about divorce and remarriage? When I was growing up our church had strong opinions and strong teachings against divorce and remarriage for any reason. I have known divorced ministers in our organization, but they did not get remarried. If they would have they would have been out of the organization. I provided transportation for a wedding party of a young couple getting married. The minister was one of the people on my bus. I learned that he had been a former Assemblies of God minister, and I was interested in him because that is my organization as well. He told me that he wanted to marry a woman who was divorced after his wife died. He gave up his credentials with the Assemblies of God as they would not allow him to be a minister and married to a divorced woman.

Carol and I both grew up with this teaching, and we took on that opinion as ours. There was a time when Carol and I had a strong disagreement, as we have had several, and Carol told me that if I wanted we could get a divorce. I was shocked that she said that, and I told her that I considered divorce wrong, and she told me that she did too, but she would agree to a divorce if that is what I wanted. So, divorce is out of the question for us. I do not believe it is God's will for us, and neither does Carol, so the Lord willing we will not be getting a divorce.

Anyway our organization has changed their view on divorce and remarriage for their ministers. At one time it was unacceptable to be divorced and remarried and minister in our church. Now if one of the marriage parters were unfaithful, the organization allows the offended party to remarry and still minister in our organization. Also as I understand if one marriage partner leaves the other, no fault of that person's, then the offended party is allowed to remarry and still hold credentials and minister in the organization. So if Carol were to leave me/divorce me, and it were not my fault, then I would be allowed to get married again. Or if I were to leave Carol, God forbid, divorce her, then she would be allowed to get married again. That is the way our organization is viewing divorce and remarriage now.

[Edwin]

All I know about this is what the scripture has to say. It appears to me that if a marriage partner is unfaithful, then the wronged person is allowed to get married again to someone else. If a marriage partner is abandoned/left/divorced, then it is like the one who did the leaving was unfaithful. Except for fornication is the wording, so I guess leaving someone is like committing fornication or adultery. I think that is the way it is looked upon.

In our society in the USA just about any reason that a couple is divorced frees them to go marry someone else. I think I heard that Richard Roberts wrote a book about second chances in relation to his divorce and remarriage. A young lady in our church used what she read in his book as inspiration to go marry a man who had been divorced and had a living wife. The young lady's parents were irrate, but she was of age, so they could do nothing to stop her. They would not talk with her after that for years, but now I think they are talking again. The parent stopped attending our church over the situation. Our minister went out on the limb and performed the ceremony after which he was no long in good graces with them.

I know what the Bible teaches about divorce and remarriage. What would my opinion be if I were in that situation, of being divorced and wanting to marry again? I don't know? I hope I am never in that situation. What do some of the rest of you think about this divorce and remarriage situation? I wish that there was something that was more definative, but what I have written about it is all I know and understand. If there has been adultery or fornication then the wronged party is allowed to marry again. Our organization is saying that if someone is abandoned/divorced with no fault of their own, then the wronged person is allowed to get married again. But for two people to say, "well, it didn't work out, so lets get a divorce." They would not be allowed to get married again, the way I think I understand scripture. If one does not want the divorce, but the other person divorces them anyway, then the person who has been wronged would be allowed to marry again. I would like to hear some opinions and justifications for divorce and remarriage? I would think that assult would/should allow the person to divorce and marry again. What other reasons/justifications would there be for divorce and remarriage?

[red]

divorcing and remarrying the same person you divorce is stupidity esp if its 2nd to 3rd time. let me get a hammer and knock it on that person.
get over with the person and move on!
person got divorced for 3 times and remarried to different person , thats fine. keep trying til you find someone that is meant for you. before entering such commitment ask for Gods guidance. usually people fall out of love because of lacking in submission to God. mske sure your decision aligns to Gods will.

[Edwin]

Well, Red, that wouldn't do any good now as both of them are dead and buried side by side, together forever! They were both high school sweethearts, and both immature. Both of them were an only child and spoiled rotten. He was into a large ranching operation which he and his parents owned. Things did not go well there, so he quit the ranching, moved to the big city, and because a police officer. Then he took a police officer's job in Colorado. While there and making his rounds he would stop at a little restaurant to have a snack. At that place he began seeing a young lady and soon they were in love! So he told his wife and three small children that it was over for them, put her on a Grey Hound bus, and sent her to her home town and her mother. He married this other woman, they had a child together, and things did not work out after a couple of years or so. He lefted/divorced that woman and moved back to their home town where his first wife was, taking a police officer's job. He and his first wife became remarried, and after a year or so he took a job with a large cattle company as he missed the ranching life. They had a hard time because he still loved other woman periodically, and there was a young daughter who was a thorn in his first wife's side! After a few years he moved back to their home town, and took a job working for a furnature sales store. After a time he took a job delivering milk on a milk route, but that did not go well because he could not remember anything, so that job ended. He was getting alziemer's disease. Within a short period of time he could not remember anything, or function in every day life. It was sad because he had always been a sharp dresser, but all of a sudden he looked shabby. He did not know what to do, or how to pass the food at the table. He died shortly after that at, if I remember correctly 52 years old. He was actually a very nice guy, and everyone liked him, but he lived a sad life. Many years later his wife died at 80 years old. She also ended up losing her mind, which was very sad. Life is sad sometimes, and things that happen like that make me feel badly. But God has everything in His control! He will take care of us if we trust Him!

[Edwin]

A news reporter asked an old couple, "How did you manage together for 65 years? The woman replied, "We were born in a time when if something was broken we would fix it, not throw it away."

Carol and I will have been married 44 years the last day of this month. That was a bad weekend to get married and try to find a motel on the road, on our honeymoon as that was the Labor Day weekend holidy, and neither one of us thought of that!

One couple in their nineties was getting a divorce. The 98 year old man found a love letter to his wife from someone else from the 1940s or 50s, and because of it he was divorcing his 90 something year old wife.

This couple had been married for 45 years, and he went into the icu, shot and killed her. I am not sure whether he was putting her out of her misery, or his misery!

There are some failures and some success stories. I know this is a touchy subject and it offends some people. It affects all of us because we have friends, family, and relatives who have been in the divorce and remarriage cycle. It is sad no matter whose fault it was.

[crisipicada]

A news reporter asked an old couple, "How did you manage together for 65 years? The woman replied, "We were born in a time when if something was broken we would fix it, not throw it away."

Carol and I will have been married 44 years the last day of this month. That was a bad weekend to get married and try to find a motel on the road, on our honeymoon as that was the Labor Day weekend holidy, and neither one of us thought of that!

One couple in their nineties was getting a divorce. The 98 year old man found a love letter to his wife from someone else from the 1940s or 50s, and because of it he was divorcing his 90 something year old wife.

This couple had been married for 45 years, and he went into the icu, shot and killed her. I am not sure whether he was putting her out of her misery, or his misery!

There are some failures and some success stories. I know this is a touchy subject and it offends some people. It affects all of us because we have friends, family, and relatives who have been in the divorce and remarriage cycle. It is sad no matter whose fault it was.

For Christian, we believe that marriage is a life time. But due to different culture and perspective, people will get divorced aside for unfaithfulness. No matter what happen, being married is a life time commitment. God did not allow divorce for the first place, but because humans are so hard headed, God allow it or just what we call "permissive will" in other words "Pinugus".

In the book of I Corinthians, it states there that, we must respect the human law and the people in the government.

And here is the delima, Will someone get divorced aside from unfaithfulness and follow the law (just like in western countries) or be committed to the vow that you have said "for better or for worst, in sickness and in health, for poorer or richer, til death do us part"?

[Edwin]

Yes, Crisi, marriage is for life. Yes, it is a delima to follow the law, like you said, or be committed to the vows taken. I heard a joke about this one time. Someone said that they did agree for better or for worse, but they said it got worse than that!

[mtlaurel530]

Hello,
Divorce causes pain and it takes so many years to get through the guilt of leaving a marriage not because you were not committed but because both persons were not well matched in so many levels and had the courage to leave after 20yrs.Most times Filipinas are long suffering.I've been divorced for more than 10 years and have learned to live alone.Finally I've found peace and contentment.It would be nice to have a friend/companion at my age (61 yrs) to travel,have fun,converse,dance etc and see how it evolves.
I'm new here but my profile is with Jaderune.