Would You Marry Again If You Had the Chance?

[Edwin]

Smiley, I think it is noble that you tried all your options before you agreed to a divorce. Some people do not try their options, but they are set on doing what they want regardless of the results. What you said, Smiley, about considering how others will be affected is great too, because you are right about others including children, siblings, parents, all relatives and friends being affected. Both people need to have a commitment to make it work.

[Smiley]

Thanks guys: I dont want to come across as if I were whining or sniveling but it just got to where I could not carry the whole load myself. Every day was a new ambush or a new ultimatum.Every month was worse than the one before.I do not feel guilty about the divorce.

[Edwin]

Yes, Smiley, ambushes and ultimatums would be hard to take after a while, and especially when they were getting worse each month. For one person to carry the whole load would be difficult. It takes two people working together to make it work. There also needs to be some joy and happiness in it as well!

[mystic]

Just my 2 pennies thought. We usually see the women hit, mistreated, etc. I can say that it often happens to men too. They are just more unwilling to recognize it, fearing that the others will laugh at them.

I have no shame to say that I experienced anything possible, included being beaten by my mate and menaced with a knife. But I did not divorce from her for that. I divorced because after 7 years she changed her mind and didn't want children, and I could not see my duty toward God fulfilled without children. Well, I could not live with that thought.

After that experience, for a long time I didn't want to hear the word "marriage" again. Indeed, who assures us that it will be eternal? If the vow would ensure that it is really eternal, in the good and the bad, I would do it at once. The issue is not when you find yourself in the good or in the bad, because if the situation is external, it is normal, and you can work on it. But when the bad comes inside the family... that should not happen and it is not in our control, sometimes. When you take the vow, you are usually not imagining to find your loved one with a knife in her hand menacing you. You think of other external bad situations, thinking that the two of you will be united and strong in fighting to win every obstacle.
Well, one can accept even violence, like I did. But maybe there can be something that... makes all burst, like for me the children issue.

At the end, inside I miss the good marriage, but I would dare to do it again only with the really right one, with clear signs of God that she is my destined one. I am the old style kind of person, who learned that a woman should not be hit, not even with a flower. I never like to argue. I like to be caring, warm hearted ... But sometimes the opposites attract. So... with those values I am the one in the weak position, and I find my opposite, i.e. an abusive woman taking advantage of my lack of reaction back to her. I learned that instead the soulmate should be similar to me, like a sister.

Well, I am reducing the topic too much to stereotypes. It's much more complex. I cannot say that I chose a completely different girl, because if we had nothing in common, it would not have worked. But obviously there were also some incompatibilities. I think the most correct answer is if one person is ego-centric or listen to the others. If one day love is not so strong, it becomes like a game. And the couple should always be mature enough not to engage in that game. Respect should always be at the foundation.

Then, concerning the question, if love decreases... what will happen? I don't believe in a love only made by feelings or passion. It is something that builds everyday, knowing the other person each day more and appreciating him/her more. Every act together makes a remembrance. Done constantly over the years makes the other person your complete reference... the story of your entire life. Who is so crazy to renounce to his same self? I don't think that love fades away. The love that I am referring to, can only increase with time. Of course, early emotions and feelings change, but that has a physical reason. I see it only partly connected with the concept of love. If one has a strong connection with God and nurtures a true love, I think that his/her feelings are at his/her service. If they decrease, in a moment he/she can revive them.

[wayne208]

I would Love to Marry again with the right Lady .. That is why I am Here to Meet Nice Ladies who Have both God and Love in their Heart ..Mystic I feel for You as I went through the same thing to a Degree .. Only My Ex had a Gun in Her hand .. I also had a Good friend whose wife Beat Him Up .. I mean Physically Beat Him Up .. Then She would Make fun of him for Not being More of a Man ?? She was My Ex Wives Best friend .Big Surprise .She even said She would beat Me and a Friend of Mine up .. My Friend who Had 4 Sisters informed her That if She hit Either of Us He would Make Sure she went to Jail .My Friends Cousin was a Policeman. That Stopped Her for awhile .. But Finally Her Husband Had to Divorce Her Because He felt No Love for her .I think He felt Only Fear of Her . He finally found a Good Lady with Love and God in Her heart ..Love is Out their We Just Have to Find it

[crisipicada]

Yes, me I really wanted to get married very soon but in God's time. I just really wanted to start a life that is in accordance to the will of God. I know that to obey is to have happiness and joy. ANd there is no other way, as the song goes, "to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey."

There are a lot of temptation over the world. Some people would offer this and that as long as you will marry him/her. But actually not into the plan of God. Out of the will of God is a waste of time and energy , it is living a useless life. It is best to follow His will even it meant to suffer because in the end, He prepares greater.

It is my desire to have kids, too. My nephew, Alexis, he is 10 years old now, I treat him as my own son. I call him "anak" because i took care of him since birth, and now that i did not stay in their house, i still long to be with him and to tutor him every night. I call my sister's phone just to talk to him. I really enjoy having kids, in the future. To raise them a godly life and to live a godly life, too.

[wayne208]

Crisi .. I think You will make a Great Mom.. You have a Great Heart and a Great Love of God ..May God Always watch Over You and Your Whole Family

[Edwin]

Crisi, "Trust and Obey" is a wonderful song, and I play it on the piano every so often. It does have great words that mean a lot. It is the only way to be happy in Jesus, to trust and obey. Some want to trust, but they don't want to obey, while others have a hard time trusting. We must trust and obey! Children are a blessing from the Lord!

[mystic]

Well, for me it has always been an out of reach dream to find a girl to grow spiritually together. I like to study God's word, get engaged in mystical practices, develop and keep always a special relation with God. For this reason I started to learn Hebrew and walked a long path. Well, for me it was an unbelievable path of discoveries, but I understand that it is just a small bite of God's ways.

I think that it would be really a blessing to grow in that path with somebody special. Because 2 persons can always see better than one, correct each other, and fly higher. And the gifts of God are meant for the "complete person", or what I saw being called "one man woman" (the first time I met this expression was in a Filipino site, strangely).

In my past I applied a different rule in my relationships. Maybe it was right, maybe it was wrong. I would like to hear your opinions. One of my teachers told me: "Keep your mate away from your studies. This is not something that women should discuss, or you will get in trouble". This is a little in line with the trend in the Bible that women should not discuss about politics, spiritual matters, etc., but just stay in an angle and obey. In the Sinagogue there is still a separation between men and women, and women are not allowed to get a complete religious training.

I think the main point of this is that, if you have quarrels with your mate at ordinary (material) things... somehow you can cope with it and take your steps. Instead, if you are growing spiritually with somebody, and that person becomes your spiritual enemy... then you are really in big troubles. I cannot imagine the impact that this can have over the mind and heart of a person. Well... some I can imagine, because I had a mate once walking in part the path with me... and it was devastating. It can easily lead you to a crisis with God... that is really inaceptable.

But this "separation" (i.e. letting your mate out of spiritual matters) did not work and was used against me. The moments of prayer were a means to see her angry, because "I was doing stupid things, wasting my time, not doing something useful for the family". Until in the court they wrote that "I was doing black magic" and "I think that I am the Pope".

So, I don't think now that keeping away your mate from part of your life is right. Probably it made me end up in wrong choices. But I didn't find a "godly" woman either... so there was not much choice anyways. It's a complicate topic, and it implies more complicate decisions. How to you feel about it?

[crisipicada]

How do you define godly person?