Would You Marry Again If You Had the Chance?

[mystic]

How do you define godly person?

I would say in its simplest form: the person who walks in the paths of God.

Then, there are two types of persons, provided that walking in the paths of God is factual (I'm not considering many categories as for example those who go to church just to wash their sins on Sunday, and on Monday they start again with their sins; and they think that this is enough for their conscience).

Most (1st type) just think that walking in God's ways means keeping His rules. And they try to live a holy life. But they will refuse to see beyond the rigid path that is shown to them.

A few (2nd type) also seek a direct experience of the Lord. That's the mystical way, as the one I am trying to walk. This is what I define being active spiritual seekers. I do not differentiate between the two words "religion" and "spirituality". For me, religion cannot be something static (like for the 1st type), but it must be lived, work its transformations and miracles, etc. It must be occasion of growth in the Lord, and this is what I would seek in a mate.

Dunno if this will upset somebody, but the first type seems a "brain" way to be godly. The second type seems a way by heart. I think that the 2nd type also has the characteristics of the 1st type, but the 1st type lacks the characteristics of the 2nd type. So... I would say that a "godly" person is a person with a "pure heart".

This is the same as my thought about prayer. I think the Lord welcomes more a sincere prayer coming from an open and pure heart, than a prayer out of cerimonial, reading, etc.

[crisipicada]

During my high school days, I stay in my sister's house. I took care of my niece and nephews. I helped my sister in the house chores. I work to her so that I can have daily allowance and also to be able to go to school. There are times we crack pilinut and sell at school at five pesos per pack. I sell coconut and banana inorder to have daily need to use. Most of my niece and nephews, I took care of them since birth. I also witness how hard my sister labor and walked with her while she was about to deliver the baby. Sad to say that she was not treated well with her husband. He beat my sister, slap her face in front of me, and the worst is sometimes my brother in law just give her fare to go to the school.

That is one of the reasons, why I am afraid of getting married. Plus, I came from a broken family wherein my parents got separated for 14 years. They always quarrel and fights. They yell to each other, and have no peace in the house. My late father was so strict. They always have disagreements to the point that they end up quarrel. Who wants to have that kind of life?

My environment and experience in life makes me still single. It is hard for me to trust and seems hard for me to believe.

My officemates keeps on telling me and asking me when to get married. I just answered "in God's time". Others keep on teasing me. Then when i get irritated, I always give examples like: well it is better to stay single than double trouble. It is better to stay single than to have children that become pregnant without husband. It is better to stay single than to have a son that live in with a woman and got pregnant. It is alot of pressure and problems. So, I would rather stay single than to have that. What do you think? I ask, them. They just keep quiet because most of my officemates have son who married early because he impregnated a woman. An officemate of mine, his daughter got pregnant now still in teenager and always in and out in the hospital because of depression and high blood pressure.

So better trust the Lord and wait patiently.

[mystic]

They always quarrel

Please, define what quarrel means for you (in general).

As an input, I will give a brief classification:

1. The couple discusses something and then usually agrees on a solution.
2. The couple discusses often and does not come to a solution; each one tries in vain to explain his/her reasons, but at the end they respect and just keep with the different views.
3. One of them, or both, raise their voice. Each tries to impose their thinking on the other.
4. They sometimes come to hands, but they to it in a mild way, and it is just a more colorful show of their thought, but they have no bad intentions.
5. They come to hands and hurt each other.

Also, I would like to know: Can Point 2 be called psychological violence and harrassing in your idea, or do you find natural that communication is tried, even if it might seem bad or boring?

I am afraid of getting married

Crisi, you should fear only God, and nothing else around you. You know He will be with you in everything. You should not forsake your life because of fears. If you give power to the external casualities (what the Jews call "the other side") through fearing them, you reinforce those casualities and your ego. If you consider it well, you are afraid because your ego is afraid to be hit. Instead, you should fully surrender to the Lord.

Don't take me wrong, I am with you with your reasoning, which is always very admirable. The others on the forum can correct me, if I say something inopportune.
Nobody of us (you included) can avoid the trials that the Lord gives us. Many things that you try to figure out might become useless, because until you are in a situation, you don't really know how it is. For example, imagine that you have a baby. This might trigger (it is very subjective) certain biological mechanisms that will force you to have certain survival impulses and thoughts that you could never figure out now. You could find yourself arguing with your mate for things you would never have imagined. Your focus could shift all at once to things you never thought before.

What I am trying to say is that there are many things you should not worry too much (you should actually lighten them), and others that are the key of success. In my modest opinion (I could be wrong, of course), I think that some keys are: full committment, even in your changing moods always remembering who loves you and is at your side, being always one with our Creator and yourself, not doing anything against the family (which represents God's gift), accepting the good and bad times, always work for the supreme Good. Well, you wrote some good lists about.

Nobody is perfect, and nobody can assure you perfection (except God). But maybe it is still possible to take the oath in the good and the bad... and even have a happy life, loving something that is imperfect. At the end, it's obvious that your other half should be imperfect, as you are imperfect (a single half is always lacking the other half, thus being imperfect). Only the reunited halves can hope for the godly perfection.

Sorry for the long post!

[crisipicada]

It is instinct to a person to have fear. Fear is innate in human being. Fear develop in me because of the environment and the things that I have experienced and have been observed in many marriages today. I do not like that. That is why, it needs to fully know the person. Also, it needs maturity to get into marriage life.It is not for the kids, it is for the grown up. Sometimes, things that happen in the relationship not only the things that we see, but also the spiritual side. Like, for instance, as a Christian, I know for sure that our adversary the devil wanted to kill, to steal and to destroy the life of human being so that he cannot hear and accept the gift of salvation. Or even Christians, the devil will always make his best to ruin the lives of people. That is why, it is good to have a husband or wife that is mature spiritually. As my brother in law asked my sister who getting bad mood, "did you pray to day"? That is a good respond to any situation. That is only one. HOpe my explanation is understood.

[Edwin]

Crisi, there is a church song/hymn that I play on the piano every so often. It is, "Did You Remember to Pray Ere You Left This Morning." I may not have that title exact, but it is close. Did you remember to pray before you left this morning? That is a good question for all of us, and it might help our day to go better. Yes, Crisi, your fears are natural and logical considering your background, and you are right that we must trust God and look to Him to guide us!