Hints for a Healthy Marriage

[Edwin]

A forgiving heart is very important. From my past experience as a teacher, teachers need to be forgiving. First of all often the students do not measure up to the teacher's expectations, and it can be very frustrating for the teacher. If there is something wrong in the relationship it is doubly important to be forgiving. Just as with the teacher and the students, each person needs to be forgiving of the other person not measuring up to the expectations.

[crisipicada]

I try to think positive now. I try to find out and be observant what makes a healthy marriage.

Having respect, knowing how to treat your partner (husband or wife) well, what are her or his likes you to do for him or her will bring good marriage.

Having a good communication is very important. Talking about things and concerns will help also. I am not married, so to those who are married and have a wonderful relationship to each other, please share.

[red]

I believe in communication but sometimes that can be eliminated due to pride and anger. So those negatives characters should be worked out.
I also believe in opposite attracts. There is this saying "the beautiful is for the ugly" the weak is for strong". And i like that because each of us has weaknesses but with your partner's help in which he is strong on that part you will be enhanced.
Like for instance, i go organic medicine. I practice drinking ginger and garlic tea. My husband hated it. It surprised me that he is also starts drinking it before bedtime. And that tickles my heart.

[mystic]

"the beautiful is for the ugly" the weak is for strong"

Yes, but then there is always a strong one exercising his strength over the weak. I would place this kind of relation more in the "infatuation" gender rather than in true "love". Usually it doesn't last much, in my idea. It is just the ideal that the two complete each other... but in the true they end up quarreling for their differences.

[crisipicada]

Yes, I do believe that. It is good that you have weaknesses and the other will help you improve it. I have so many weaknesses in life. Like, I become emotional. Well, females are weaker vessel. Also, I easily get discourage. and so I need someone to encourage me too.

[Edwin]

You are both right, Crisi and Red about the marriage partners complementing each other. We can help each other have what is needed. If one is weak and the other is strong, the strong one can help the weak one. If one is tired and the other is full of energy, the one full of energy can help get things accomplished. Red, you helped your husband see the light on the organic medications, and that is good. We can help each other to have a happier life by doing for that other person what he or she can't do for him/herself. Also the encouragement of one of the marriage partners by the other is of great value!

[Edwin]

Our state of Washington, USA voted for gay or lesbian marriages. Many descent people tried to have that law repealed, but the people favoring gay and lesbian marriages had more money for their campaigns than did the side to define marriage as a contract between a man and a woman. It is sad that we lost on that, but all that money helped them win their case. I just read an article from a person reacting to our losing that fight, and that person said that we did not lose because the people voting or it were in favor of gay and lesbian marriages, but they voted for it so they would not be accused of hating gay and lesbian people. Well, for sure God favors marriage between a man and a woman, and people opposing that are living in defiance of God and His principles, and one thing we can be sure of is that God will win in the end, so we just need to live to please God, and everything will be okay, because God still has everything in His control!

[crisipicada]

They said, one thing to have a happy marriage is that you know each other through friendship. Of course, being having a good heart and be honest to each other is also another. And also, do not think any bad or agenda to your partner in the future. What is important is that you are honest, have good heart, accept someone even he or she has flaws in life, and really to love someone unconditionally. That means, you love him/her of who he/she is, and not what he/she has.

[Edwin]

God loves us even though we flaws, and we must love each other even with the flaws. Another big mistake that people often make is that they think that they can change their marriage partner once they are married. Let me tell you, that you will not change your marriage partner; God will, but you will not. So what often happens is that people get married, and after a few weeks or months, when the other person doesn't measure up, then the person bails out on them.

Crisi, you mentioned friendship going before marriage, and your marriage partner should be your best friend. My brother old me many years ago, when he was in his early 20s and I was a teenager, that friends take each other in context. If someone doesn't behave to suit you, they might be having a bad day, not feel well, have a head ache or have things bothering them, and then you try to understand them. You also consider their background, their history, and have some understanding that way also. You have to allow your marriage partner to be him/herself, and that will help a great deal!

[Gary2310]

I think that it is wishful to believe that all people actually think about love and marriage in much the same way. In reality, however, this just is not the way it is. Love and marriage have somewhat different meanings to different people.

I don't think love relationships are ever simple, and that's because the human dimension is very complex. The way we think about such things as love and marriage is greatly influenced by our experiences in life and by the culture that we are part of. And so, it can be difficult to find that very special someone you are meant to be with...Someone that you are compatible with in ways that will truly bond both of you [happily] for a lifetime.

It's been said "marriage takes work"...Or, "couples need to work at being couples". Maybe it's a novel idea that I have, but I don't feel that you should have to "work at" living with the one you truly love. Raising a family...Yes, that's takes work...Earning a living to support your family...Absolutely, that's takes plenty of work. But, living with the one you truly love, that shouldn't take work. I believe if you have to work at being married, then you will eventually get tired...Just like when you have to work doing anything else, after a while you get tired. Being tired in a marriage means an end to marriage. Even if the marriage continues to exist legally, the meaningful part of the marriage is dead. Yes, people are dynamic...Life is dynamic. But, if you love someone. Wait, not just love, but DEEPLY love someone [I'm talking about the kind of love that awakens the soul], then that person becomes a #1 priority in your life. And, their health and happiness is the most important thing in your life. But, not because it takes work, but rather because it becomes a natural instinctual desire, something that gives you joy and happiness, and not fatigue.

It's been said here by others that friendship is fundamental to having a loving and lifelong marriage. I believe this as well. I believe friendship is the basis of mutual feelings that develop over time. And, at least for me, there has to be a physical attraction. I believe that a healthy physical connection is very important in a relationship. In my opinion, not having that connection frustrates the very essence of what God intended for man and woman. And, I'm not talking strictly about procreation. I believe that God intended man and woman to love, in the physical sense, beyond procreation, and to connect on a level reaching the soul, on a level where the mind and the body, and the soul merge. Without physical love, the body connection is not there, making a true the connection of the mind and soul unlikely.