is finding the so called the one true?and how you will know?

[Gary2310]

Is loving someone really just a matter of deciding to do so?...Decide to love and, therefore, you do. Gee, I wish it was that simple for me because then my life would be so much more enjoyable:)

I think that I'm missing something here. I can see how you can easily have love for a child, love for parents and other family, love for close friends, etc., but I can't imagine being able to "decide" to love a woman in the way that a man and woman are suppose to experience love. Am I wrong to feel this way?

I guess, it's really just a matter of how we each define love. I've always believed, however, that cultural differences aside, the dynamics of romantic love relationships between men and women are basically the same no matter what part of the world you live in. And so, while love can be considered a relative term, it can also be an awesomely powerful term because it has a distinct and absolute meaning when used to represent a deep indescribable soul-awakening feeling that people who are "in love" have. I'm not sure how you can actually command that kind of feeling to exist.

Maybe I'm just a forever hopeless romantic. But, I just can't imagine being happy in a companionate kind of love relationship, one that is devoid of romance and passion. I can't imagine a love that is not accentuated by a mutual magic. I can't imagine a love where there isn't a heightened feeling of oneness, or where holding hands is done because "you should" rather than because it feels good. For me, true love isn't something that a man or a woman can decide to feel. It just happens, almost magically. It's an intense collective feeling that joins us to our partner and makes us feel a certain kind of happiness and makes us feel so glad to be human.

[Smiley]

Is loving someone really just a matter of deciding to do so?...Decide to love and, therefore, you do. Gee, I wish it was that simple for me because then my life would be so much more enjoyable:)

I think that I'm missing something here. I can see how you can easily have love for a child, love for parents and other family, love for close friends, etc., but I can't imagine being able to "decide" to love a woman in the way that a man and woman are suppose to experience love. Am I wrong to feel this way?

I guess, it's really just a matter of how we each define love. I've always believed, however, that cultural differences aside, the dynamics of romantic love relationships between men and women are basically the same no matter what part of the world you live in. And so, while love can be considered a relative term, it can also be an awesomely powerful term because it has a distinct and absolute meaning when used to represent a deep indescribable soul-awakening feeling that people who are "in love" have. I'm not sure how you can actually command that kind of feeling to exist.

Maybe I'm just a forever hopeless romantic. But, I just can't imagine being happy in a companionate kind of love relationship, one that is devoid of romance and passion. I can't imagine a love that is not accentuated by a mutual magic. I can't imagine a love where there isn't a heightened feeling of oneness, or where holding hands is done because "you should" rather than because it feels good. For me, true love isn't something that a man or a woman can decide to feel. It just happens, almost magically. It's an intense collective feeling that joins us to our partner and makes us feel a certain kind of happiness and makes us feel so glad to be human.

That is not exactly what I said in my reply.What I said is that we all have options and we should work to make the most of what hand we are dealt.I did not suggest to just pick somebody at random and make some kind of decision to be forever in love.That would have been very bad advice on my part.

[mystic]

Indeed, there are emotional people and more brain oriented people. Usually, women are more brain oriented. They look at the environment, the context, the benefits, and if everything is ok, then the magic comes. Men are more emotional and need to have those crazy feelings that let them think they are in love. This also gives rise to the usual eternal games where the (brain oriented) woman can play with a man and do of him what she wants.

I usually take the middle way. There must be the proper conditions (brain, decision, commitment), but also the magic (emotion). However, magic is easy to come with the proper conditions (decision/commitment). It's the same in music. The performers learn their part. If they continue playing it... it is very obvious that they will bring the tune to a new (magic) level. It's just matter of time and it works. If there is the proper commitment... the heart always follows. Of course, one has to guard his/her heart from the deceiving reality around, in order not to make other experiences that will eventually spoil the commitment (and ruin lives).

And to make another similarity, the roasted chicken (commitment) cannot do without the smell (magic). If the chicken is roasted properly, the smell is always good. The problem is if the chicken is burned, or roasted too little. Then, the magic is lacking and it can be even harmful.

[red]

Red, is right, the bells will ring, the fireworks will blast off, your heart will pound, and you will not be able to eat or sleep! is that right, Red? Well, anyway, you are right; she will know it won't she, Red? When she craves chocolate, wants flowers and perfumes, and then those will be the signs!

I don't know about flowers and chocolates because my hubby only give me money, flowers and chocolates and etc when we got married. Even when we got engaged he only gave me the ring and flowers...ha ha... I had decided then even if I was not being given anything at courting times. I thought wow this is different this man must have been oriented so well with the others that no giving of anything to Filipinas during dating.
Hey you will know that it is the one because you will be decided and not only that because it will also be accompanied of other feelings like love, and being comfortable with.

[red]

I think Red is correct. It's mostly a decision. Like in the Bible, "take a wife and love her". Love does not necessarily need to come before.

In my experience, when I married I let the flow of the river take me. I was not convinced that *she* was the only and perfect one. But I was feeling well with her, there was a perfect timing in everything... and I just let things happen. There were no violins, bells, etc.

I remember she used to say that she didn't believe in the excesses of love, because they are just temporary emotions of the heart and don't last. She used to say that love should start little, and then make it always grow, all life long. This vision was giving me a sense of peace. And as I said, all went so smooth...
I do not understand really how the smooth turned into a hell... but, well, obviously I took the wrong choice. I learned to try to see the person in reality, in everyday life. Coz while in courtship, you don't see the real character. Just the day after marriage you see the real character (and also the year rule holds true).

And well, there is a Chinese proverb: If you want to be happy for a day, drink wine. If you want to be happy for a year, take a wife. If you want to be happy forever, grow flowers.

At the foundation, to make things work, there is always only one thing: commitment (decision).

I agree on real characters can be seen after marriage. Like during courtship, you wont know how stink your partner can do on toilet bowl. Or how bad his/her fart is or how loud he/she snores at night Or how meticulous your partner can be over little things etc... But then it is on package when you get married, so live with it and that is reality.

[Edwin]

Yes, courtship is the time that many put their best foot forward, and they try to hide the other things that are real in life. They won't let you hear or smell their fart before, but they will after! They will try not to let you see them unkept, unwashed, uncombed, and unshaved, but after marriage you will see the real person! When I was young if I was not going anywhere I used to not shave, sometimes for a week or more at a time! But now for some reason my whiskers have become so tough that if I don't shave every day, it is a hard task to shave. They cut easier each day, than even skipping a day, so I shave ever day, almost without fail. If my blade gets a little dull, it will not even cut my whiskers if they are more than a day old. If I don't do anything else, I brush and floss before I got to bed, and first thing in the morning I wash my face and shave!

[red]

It is nice to show all what you are while courtship so that there will be no regrets later on. Like as always said here know the person better first before making commitments. But sometimes that can be overlooked esp making hasty decisions.

[Gary2310]

I think a marriage commitment is much too important to not consider as much as possible with respect to the person you are thinking about spending the rest of your life with. Living with regrets is not a nice way to live. And, just learning to "accept" is also not a very satisfying way to go through life.

I think two people should really consider knowing everything there is to know about a person BEFORE considering a commitment such as marriage. While, admittedly, this may not be a very easy task, I really believe that it is a necessary one, that is, if you consider marriage serious enough to be a life-long commitment and you want to be happy in your choice.

Anyone who has been in an unhappy marriage knows all too well what's it's like living day after day with regrets. It's a miserable way to live, for both.

[Edwin]

Yes, Red, putting the best foot forward and hasty decisions are both to blame. We all want people to see our best side, and think the best of us, so we try to hide anything that is negative. It is best for all invovled if we allow the one who is interested in us to see our true self if at all possible. This is the most healthy for everyone involved because we don't want to give someone else false impressions and then have big let downs later. If someone is going to love me, I want them to love me, not someone else that I pretend to be. Usually it is normal for people to act there best before the marriage, and then not care about how they act after the marriage. Have your eyes open before the marriage to the faults of the other person, then close your eyes to their faults after the marriage has taken place. It is important to pay attention to red flags which are indications of, in the case of red flags, that something is not right. Too many people have closed their eyes to the red flags, then learned the full truth later, truth that could have been theirs if they had paid attention. I think also that there are indications of true genuine love as well. And there are indications that the person is a wonderful person, and all that they claim to be. You can have confidence that kind of a person, and if you fall in love with them, they will not let you down. The more you read someone's writings here, the more you chat online with them, the more the email with them, the more you are with that person, the more you see, and what you see tells you a story about what kind of a person he/she is. So time, exposure, and paying attention all help you to know the person you are spending time with. The heart and the mind is an important part of this thinking. The heart says, "I feel good with you, and I want you, no matter what." The mind says what are this person's actions telling me? Will I be safe, contented, and happy with that person? Everyone has their own way of checking the validity, and checking the validity is important, to make sure you will not be sorry later. It is fun to feel good, to have good thoughts, good information, and that is what we hope for!

[crisipicada]

i went out last night with my friend. we talked about life and he surprised me because he told me that he don't really love his wife at first.. i told him why does he marry the girl if he is not sure about his love to her. he told me the girl is already pregnant and its the right thing to do.... and i asked him if he believes on saying that if you found the right one u will know..is it true? and he said yes. he actually found the one before he marries his wife but he let that girl go because he is going to be a father ... and i asked him how is he feeling now? and he said ,he still can't forget the one he truly love but he is trying his best to be true and loyal to his wife now. i said uve been together for 7 years yet u still don't love your wife. he said i do love my wife now but he still choose the one... he said he is happy but it might be better if he choose the other one..i was silent ,co'z i don't know how to react with that... well that gives me a thought if there is really the so called "the one" but it seems that not all ends with an happy ending like what happened to my friend now.. too sad to know that...

Wrong and poor choices in life, are hard to forget. They make you wish you could start all over again.

As you have said at the first time, he will be a father and he wanted to marry the woman then because that is the right thing to do. At first, he made the wrong choice in life. Why? because it is sin to commit to be into premarital sex. What he did reap a child. Remember, the baby is not really a mistake why he/she came into the world, but always remember that, all the sin we commit can be forgiven but the consequence, we cannot refuse to receive.

The principle of sowing and reaping is that, like sowing seeds in the rice field, we harvest more than we sow. Just like what he did, he is not only the one who suffers of the consequence but also the people around him, his love ones, his family and his sorroundings.

Asking about "the one", the Bible did not say that there a person is born for him or her. Example: the Bible did not say that Peter is for Diana when they will be born on earth. Rather, the Bible gives us guidance on how to choose someone we marry. Also, remember, that first and foremost, we must be the right one for him or her, before we look for someone who is right for us. What if, for the first place, we are not right for her or him?

Example, is, be ye holy because He is holy. be ye not unequally yoke together with the unbeliever for what communion for the dark and light. Another is, we must remember, as a woman to be a wife, she must be devoted to her husband, and the husband must be the head of the family, the provider as Christ as the head of the Church. A lot of principles that we must consider when it comes to major decisions in life, especially, getting married.

Despite of the fact that we commit sin in the past, He still forgives our sins and forget them no more. He made us clean and white as snow. We become new creature and all things are past away.

We might have guilt at heart and sometimes, we are bothered of the past, but remember, He is more greater than our hearts. Claim His promise that He will give us peace and not fear. He forgives and forget. He remembers no more.

Many of us claim "he/she is the one" but it really takes test and guidance. It needs prayers and wisdom.

We might regret of our choices in the past but remember, it is not too late to start all over again. We do not know what life could bring if they get married the one he claim to be "the one". Who knows?!

To submit to the will of God of what he chose to marry that woman now is the best thing to do. To be a responsible, godly father and husband is important. He must forget the other one because that wont help a healthy marriage. Always remember, what is happening inside our /his heart is much important than what is happening around us. Our good relationship with the Heavenly Father and be right in Him is the most important. Do not be bothered what people say around you now, but what The Father can say about what is now and in the future.

Hope that it enlightens you.