is finding the so called the one true?and how you will know?

[Edwin]

Someone on here, and I can't remember who right now, said, marry in haste and repent at leasure. That is true I think, if a person is too hasty they are apt to make a mistake they will regret for the rest of their lives. What you said, Crisi, is very good advice, and good consolation and comfort for the people invovled. Once you chose a person to marry, you might as well forget all the rest of them that you have known and considered, because it is a life time commitment. You are right about the sowing and reaping. It is a natural principle, and it is also a spiritual principle. You sow good seed, you will reap good things. You sow bad seed, do bad things, bad things will come to you. It also says, "Sow to the wind, and reap the whirlwind," which means the same, that if you sow a little rice, you will reap a lot of rice. And yes, God does forgive and he forgets. You may have to live with some consequences, but God has forgiven, and you can have forgiveness of sins, eternal life, and a cleared conscience, in which you don't need to keep thinking about the bad things that you have done, because God has forgiven, and He has forgotten. God can prosper you inspite of what you have done if you seek forgiveness, healing, cleansing, and forsake your sin, and live to please God.

God has given principles to guide us in finding a mate, and as Crisi is saying, we need to pay attention to those so that our choices will be according to the will of God. Having God's blessing will make life so much better, and if we follow our own way. "I did it my way," was popular lyrics by the song sung by Frank Sinatra, but it doesn't make for happy living to live doing it our way, rather than God's way. God's way is the best way!

[Smiley]

Yes I totally believe that Edwin.A lot of this boils down to the old "Love at first sight" question. While I do believe that it exists,I have to be honest and say that I think that in most cases it is a form of wistfull thinking. If one look puts you into a position of love take a second look.That second look can have a sobering effect

[Edwin]

Yes, Smiley, I too believe that love at first sight does exist. But, like you I believe if a person thinks they have love at first sight, they better take another look. Love at first sight might be a good start, but proceed with caution! I think it depends of the people involved, their attitudes, their backgrounds, and their intentions. Some people are just plain more trustworthy than other people. If you find someone that you can depend on that is great. How do you know? Well, you have to be a good judge of character. I believe that people who are commited Christians have principles of living that make it so they will not want to hurt anyone. So I think one Christian is better off aligning with another Christian. If there is a way to learn a little about the history of a person, I think that helps as well. Patterns of living are developed over time, and I think if someone is trustworthy in the past, they will probably be trustworthy in the future. Seek God for His wisdom and guidance, and I think that would help a lot as well. Pray and seek God and lean not to your own understanding. I think there is nothing that takes the place of just getting to know a person over a period of time. That doesn't mean taking forever, but long enough to get to know the person, develop confidence in that person, and having that be mutually reciprocated.

[Gary2310]

Yes, "love at first sight" can be a magical feeling. But, as it has been said here already, a certain degree of caution is necessary. Along with God's guidance, understanding the basis for the love-awareness we have whenever we experience that tingly "in love" feeling helps us to avoid "jumping in too soon".

The "love at first sight" feelings that we have all probably experienced at one time or another in our lives are really just the emotional response to hundreds, if not thousands, of chemical reactions in our brain. These sensory signals stimulate various regions in our brain that enable us to feel being "in love". These feelings, however, are temporary and fragile at this point, they are not yet sustainable. They are superficial and not based on enough human dimension to last. Now, of course, these temporary and fragile feelings may eventually grow and mature into true physical-emotional-spiritual connections that will truly bond two people happily for a lifetime.

What's interesting about our ability to know and experience love is that sometimes we go looking for love so desperately that we actually find it, even though it's not really there. For example, you meet someone that you have an instant attraction to. They are polite, they have a nice smile and a good personality, and they make you laugh. These are all very nice qualities to have, but sometimes the brain can interpret these too intensely, and presto "You're in love". The feeling of being "in love" is a great feeling and the driving force behind it is extremely powerful.

These "in love" feelings make us feel all giggly, and shy, and cute, and cuddly, and jealous, etc. They are wonderful feelings, but can they withstand left-brain scrutiny?

What do I mean?

~ Is there a real compatibility?
~ Do they share similar beliefs on IMPORTANT life issues?
~ How do they feel about health? About religion? About children? About careers?
~ Do they share the same feelings about sex and it's importance in a relationship?
~ What about future goals? A life plan? Where to live?
~ Are their temperaments similar? Is one too domineering and one too submissive? Is one quick tempered?
~ Are there mutual feelings of respect?
~ What about death and end-of-life stuff? How do each feel about these issues?
~ How do each feel about extended family issues?
~ Are both on the same (or at least similar) moral ground?
~ Are each of their feelings of love based mainly on the commonalities they share?

These questions, in my opinion, just scratch the surface with respect to the types of connections two people need to have BEFORE they should consider their feelings of love for another person to be TRUE LOVE, a love that is born out of mutual attraction and is built on a solid foundation and a commonality on a number of very important issues. I believe that a couple that shares these kinds of connections is truly blessed and has the best chance of experiencing the joy of being "in love" for their entire life together, having both found their TRUE LOVE.

[Edwin]

You will know, because it will be like the fourth of July with fire works being shot in the air, and beautiful displays in the sky above. You will will feel warm and tingly, and like you have never felt before! Suddenly the flowers will smell better than they ever have before, and you will see beauty in everything. You will lose your appitite, and will only be able to eat chocolate candies! You will not be able to sleep at night, and when you do you will dream of your loved one. You will have fantasies in the daytime about what is going to happen for the two of you. If those things happen to you, be happy, and also proceed with caution!

I am reminded of a movie we watched many years ago, and I don't even remember the name of the movie or anything about the movie except this one scene. A young man went to the exerise gymn, where he became part of a group doing bends and stretches. As the group standing bent over to the floor, touching their hands on the floor, many were dressed in provocative attire because of exercising, and has he looked at these young ladied bent over in front of him, he said, "I am in love!" Well, I don't think he was in love, but I think there was something else going on. It felt good to him no doubt, and he wanted more, but whether he went after that or not, I don't remember. What he was experiencing was infatuation, and maybe that led to something more and maybe it didn't. After that the list that Gary talked about comes into play, because you can't live in a state of infatuation forever. Eventually real life is going to confront you. Then you need something more than infatuation, although that might be a place to start!

[crisipicada]

Of course you will really know because you will have peace in your heart.

[Edwin]

Yes, Crisi, peace in our hearts is a wonderful indication. God will give us peace in our hearts as well make our decisions according to His will. Peace is one of God's gifts to us. Jesus said "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you, not as the world gives, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid...." Jesus gives us peace, and He tells us not to let our hearts be afraid! Thank you, Jesus!

[mystic]

Of course you will really know because you will have peace in your heart.

That's holy love, a water quenching thirst, making you feel secure, full, calm. Most experience love in the form of fire, passion, desire, and thus instability, craving for more and general unsatisfaction and unhappiness. Water nutrures, fire consumes. But water is heavy and goes down. Fire is light and goes to heaven.

The middle between the two is something that gives peace, makes you feel secure, calm, but also brings your thought always to the desired one, in a gentle but secure way. That's fire moderated by water.

If things go wrong, both kinds of love uproot us. Water is heavy and becomes a burden in our life. What before was giving us security, nurturing, now becomes unbearable weigh that knoks us down. Holy love works the most on the moral level and the nerves of the person.
Secular love (fire) consumes burns out the person, stealing appetite, sleep, etc. But with fire it is easier: you just put another piece of wood, and it will burn again. With water, instead... you have to lift the big oppressing weigh, which is not always so easy.

[Edwin]

That is a very interesting comparison with love to fire and water! Both of them are cleansing agents. We use water for everything cleaning, drinking, and consumption in cooking. There is a little bit of water in almost everything. Of course water can be our friend or our enemy depending on how much of it comes and when. Fire, or the use of heat makes our food safer to eat. Fire can be used to burn things we no longer need. Fire can be used to warm our houses, and keep them safe from freezing. Fire can be used to do a lot of other things for us as well. Fire can also become our enemy when it gets out of control and burns what we don't want destroyed. Controled fire is good, but out of control it is not. Water within limitations is good, and our lives depend on having the water that we need.

[mystic]

Fire and water control each other mutually. When one is dominant, the person becomes ill.

My reference was meaning that water is our main source of life and main component of our body. Thirst is a need, a desire, like love. We need to be loved to feel a meaning in this existence. Water quentches the thirst, fills and nurtures our body. Adding water to our body gives it life, fulfills our needs and the need of survival.

Ideal love is just like water, because it is selfless. It gives life, peace, nurtures us from the inside.

Instead, fire does not appease our cravings. Indeed, it increases them, bursting our desires/passions, etc. That's why uncontrolled passion is self destructive. It never stops. And when it does not find its fuel... it becomes crazy and eats up everything it can find. So... if the person becomes a little annoyed in the relation, of there is a problem, the couple bursts at once, because the person is not able to control its desires and needs to find elsewhere the fuel.

We know, there is also a "holy fire" (the Lord is also described as a consuming fire, sometimes; and His closest angels are the Seraphim, the burning ones). The holy fire has to be taken care very carefully. It's like a nuclear plant; if you don't cool it down with water properly... you get a nuclear explosion.