Love for the second time

[crisipicada]

If the woman still willing to accept the man that broke her heart, that means she truly love you. Maybe there are reasons why you break her heart just like, you are not ready yet into a relationship or there is really a valid reason why at that moment you were not meant for each other. Just in case she is willing to love you back , or let us say she still love you and you are now ready, then I do believe that she is the one. Just be patient and be prepared for the second time.

[Edwin]

Yes, be prepared for the second time, because you never know but what that person might really be for you. As you said, Crisi, there may be reasons why it did not work the first time. It could be that it just was not the right time, and later it is, and then everything falls into place.

[Gary2310]

Now, I know that this may sound a little cynical, but this has been my experience in life...

With very few exceptions, one of the best indicators of a how someone will behave in the future is how they behaved in the past. Can people really make a conscious effort to change? Can people really be motivated enough to make lasting positive changes in their lives? Well, it's certainly nice to believe that we are all capable of making such positive changes, but sadly experience has shown me that, in general, the essence of a person is etched in stone. And, by 'essence' I mean the inherent fundamental nature of a person.

What I mean to say is that what we're like as a person, that is, how we relate to others and how we "feel" on an emotional level about all the "life stuff" all began to take shape during our early developmental years, and became further established later on by the experiences we've had in our lives. Now, please don't misread what I'm saying here...I'm NOT saying that people aren't capable of change. No, not at all. In fact, a little "polish" and a healthy dose of self-discipline will go along way in helping a person be what they profess they want to be. I mean, certainly, there is a lot of middle ground between denial and despair. However, my own experience has been that it just doesn't happen very often and that, more times than not, the true essence of a person will remain the same and eventually surface.

Now, this is not necessary a negative thing. The positive side to this is that all the "good stuff" that make up a person's essence is permanent as well and will always be there. So, if your partner has always had a good and kind heart, if they have always displayed a gentle nature, if they have always acted in selfless ways and thought of others first, if they have always treated you with respect, if they have always done what they say and have always been true to their word, etc., then you can be reasonably sure that this person will be this way their entire life because that is their essence. Personally, I do not believe that you can change the essence of person...Good or bad, it is what it is.

So, with respect to "Love for the Second Time"...

Loving a person for the second time, in my opinion, is very risky. I look at true love between a man and a woman as something that develops over time. Something that grows and expands over an entire lifetime together. I don't see it as something that has the ability to rebound after moving in a negative direction. Yes, love is dynamic, but I don't see love as a wave action with troughs and peaks (i.e., ups and downs). Yes, the dynamics of any relationship will naturally have it ups and downs, as we are not perfect beings. It's normal for two people to experience minor differences as they journey through life together, but the level of love they feel for each other should never waver...It should only get stronger as time passes because they will have so much more to base their love on. Love is a very complicated emotion, and it's a feeling that is really an aggregate of many different feelings that one person has for another person. And so, for those that are truly capable of feeling deep passionate love for another person, it's very hard to ever completely fall out of love with that person. It seems that there will always be something that remains no matter what caused the break up. And, I think it's very tempting and easy to tap into those remnant feelings when deciding on whether to give it another try. Some people will be tempted to say that a couple must really love each other if they are willing to give it another try. I don't know...I see it a little differently. I see it that there will always be a certain amount of love, on different levels, for a person that you once felt a deep passionate love for. But, can you get back to where you both were? And, is it important to do so?

Everybody thinks about love in slightly different ways. I mean, it seems like 'love' would be a universal word possessing one simple meaning. But, that's not really the case. Personally, I need the pure passionate and untainted love. When love has been scarred by betrayal, by emotional or physical abuse, etc., I feel that something critical has been lost forever. For some people, that lose is acceptable and they can go on from there as a couple just as they were before. For others, including myself, such a loss is unacceptable and we need to move on. No one likes to think about this because it's a little scary. It's scary to think that it can happen to anyone because, after all, we are dealing with people and emotions and no one can ever really know what someone else is thinking or feeling. That's why a true and pure love needs to be protected and nurtured, and never be taken for granted. God gave us all the ability to know and experience love, and so we always need to be mindful of this and appreciate His gift and use it wisely.

[Edwin]

Okay, what I am going to say is that people normally don't change. What they are in the beginning they probably will be as they go along, and a year from now or 10 years from now. That is what normally happens. But, God can change people. What people can't do for themselves, they can do with God's help. So, an alcoholic can beat his problem/addiction with God's help, but he/she has to want to improve. The drug addict can be set free with God's help, if he/she wants to be set free. The bad person can become a good person with God's help, if that person wants to become a good person. The Bible is full of teachings about this, and God's forgiveness for those who have gone the wrong direction. He will truely take out the heart of stone, and give a heart of flesh. He will write His laws on people's hearts so that they want to do what God wants them to do. People can change for the better with God's help, but they have to want God's help, and then He will help them. So do people change for the better? They usually don't. Can people change for the better? Yes, they can with God's help.

[crisipicada]

I read that if you love someone, you are able to look behind the past and accept the person again. Do you think it would be possible?

That is why, it is my promise to myself that if I will trust someone again, then he must be my future husband. Unless, I am tired for that person and have no word of honor. A lot of people today always give promises but always a broken promise.

I learned from my mother last week that my best friend's younger sister got impregnated and she is still single and not married. Their family is so devoted catholic and very spiritual. We will really do not know the future holds unless guided by biblical principle.

[Edwin]

Yes, Crisi, I do not understand broken promises, because I figure out word should mean more than making someone idle promises and then going back on our word. That would make it hard to trust with broken promises. You would not know what you could depend on. If there was enough love there to forgive the person, overlook their past, then that would be good. That would take a lot of wisdom and seeking the Lord to know how to proceed with that.