Filipina/Westerner Cultural Misunderstandings

[jetman51]

What are some of the most-common causes of misunderstandings between a Filipina and her westerner partner arising from cultural differences? How are these best avoided? Thanks for any insights you can offer.

[red]

Most common I heard and I personally encountered are language/communication, cultural beliefs, food and family traditions. I suggest to western guys to adjust and be patient to filipinas' English coz most of them don't speak fluent english. Even some who are fluent in English don't even know some terms that western people are used to. Like for example purse, I argued with my husband on that because I use the term bag or handbag ...purse for me is wallet. I found it funny. We pinay esp in mindanao that speaks bisaya we have this joke to those in Luzon that speak tagalog. In Luzon, langgam( ants), in Bisaya it is a bird. Paa (feet)in tagalog, in Bisaya it is thighs. So we think Bisaya is always on "higher".
Anyway, for cultural beliefs and food and family traditions i think both sides should compromise. So it is very important to check attitudes. I know most filipinas are understanding always the one that adjust to their partners. So western men be patient and understanding too to these filipinas. If you have that loving patient understanding attitude you will have her heart forever. 100% guaranteed. I met some pinays here in Virginia and usually they talked about their husbands. And mind you a lot of temptations here too. Mostly pinay say, "even though my husband is old and poor i wont leave him because he is very nice and he takes care of me and love me very well."

[Edwin]

That's me, Red! I am old and poor! Well, I'm poor in spirit, I hope, and though I am not rich I am retired, have social security and two rentals that have cost me a lot of money and mental anguish over the last 5 years, not leaving me much profit, but we get by, and Carol keeps reminding me to look to the Lord because He is our provider, and I may not be rich in houses and lands, but I hope I am rich toward God. I have riches untold in Jesus, and a promise that He is preparing a place for me, for you, and for all those who trust in Him.

My experience when I went to the Philippines was that my friends' filipina wife's families in Manila spoke and understood very good English, but most of them in Negros didn't speak well nor did they understand. One of her brother in laws in Negros had been some kind of a manager in the sugar cane industry, and he spoke and understood English as well as I do. The most frustrating time that I had while I was in the Philippines was when my friend's filipina wife left me in a food court with her brother and his young grandson, while the rest of them went through the mall. I wanted to go with them, but she is a little pushy, but not a mean person. Anyway I think her brother wanted to stay there with the little guy, and she didn't want him to be alone. The frustrating part was that he would ask me a question, trying to learn, and then I would answer him, and he wouldn't understand what I was telling him, so he would ask again, and I would try to make my statement in a different way. So he was not able to ask the question so that I could understand, and I was not able to answer him so that he could understand. He was friendly, and just trying to get to know me, but it was a tense time for me not knowing him very well, and feeling like I was being interrigated, but it was okay, and I was around him much more in the remaining 2 weeks, and it was all pleasant. If I would have had someone there who understood both Tagolog and Engish it would have been much easier.

A niece took it upon herself to make me feel comfortable, so she sat by me while eating, and helped me to get food on my plate. I ate my rice first mainly to get rid of it, but I liked it, not as much as most filipino people do, then she would hand me the rice: "Here, David, have some more rice," so to keep her happy, I was full of rice! It was okay, though.

During the house blessing the Father was throwing water on everything, and my firend asked his filipina wife why the Father was doing that, adn she said it was to chase out the evil spirits. My friend responded, "That is what my 6 mm is for, then he laughed!

[crisipicada]

There might be misunderstanding both culture, but what is important is that you both love each other. For me, the most important to look for a husband or wife, is to look for someone who is mature Christian.

[Edwin]

Yes, Crisi, I think that being a mature Christian will bridge the cultural barriers. Sure you can be insulting without realizing it or intending to be that way. You can be judged as being insensitive, but communication and forgiveness goes a long way. The Love of God knows no barriers, no language, not anything. When people gather in a large group to worship the Lord, and they begin singing, "Hallelujah," it does not matter what the language is, it sounds beautiful, and it is filled with wonderful notes that God loves. If you have ever been in a large group all singing and worshipping God in the Holy Spirit, there is nothing that compares with that. When we gather around God's throne, that is what we will be doing is singing the song of the redeemed! In a situation like that the love does flow!

[jetman51]

Salamat for these interesting replies. I think that many of the potential language problems and cultural differences can be worked-through with patience and understanding. I am certainly ready to offer both. But I do wonder sometimes whether there are particular "hot button" things that a westerner might not realize he should not do or say (I don't mean anything that is obviously rude or out-of-line, of course). Or maybe it would not occur to a westerner to do something that he should, because he does not understand the culture. I just would not want to spoil things with a person from the beginning by being ignorant of Filipino culture or of the ways of a Filipina.

[red]

You are right, jetman, takes patience and understanding and that will take you to success in dating with a Filipina. Wish you good luck.

[Edwin]

Anyone who has taken college level communication classes or speech, or English speaking and composition classes has leaned all the many ways that miscommunication can take place. And, that is between people of the same lanuage and culture. Throw into that culture difference and a language barrier, and you have a recipe for failure! It is important to learn the culture so you will not do something or say something that will put you in a bad light. Language is somewhat harder to overcome that barrier, unless you are able to quickly learn the language. Even learning the language is no garrantee for success, because there's not only the bare bones language, but there are meanings behind meanings, and especially with respect to idioms, and saying that we have many of them, and I suppose it is the same in other languages that they have special little phrases that mean special things to them, even beyond the meanings of the words.

If you are in love with a filipina, or you are mixing with their families, I think they expect you to make some mistakes, and if you have the right attitude they will probably laugh with you, rather than laughing at you, which is never fun. So, I think attitude is a big item, when you are willing to learn, and you are sensitive to all the things you can understand, so that your blunders can be kept to a minimum!

So if you have the right attitude you will be forgiven of your mistakes, and they will not be held against you. If you are a "know it all," and you are constantly boasting and bragging about yourselve and your acheivements, you will probably have a problem, because I have read enough comments from filipinas to learn that they detest bragging, boasting, lying, and cheating. If you do these things it will send a message that you think you are better than everyone else. So, I think having a good attitude and being honest goes a long ways to have understanding rather than misunderstandings!

[crisipicada]

Most of the westerner would say that filipina are immature and very dependent. For me, it is important for the guy to meet my family so that I would be able to know if he has respect. It is important for my family to meet the guy because it is one way that my family would observe the person, if in case I would have one.

Respect is very important. For me, if the guy wont meet the family of the filipina then he is selfish or disrespectful.

Remember, woman, whether filipina or not, their parents rear them and give them life and nurture to grow. So they deserve respect. So girls, be careful about men who just wanted to meet you and dumb you.

[Edwin]

You are right, Crisi, in that respect is very important. I have always heard that if you as a girl wants to know how your future husband will treat you, observe how he treats his mother and his sisters. If you as a man, wants to know how your future wife will treat you observe how she treats her father and her brothers. It is very important for the young man to meet his future family of his to be bride, and so that they can observe his respect to his future family!