Filipina/Westerner Cultural Misunderstandings

[m&m]

The most important is that both are committed Christian and there is no way to compromise. That is the best couple for me. Always desire to do what is right and not what is easy. Both must have true heart and not manipulating each other. Both must willing to understand each other and try to have a good conversation, not judging but able to listen to someone.

[Edwin]

You made some very good points, m & m! Both being commited Christians gives a great basis for friendship, romance, love, and marriage. The Bible has a quite a bit to say about being equally joined, and there are lots of practical lessons about it in the Old Testiment, where Israelites were unequally yoked with idol worshippers, and it was disasterious. Even with King Solomon, we are told that his women turned his heart away from God and to idolatry. How sad the wisest person who ever lived, was foolish enough to get himself tangled up with people who drew him away from God. He gave many of our most important pieces of wisdom concerning the value of the young lady, and the dangers of being with a brawling woman. Desiring what is right and not looking for chances to take advantage of the other person are important. Manipulation is not good, but working together with love and kindness, thinking of the other person's best interests is ideal. It is sad when people manipulate each to selfishly get what they want. It is best to act with freedom being motivated with love and kindness. A desire for understanding, goes a long ways, where two people can converse with each other in a loving manner, not being judgmental, but just looking for the best.

[m&m]

A lot of unmarried women right now who have kids without a father. It saddened me that to know that we try to solve problems about illegitimate children but first and foremost we try to divert our thinking into wrong one. Living in is not the solution to the problem in order to have a successful marriage. In fact it is practicing to divorce in the future.

[Edwin]

I used to read a lot of information on visa journey, and some of it was good information, some of it was drama, and some of it was comedy, usually funny to an outside observer, but some of those experiences are very serious, and many times sad to the people involved. I remember one true story of this guy who was married to a young filipina lady. She had a couple of friends over having a good time. The guy was in a buiness where he had to make telephone calls for business, and they were serious and very important to him. He was in the middle of one such call, and his young filipina wife and her friends were cutting up, laughing hysterically, and just having a wonderful time enjoying each other's company, and too loudly to suit the husband. Anyway he insulted his wife in front of her friends, and she never forgave him. She started throwing expensive items, like the laptop computer, and breaking other important things. That was the end of their marriage, and they had big time trouble from that time on. Better not insult your wife in front of her friends. She loses face, and she might never forgive you!

[red]

One thing that can lead to misunderstanding is Filipina's family tend to ask for financial help. I know most western men don't like it. As for me, i always like to help out as long as i have an extra to lend. My husband is always hesitant. As for lending money it usually don't get back on us. I can't stand feeling guilty knowing the person asking is in dire need. So money matters can cause misunderstanding too.

[Edwin]

Yes, this could be a problem when the American husband is really not that well off. Unless her family is made to understand they might think that he has money to spare anytime. It costs more money for us to survive, so it might seem like to her family that we are living in the lap of luxery, when in truth we are just barely getting by. It is hard when you know the families in the Philippnes are suffering, and you don't have the meanse to do a lot more to help. Yes, the wife needs to help to make the families understand, and I don't think it is unreasonable for the American to do what he is able to help out any time and especially in times of emergency.

[m&m]

One of the misunderstandings, I guess, would be in conversation. Filipina, especially, those who stayed in the province, are very sensitive. The tone of the words are soft and delicate. While, those expressions that hard, or insincere words, makes the filipina feeling bad.

[Edwin]

M & M, it is easy even in the same language to have misunderstandings because of language, then add a language difference, a cultural difference, and some other differences, and it is easy to have misunderstandings. I can also attest to your idea of misunderstandings because of sensitivity of the individuals. Some people can say about anything, and sometimes they think it is humorous when the other person does not realize they are using humor/joking. We have an expression, "You got to be kidding?" If you know someone is kidding then it is easier to take what they are saying without feeling offended. I have always been a sensitive person, but now in later years I am not as sensitive as I once was when I was young. So, a little carefulness in what is said and how things are said helps a lot.

[Dewey]

I think a big difference is in the way that family is looked at in the other countries compared to the Philippines. Children readily sacrifice for their other family members, but in countries such as the US the children think of themselves first and do not worry so much about their parents or brothers and sisters

[Edwin]

My older brother when I was young was telling me that years ago before there were social programs people would die if they were not able to sustain themselves. In other words if a person didn't work or was not able to work they would starve, so in this country that has helped a lot of people, but our ecomony is in trouble because of the over use of those programs. In the Philippines and other countries they have no safety nets, except brothers, sisters, moms, dads, aunts, and uncles. No one is going to allow their family member to go under if they can help it. So because of that the family unit is even more important to them than it is for us. We have to help our own sometimes, but it is survival for many people in countries such as the Philippines. I think it is great that people whether they be filipino or American have enough heart to help others in need.