JOKER'S CORNER

[Edwin]

On one of the movies we watched this young fellow was trying to take credit for saving a young girl from a bull that he thought was pretty dangerous. The aunt told him that he did not save her from a bull, because that was a steer! She asked him why he didn't look closely enough to realize that was a steer instead of a bull, and he said that he was embarrassed to look that closely at this males parts when he was that clsoe to a girl! Pretty funny, huh? My uncles played a joke on this guy working for them one time many years before I was born. They got a steer in the stanchion, worked it so this hired guy came to the steer next, as they were milking all the cows down the line. The hired guy found that this steer kicked hard as he tried to reach for what he thought was the udder!

[jadegil6]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their
tent all set up, both men crawled inside and fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look
towards sky. What you see? '
'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically speaking,
It tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise , it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we have no clouds, and it will be a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you, Tonto?'
"Tell me you dumber than buffalo."
"What?" asks the Lone Ranger.
Tonto say, "You see sky. That means someone stole tent."

[Edwin]

That was pretty funny, Sir Michael!

[jadegil6]

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The woman says, "Oh my! Has it come to this? Okay then! Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."

[jadegil6]

A man decides to have a facelift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.
The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".
"I am actually 47", he says.
Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 89 years old, been alone now for almost 30 years, and my eyesight is going, but I know a sure way of telling a man's age. If you let me put my hand down your pants, then I will tell you your exact age."
Since there was no one around, the man thinks, Why not? and lets her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, that's long enough. You are 47."
Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "Simple. I was behind you at the McDonalds."

[jadegil6]

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
**********************************
Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
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A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers, "Yes,
but I'm not sure what to do.... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
********************************
A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
*******************************
A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.. His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" He does, but two
weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy!" "Here boy!" he replies.
*******************************
A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy because it has spasms," he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says,
It seems calm enough to me." The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
*******************************
A friend phoned his blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
*******************************
A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

[jadegil6]

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a Manila nightclub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is spotty, yet bushy.
'Are you the manager?' she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
'Actually, no,' he replies.
'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she says, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
'I'm afraid I can't,' breathes the bartender, clearly aroused. 'Is there anything I can do?'
‘Yes there is. I need you to give him a message,' she continues. 'Tell him,' she says, 'that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the CR.'

[jadegil6]

In 2010, there was a hippy named Benny in Cebu City.
Benny was real hip, but he just couldn't grow a beard like most other Filipinos.
One day Benny met up with a Gypsy Lady who liked him enough to grant him a wish, so, naturally, Benny wished for a beard.
The Gypsy Lady granted the wish, but warned Benny to ALWAYS wear the beard, and to never cut it off.
Well, as time went by, Benny found a good job working in a bank, but the management wanted him to shave his beard. Benny decided the beard no longer fit his image, and to please his new manager, and ignoring the Gypsy Lady`s warnings, he shaved it off.
All of a sudden....**POOF** ...Benny disintegrated into a pile of ashes on the floor. Along came the janitor, swept him up, and deposited him into a jar.

Moral of this story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

[mystic]

Immagine.jpg (46.34 KiB) Viewed 13101 times

[mystic]

Immagine.jpg (55.4 KiB) Viewed 13101 times