JOKER'S CORNER

[angel]

A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!

[angel]

A nervous old lady on a bus was made even more nervous by the fact that the driver periodically took his arm out of the window. When she couldn't stand it any longer, she tapped him on the shoulder and whispered on his ear: "Young man...you keep both hands on the wheel...I'll tell you when it's raining!"

[angel]

"Spell SPOT three times."
"S P O T , S P O T , S P O T"
"What do you do when you come to a green light?"
(answer is invariably-) "Stop!"
"What, at a GREEN light?"

[cheryz]

wew angel so many jokes you share lol laugh trip? angel you only search it?
sir michael jokes few but so laughable , sir where you get it?
sometimes i got mine jokes some of online site on facebook but more on filipino jokes they post.

[angel]

cheryz mine also on facebook and most of it in searching english jokes.... facebook sometimes its annoying they post the jokes and i dont open facebook often (why) coz some people post selfie and even a little thing just post it and post. at first it so good but for me now i dont like that much (sorry to the facebook user who really a fan of it).

[mercedez]

a friend text this one
Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw?
Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard (herd)?

If you dont understand these, use your dictionary and look up the words "blind" "deaf" "saw" "heard" and "herd"

[angel]

Knock Knock Knock, knock.
Who’s there? To.
To who?
It’s to whom, you illiterate fool.

Grandma
Let's eat Grandma!
Let's eat, Grandma!
Punctuation SAVES LIVES!

My Place
Theres' a verb and a noun in a bar.
They both spot each other, and the verb smiles and goes over to the noun.
"Hey," it said to the noun. "Wanna come back to my place and conjugate?"
The noun said "Oh, no. I decline."

[Smiley]

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’ He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard a voice....say, ‘Jesus is watching you.’ Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. ‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot. ‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’ The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’
‘I'm Moses.’ replied the bird. ‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’
‘The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus.’

[jadegil6]

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.
So I went to a shrink and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge?"
"Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it," I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.
"Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A friend cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought myself a new pickup truck."

"Is that so?" he said with a bit of an attitude. "And how, may I ask, did your friend cure you?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now."

[Smiley]

After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction