is finding the so called the one true?and how you will know?

[Edwin]

You are right, Crisi, it is very devastating to tell or be told, "Well, it did not work." Carol and I have had our problems, some that could have separated us. I grew up in a home that supported marriages staying together. I had a fourth grade teacher in elementary school who was divorced and remarried, and even then I thought that was not very good. Her philosophy of marriage was according to her, that she had a right to be happy, and she didn't think that she was happy in her first marriage. I was just a little boy at the time, and I thought, "That just is not right." Carol and I really did not know each other only a few weeks before we were married. I was working in the field most of the time, and during those several weeks we saw each other on Sunday, and once during the week. Carol and I knew who each other was, and we saw each other at church meetings, but we never talked, and didn't really know each other. I had lots of girl friends before Carol, probably almost set a record. My problem was that I was so sensitive, and I still am a little sensitive, that I would get my feelings hurt, and that would end what ever romance was going on. I never thought of that at the time, but looking back and remembering, that is what happened, and I know I broke a lot of hearts. Carol and I were not together long enough for me to get my feelings hurt, so I proposed to her, she accepted that, and we were married within a short period of time. Carol and I both had a strong conviction that marriage is forever, and neither one of us was willing or desireous to bale out on the marriage. I didn't like many things that happened in our marriage, and I'm sure Carol didn't like a lot of things that took place either, but we were determined to make it work. We had some pretty good fights a few times, and the worst fights were at the beginning few years. We have been together for 44 and 1/2 years. There are several things involved with our relationship. We have both tried to be understanding and tolerant. I have given in a few times rather than fight to the destruction of our marriage. So, I have compromised what I wanted, and I am still compromising what I want in favor of continued marriage. We were attracted to each other, and we loved each other and still do. Now we have a lot of history together. Her family and relatives are my family and relatives as well as the other way around. What has happened to her has happened to me. We have lived the same places, and have done many of the same things. We have a few things from the past that both of us value. We have a few friends from many years back. We have kids and grandkids. Carol is support for me, and I am support for her. I wouldn't do anything to hurt her, and I don't think she would purposely hurt me either. We are in this until death do us part, for richer for poorer, in sickness, and in health, for better or for worse, and someone said of their failed marriage, "It was worse than that!"

[red]

Some people are mean to be single and some people are meant to be married early in life and some has to wait for right time. It could be later in life. I think it is the person's will to decide. Time wont tell you that "hey its now the time go marry". It is actually "you". If you are ready , go for it. If you are not ready then don't dive in to something that you are not ready for whatever consequences. Problem is that some are ready but the person you wanted to be is not yet there for you. Or the person is already been there but you are holding of to something or just not ready.

[Edwin]

You are right Red, there is a right time and a right place. In Proverbs we are told that there is a time to be born and a time to die, and there are times for everything else as well. Romance and marriage is a very complicated thing in a way, but then it is easy to complicate it when it should be simple. It also has to do with probabilities. You have a certain number or matches for the right person. You went to school with a number people who could be your possibility, or maybe they would not be your possibility. You can think of a number of reasons why you are or you are not attracted to any of them. Then maybe there is a person in the next city, next province, next country, or clear across the world that you match with. Then they have to match with you as well, or in other words they have to feel that acceptance or attraction to you also. Readiness is also a factor, because you may be ready, but that other person that you are attracted to may not be ready. Also, you may be ready to accept anyone, even someone that you should not accept because of differences that would make your marriage not successful. We have to have some things in common, and especially our faith in God. For believers in God and the Bible, they must have believers also. Then there is always the possibility of being too particular, and excluding everyone from the pool of possible mates. Someone has to be there for you, and you for that other person. When that happens it is supposed to be for life. So, care needs to be taken, and a person needs to seek God for guidance.

[m&m]

Indeed, there are emotional people and more brain oriented people. Usually, women are more brain oriented. They look at the environment, the context, the benefits, and if everything is ok, then the magic comes. Men are more emotional and need to have those crazy feelings that let them think they are in love. This also gives rise to the usual eternal games where the (brain oriented) woman can play with a man and do of him what she wants.

I usually take the middle way. There must be the proper conditions (brain, decision, commitment), but also the magic (emotion). However, magic is easy to come with the proper conditions (decision/commitment). It's the same in music. The performers learn their part. If they continue playing it... it is very obvious that they will bring the tune to a new (magic) level. It's just matter of time and it works. If there is the proper commitment... the heart always follows. Of course, one has to guard his/her heart from the deceiving reality around, in order not to make other experiences that will eventually spoil the commitment (and ruin lives).

And to make another similarity, the roasted chicken (commitment) cannot do without the smell (magic). If the chicken is roasted properly, the smell is always good. The problem is if the chicken is burned, or roasted too little. Then, the magic is lacking and it can be even harmful.

I believe women are emotional then men.

[m&m]

i went out last night with my friend. we talked about life and he surprised me because he told me that he don't really love his wife at first.. i told him why does he marry the girl if he is not sure about his love to her. he told me the girl is already pregnant and its the right thing to do.... and i asked him if he believes on saying that if you found the right one u will know..is it true? and he said yes. he actually found the one before he marries his wife but he let that girl go because he is going to be a father ... and i asked him how is he feeling now? and he said ,he still can't forget the one he truly love but he is trying his best to be true and loyal to his wife now. i said uve been together for 7 years yet u still don't love your wife. he said i do love my wife now but he still choose the one... he said he is happy but it might be better if he choose the other one..i was silent ,co'z i don't know how to react with that... well that gives me a thought if there is really the so called "the one" but it seems that not all ends with an happy ending like what happened to my friend now.. too sad to know that...

While reading this, I am amaze and thinking why things goes this way.

I want to share this also about the motorcycle who drive me to work from the house one time. I have learned that his wife is my classmate in elementary. I asked how they become couple. To my surprise, he has a girlfriend, whom he also believe "the one".But because of distance relationship, he has another girl he met in our place, and that is my classmate.

Sadly, the grandmother of that woman, so angry and wanted them to get married in order stop the rumors around them. So he decided to get married. But while he did not marry yet, he visit the woman's house, even he has not been there, because they just meet at their church, and it was so much hard to find it. But the woman refuse and allow him to marry. But then when he already get the marriage certificate, he stil visit the woman where she worked then, here in our place, and told him that they will go far to be together. But it was too late, the guy said.He will get married soon to the woman who was my classmate. He admit that he did not love my classmate but later on learn to love her because she is so loving and patient and understanding. But then he said, if he wants to choose and be back to the past, he wanted to marry whom "the one" .

Well, I guess what is important that even we make such decision, we still desire to start all over again, make things right and asking the Lord for blessings. After all, the Lord will make life happy and turn the sadness into joy. But of course, it is much happier, I believe, if you and me marry "the one" we love and make the relationship work

[cheryz]

i went out last night with my friend. we talked about life and he surprised me because he told me that he don't really love his wife at first.. i told him why does he marry the girl if he is not sure about his love to her. he told me the girl is already pregnant and its the right thing to do.... and i asked him if he believes on saying that if you found the right one u will know..is it true? and he said yes. he actually found the one before he marries his wife but he let that girl go because he is going to be a father ... and i asked him how is he feeling now? and he said ,he still can't forget the one he truly love but he is trying his best to be true and loyal to his wife now. i said uve been together for 7 years yet u still don't love your wife. he said i do love my wife now but he still choose the one... he said he is happy but it might be better if he choose the other one..i was silent ,co'z i don't know how to react with that... well that gives me a thought if there is really the so called "the one" but it seems that not all ends with an happy ending like what happened to my friend now.. too sad to know that...

yes its so very sad that the one she want for his life is not the one he marry,... i salute a man like that because he face the consequences they did with the woman who got pregnant. and if the baby comes i know she will learn to the girl and the baby.

[crisipicada]

So hard to tell. But as long as there is peace, there is calmness in your heart about the person, and you have been praying for God's guidance, then that is what the Lord's will. I also learn that God's guidance is step by step. Unless we obey the first step, He will reveal the next step. So it is a matter of heart. When you pray at heart to be willing to obey His guidance, then He will direct you in the next step.

Have a relationship to someone when you are ready to get married. Because if you are not ready to get married, then you are just using someone to meet your need, but not willing to settle down and it is really a waste of time.

Because of that, I let things go and let the Lord lead me to where He will lead me. I do not know how, where, when and to whom. But I believe that the one for me is the one who really wanting to have a good heart to have a family as I desire and pray.

[cheryz]

Some people are mean to be single and some people are meant to be married early in life and some has to wait for right time. It could be later in life. I think it is the person's will to decide. Time wont tell you that "hey its now the time go marry". It is actually "you". If you are ready , go for it. If you are not ready then don't dive in to something that you are not ready for whatever consequences. Problem is that some are ready but the person you wanted to be is not yet there for you. Or the person is already been there but you are holding of to something or just not ready.

Indeed a good advice Red. It is really YOU must know if your ready for the commitment for lifetime and if your mature enough to face the marriage life that will you to grow with your partner.

[crisipicada]

Prayer and reading the Bible is the best thing to do in finding someone. I believe this. There might be hardship in finding but the Lord will lead.

[angel]

If really God's will to be destined to be single or married i think its your choice to be made. But i heard some stories even they both married in separate ways in the end they will met each other and together will never be part even if they old, something like fantasy but it happens true love exist