Can A Single Woman or Man Raise Well Her/His Children?

[Zen]

With all the bad I see in men or women, is it okay to raise the child with alone by a single mother or father?

[crisipicada]

A resounding yes is the answer. I have friends who were brought up well by their mom/dad only. Left by their mom or dad. And they grew up fine.

But there is another side to look at.

In counselling situations, you will see this pattern majority of the time:

I was raise by my father when I was 11 years old up and it was hard and emotionally afflicted and negativity in terms of trust to other people develop in me because my father keep on telling me "trust no one".
Yes a lot of negative symptoms today of the children, trace back to daddy /mommy wonds. (Fatherless/motherless)



Depends really on what people believe.

If you are atheist Mother, etc. I respect that this might be very outrageous to you, or maybe even unimportant.

But in actual cases, we believe it is very healthy to have both parents physically and emotionally present at their child's 0-13 formative years.

There is something a mother or father can do that is so unique.

Now let’s take the spiritual angle.

In the Judeo-Catholic/Christian design, God gave the Father the ability to impart deep identity into the child.(the Mom was given other functions in the family).

For those who might be offended with this, you can try asking your priests and pastors of your home church, plus additional research on scriptures on:

How God changed the names of wayward men leaders (Petros, Gideon, Abram), and some Old Testament stories on a fathee having authority to cancel his daughter's foolish vows ….(scary story)

Women, as much as gentle, nurturing and sacrificial….. were not given the mandate and power to call forth the deep core identity of a daughter or son.

That is a fatjer's mandate / function/role.

(This may partially explains why many men live polygamously irresponsible today, because they usually didn’t have a strong Father figure to guide them right, despite having good loving, sacrificial moms.)

Here is how a fathee solidifies his daughter or his son's identity:

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For daughters,

your Dad has the ability to secure your identity by meeting your question:

"AM I BEAUTIFUL ENOUGH DADDY?

AM I WORTH PURSUING DADDY?(Am i important/valuable enough?)”

If your dad did not give enough time for you or even listened well to you, your inner scar may sound like this:

“I’M NOT THAT BEAUTIFUL, NOT THAT IMPORTANT, NOT VALUABLE ENOUGH TO BE LISTENED TO.”

Guess what, with that father wound, even if the WRONG GUY COMES ALONG, BUT CALLS YOU, TALKS TO YOU FOR HOURS, PURSUES YOU…

you will give in emotionally, even if he’s a bad-boy. Because your innermost identity has NOT been secured by your dad. So you will naturally try hard to find affirmation OUTSIDE THE HOME.

(When father has not secured his daughter, then the bad-boy will temporarily MAKE HER FEEL THIS—only to get her body for sex)

For WOMEN, other daddy wound symptoms are: inability to trust, deep bitterness/unforgiveness, extreme romanticism, emotional breakdown when BF leaves her, easily depressed, sexual carefreeness(lover to lover), using of physical body to get attention(sensuality to lure needed attention), etc.

For SONS,

the question is "AM I STRONG ENOUGH DAD?"

If these questions of male kids are NOT ANSWERED BY DAD IN THE GROWING UP YEARS, you will see 15-20 years into the future, this UNCONSCIOUS WOUND WILL USUALLY TRIGGER many symptoms in the males,

YOUNG BOYS WHO HAD ABSENTEE DADS OR DADS THAT BELITTLED THEM OR CRITICIZED THEM HEAVILY, will try so hard to find their strength and security OUTSIDE the home…….

MOST WILL WANT TO APPEAR STRONG to people… (this is the feeling “I always have to prove myself to so many people who I am….”)

GANGS AND DRUGS will be very appealing, TATTOOS, WOMANIZING, WORKAHOLISM AND SHOWING OFF HIS RICHES TO EVERYONE…. extreme hidden rage(uncontrolled anger), physical violence(esp if dad beat him up), disbelief in God(i dont trust god like i dont trust my dad), lying, etc.

a bit surprised that in counselling sessions, most veteran counsellors will diagnose that majority of NOW problems are rooting to ISSUES WITH FATHER 20 years ago,

that they do not knew (message to child: I AM NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO KNOW)

absentee/left them behind, (IM NOT IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO STAY)

physically there but emotionally distant, (IM NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR YOU TO DISCOVER WHO I REALLY AM)

never met him(after mom got pregnant), (I HAVE NO IMAGE OF A FATHER AT ALL)

—————

And one of the worst damages of a FAther? WHEN HE FAILS TO PROTECT HIS KIDS.

This is very sad result.

When child is abused verbally and physically, (the message to child is: I AM NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR YOU TO PROTECT ME FROM HARM, FROM NOW ON, I HAVE TO PROTECT MYSELF)

These children usually become very overly FEISTY, have a bad temper, easily flare-up, cannot trust easily, BECAUSE DEEP DOWN, THE FATHER GAVE THE MESSAGE:

YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT FOR ME TO PROTECT.

so they actually become a monster OUTSIDE, because INSIDE THEY ARE AFRAID NO ONE WILL PROTECT THEM.

——————

The thing that makes it even more difficult?

Some daddy wounds are UNCONSCIOUS.

(Meaning, HINDI NATIN ALAM NA IYON ANG ROOT NG PRESENT NATING NEGA OR DILIM SA BUHAY)

—————

salute all the strong, loving single moms out there, who raise up their kids well.

But also encourage everyone to consider that the spiritual design of the Mother and Father…they HAVE DIFFERENT FUNCTIONS.

Let us continue to hope and aspire TO EXPERIENCE THE TRUE FUNCTIONS OF A FATHER, DESPITE THE RAMPANT FATHER FAILURES WE HAVE SEEN, THE HURTS, ABUSES WE HAVE RECEIVED.

What a wonderful thought from Rm