JOKER'S CORNER

[Edwin]

lol thats funny.......

Yes, and his step son, his wife's son by another marriage was in my class at school. He was a crazy guy, but an alright guy. He did that craziest things, and anyone else they would have fired, but I think he had a special in with the big boss!

[purex]

On the ship, a cebuano throw a phone to the sea.

Lady from Bukidnon|: wow what a waste!
Lady from Cebu|: we have lots of phone in Cebu!
A lady from Manila also throw her laptop to the sea...
Lady from Bukidnon:| Oh my, why did your throw your laptop?!!!!
Lady from Bukidnon kept on silent because he got nothing ...
Until a BEAUTIFUL LADY come and join them...
Lady from Bukidnon pushed the girl to the sea!!!!
Everybody|: (SHOCKED) why did you push her?
Lady from Bukidnon|: Okay there's a lot of BEAUTIFUL GIRLS in Bukidnon!!!
Clap your hands all ladies in Bukidnon!
Hahhahhahahhahhahhaha!!!!!

[Chas]

This guy is driving by himself across the Sahara Desert.
He miscalculates and runs out of petrol.
He is slumped down in the shade of his truck.
He has no radio and is convinced he will not be rescued and is going to die.
Then he hears a buzzing and looking up he sees a bee flying about.
The bee buzzes up to him and asks what is wrong.
The man explains and the bee looks thoughtful and says 'hold on, I think I can help'
The bee asks the man to take the fuel cap off.
The man does this and is amazed as hundreds of bees start flying in and out of the fuel tank.
Finally the bees stop flying in and out of the tank and the 'talking' bee flys up to the man and says 'try your engine now'.
The man thinks he is going mad, but as he is convinced he is going to die he has nothing to lose.
The man turns the key in the ignition and after a couple of coughs the engine starts.
Wow says the man to the bee, 'how did you do that'
The bee winks at him and says 'bee pee' !!!!!!!!!!!


In case anybody is not aware 'pee' is slang for urine. Also BP is currently America's most popular oil company!
Apologies for the awful joke.

[Edwin]

This guy came home from church with two black eyes. He was asked how he got his black eyes, and he said there was a heavy lady in the pew in front of him that had her dress struck, so he pulled it out. They said that accounts for one black eye, but how did you get the other one. He said that she was so unhappy about him pulling her dress out that he thought he should put it back! That was my brother-in-law's joke that he told.

[chaychay644]

Drunken Reincarnation

James, as usual, came home really late one Saturday night after being at the bar all night drinking. Not only was he drunk, he was sloppy drunk. He carefully crept into bed next his wife, who fell sleep angry hours earlier, and gave her a goodnight kiss on the check in hopes that she wouldn't wake up.

[tom]

there was a very old man who lived alone... without any family ...

this very old man wanted to dig his garden and plant his crops, but the ground was too hard for him...

his only son, James, who used to help him, was in prison... so the old man wrote a letter to his son telling him about his problem:

Dear James,

i am not happy today because it looks like i won't be able to have a garden this year. i'm feeling sad and depressed because i have become too old to dig up the garden without any help, and i know if you were here with me, instead of in prison, you would be able to dig the garden. I wish you could be here with me now... i need your help.... love, DAD >

a few days later, the old man received the following letter from his son:

Dear DAD,

for heaven's sake DAD!!! ... don't dig up the garden!!! That's where i buried the bodies!!! .... your loving son, James >

the next morning the old man woke up at 4 a.m., and was surprised to see dozens of local policemen and F.B.I. agents in his garden with shovels and a backhoe.... the agents spent the whole day digging but were unable to find any dead bodies in the old man's garden... so they apologized to the old man and left...

the next morning, the old man received a new letter from his son:

Dear DAD,

i hope that helps... given my circumstances its the best i could do...

love, James

[Edwin]

This actually happened many years ago when my dad was a very young man working sewing wheat sacks in the wheat fields. Right now I can't remember the exact weight of a sack full of wheat, but I seems like it is well over a hundred pound. They are very, very heavy anyway. Most every one was carrying one sack full of wheat at a time. The boss man came along and noticed these two young guys struggling greatly to try to manage to carry a wheat sack each. So he told them that he wanted them to double up on those sacks of wheat. What he meant was that he wanted two of them to carry one sack at a time. The next time he came by he found each of them trying to carry two sacks each. When the boss said double up he meant two men to one sack, and they thought he meant two sacks to one man!

[Edwin]

How many men does it take to change one light bulb? It takes three. One man to hold the light bulb and two men to turn him while holding the light bulb.

[Edwin]

We have a queeky toy for a dog that our granddaughters brought here with them. The toy has a picture of a newspaper on it. The headlines of the newspaper read, "Man Bites Dog."

[Edwin]

On the "Hee Haw" country western show they have the news man telling that Mr. So and So spent the night in jail. What did he do? He helped a lady cross the street. Why did that get him thrown in jail. The lady didn't want to go!

Interestingly when my mother's brothers were in their early twenties, or younger, I don't remember the exact age they were at the time, one of them spent the night in jail! They gave this woman a ride as far as the post office. When they got there she refused to get out of the car, so one of my uncles proceeded to help pull her out, and he spent the night in jail over the incident!